In Search Of

Sin Series 1: The Sin of Envy (1)

2012-01-24T00:01:00.002+08:00

Envy (also called invidiousness) is best defined as an emotion that "occurs

when a person lacks another's (perceived) superior quality, achievement,

or possession and either desires it or wishes that the other lacked it."

- from Wikipedia

A couple of months ago, I committed the sin of envy.

As I saw the certificates being handed out to some of my colleagues, I asked myself, why am I not receiving those? My stats were well above average. I'd even like to think I was among the top people on the floor. Yet, why didn't I get any of those certificates?

-----

Ever since I moved from QC to Shaw/Ortigas, I made it a point to work on my numbers. True that, even when I was in QC, I was already on the management's radar. Then again, I suspect it was only because of my extra-curricular showings for the account.

Trust Ternie, they said. He delivers.

To be objective about it though, my numbers were just so-so while I was in QC. It was more of a hit-and-miss thing. Sometimes, I'd end up with a perfect scorecard. Sometimes I'd barely make it. "He can develop more consistency," wrote a senior manager in the evaluation for my regularization.

I value feedback, so the moment I hit the office in Shaw/Ortigas, I took to heart what I read in the evaluation.

-----

If there's one thing I'm confident of, it's that I posses a facility for the spoken language of English. I could rapport, cajole, beg, and flatter myself almost out of any situation with whomever calls in. Looking back, I could only think of one or two persons on the floor that match up to my communication skills; probably another one or two whom I consider my superior. As my QA said, I make an impact on the customer - almost always for the better.

That, along with the drive to stabilize my stats, lead to my best showing so far. Soon, I was head-to-head with the tenured top performers. Soon, I was the top performer.

Eternal Sunshine of a Cluttered Mind

2012-01-11T10:01:00.002+08:00

Several goals for this year:

1. Avail of the trainings offered by the company. Libre naman e. Up for January: Time Management, Conflict Management, and *gasp* Grammar Refresher teehee

2. Learn to save. At least 5K every cut-off.

3. Spearhead/be involved with more projects in the office. Pampakapal ng resume din.

4. Get to slap my immediate supervisor. She's nice as a person, but I swear everyone in the team has grudge or two or three against her. Her mortalest sin against me: she didn't know my promotion papers were supposed to be returned to HR. And she had the gall to say, "You should know the process! (albeit in jest)"

Come to think of it, I should've plucked her pubes, one strand at a time, right then and there. And made sure her mons veneris resembled the plucked skin of a native chicken.

Urgh. GV, Ternie. GV.

5. Write. Write. Write. Ang dami kong gusto isulat, di lang ako naglalaan ng panahon para ilatag dito ang mga nasa isipan ko.

6. Try to be nicer and learn to smile more. Love more fully. Lalo na kay Honeybunch. Ayiiiiii. Naman e! ahihihihihi

-----

Mom is back from her self-imposed exile in the hinterlands of Mindanao. She needed a break. Popsy and the household needed a break. I needed a break. Goodness, we all needed a break!

Don't get me wrong. I love my Mom. But I lately, I've realized I love her better from afar. All these years spent apart has made me unused to her idiosyncrasies. It's been literally too far, and too long a time for all of us to cohabitate with some semblance of peace. Not that we're all screaming and grabbing each at others necks, but well, you get the drift.

-----

Me: Pakilala kita sa nanay ko.

Honeybunch: Ayoko nga. Nahihiya ako sa nanay mo.

Me: Pero di ka nahiya sa erpats ko.

Honeybunch: E iba naman yun. At saka palagi naman nasa kwarto nya tatay mo.

Me: Mahal mo ba ako?

Honeybunch: Ewan ko.

Grrrrrrr. Buset. lolz

It's More Fun in the Philippines! (Open at Your Own Risk in the Office)

2012-01-09T03:30:00.001+08:00

Yun na!

Aahahahahahaha :P

Happy New Year, folks! Sana safe yung paputok nyo nung bisperas ng bagong taon ;)

Palaisipan

2011-10-27T02:20:00.000+08:00

"But beauty is about finding the right fit, the most natural fit. To be perfect, you have to feel perfect about yourself—avoid trying to be something you’re not."

- Aphrodite to Piper

Rick Riordan's The Lost Hero

Warding Off the Monday Blues (NSFW)

2011-10-24T00:01:00.004+08:00

Some day, when I'm awfully low,

When the world is cold,

I will feel a glow just thinking of you...

And the way you look tonight.

Kung ganyan kang ang bubulagta sa akin sa opisina,

e Sunday night pa lang, doon na ako matutulog! lolz

You have a great week ahead of you, guyz, galz, and gheyz! :D

A Post Laced with Anger and Dripping with Bitterness

2011-09-14T00:01:00.004+08:00

You.

Yes, you.

This post has been sitting in my draft for a month or two already. I would've posted it, save for the fact that I was on blog hiatus in the interim. But for what's it worth, here it goes.

Fuck you.

For all the blustering and bravado the you exude, you're pretty much a rotten reason for a human being.

Dude, I know you're smart. You never fail to crow about it. But believe you me, you pretty much fail in in the people-smarts department. You might as well just be a walking brain with a lumbering ZERO emotional quotient. And please, don't give me the that's-how-I-am-take-it-or-leave-it song and dance number. That's such a pathetic excuse.

Admit it. You're just lazy to strive to be a better person. Then again, I don't blame you. There are actually some people who condone the verbal and emotional abuse you heap on them. I pity them.

No, wait let me revise that.

I pity you.

I pity you because it gives you the false feeling that the world revolves around you. Well, news flash here: it doesn't work that way. You should never treat people like your personal doormat just to over-inflate your ego that already bursting at the seams. It reeks of deep-seated insecurities that no amount of boorishness can ever cover up. It's disgusting behavior, really.

But what's more disgusting is that I actually indulged it, albeit for a couple of weeks. At first, I thought it was your way of trying to push the limits of human debasement. I did try to play your game, only to find out that it wasn't a game at all. I should've read the writing on the wall right from the very start. It was clearly written in bold letters, and it read like this:

Seriously, I just want to bash myself in the head for missing it.

I may not be Mr. Perfect, nor Mr. Goody-Goody, but you, unkind sir, are definitely one for the books.

As a final rejoiner, let me reiterate it once more: I've never met such a rotten reason for a human being. And I pray to the good Lord Almighty I never do again.

Pilosopong Eternal Wanderer

2011-09-11T09:01:00.000+08:00

There are no good or bad decisions in life.

What matters is how you react to the outcome.

A Journey That Both Ends and Continues

2011-07-12T01:00:00.005+08:00

Not so long ago, someone pointed out that the name and the URL of my blog go hand in hand together. To be honest, I never intended them to be that way. They were created out of a whim, with no underlying implications whatsoever. But I do remember the time Bonbon snarkily retorted that the URL rather erred on the pretentious side.

Well, it is my blog, Bonbon. And I'm very much entitled to name it as I want and write stuff as I want, am I not?

-----

Four years and three hundred and forty-seven posts later, plus almost a month of not posting, I sit down in front of my desktop, and ask myself, "Well, Ternie, have you found anything in your search for the truth in life?"

To be blunt about it - no.

I haven't found anything remotely resembling the truth so far.

What I did find was that blogging provided an avenue for me to write out my stories. I shared my experiences, and I shared my hobbies. I shared my closet nerdiness. I may have even a tad overshared once in a while. Admittedly, some narratives may have been tweaked for narrative’s sake - although I'd really rather call them filtered. All of these stories are part of myself. Not everything; but yes, these are integral parts of who I was, who I am, and perhaps even who I will be.

In the process of sharing my stories, I have made acquaintances with the readers of my blog. Most of these readers are fellow bloggers themselves. Some of them made the leap from cyber into the real world. A few of them ended up as good friends of mine. And a handful of them of them even ventured into the ~~pseudo~~ romantic territory.

Regardless of whether it is the cyber or the real-world kind, these relationships, platonic or otherwise, carry a stamp of validity. I'd like to think I invested time and effort in them, thus forging their legitimacy in my own book.

Come to think of it, perhaps these are the very truths in life that I am in search of.

Then again, perhaps not.

Regardless of which, I shall continue my trek - if not in the blogosphere, then in real life.

As it should always be.

-----

Thank you, readers and fellow bloggers.

This part of the journey was well spent, indeed.

Sagot (Sa Ibang Tanong)

2011-06-15T00:01:00.113+08:00

^Travis has a very interesting post over here. It's a fun geometric problem that calls for a two-part proving - but let me just tackle the first part. It states that if given three sides of a right triangle with the expressions n²+ 1, n² – 1 and 2n (where n > 1), what expression represents the hypotenuse of the right triangle?

Before we even start, let's have quick brush up about the parts of the right triangle. The hypotenuse is the side directly opposite the right-angle of that triangle. Since the right-angle happens to be the largest angle in the triangle, it also means that the hypotenuse is the longest side of the triangle. With this in mind, we need to find out which among the three expressions is the largest.

If we look at it intuitively, n² + 1 should be the longest side because 1 added to any square of any number (n) is always greater than 1 subtracted from the same square of any number (n). Also, the addition of 1 to the square of any number (n) would always be greater than the same number multiplied by 2.

But of course we can't just say, "It's intuitive!" on paper, right? So let's check the first statement.

Suppose:

n² + 1 > n² – 1

Therefore:

n²– n² > -1 – 1

Hence:

0 > -2

But since 0 > -2 is always true, therefore n² + 1 > n² – 1 is always true.

Same logic applies to the second statement.

Suppose:

n² + 1 > 2n

Therefore:

n² + 1 - 2n > 0

By factoring the left side of the inequality, we get:

(n-1)² > 0

This statement is true because the square of any number, in this case (n-1), is always positive (read: it's greater than zero). Hence, n²+ 1 > 2n is always true, too.

So now, we finished proving that n² + 1 is bigger than n² – 1 or 2n. We can then conclude that n² + 1, by definition, should the hypotenuse of the right triangle.

Oo na. Ako na. Ako na si Shaira Luna! Tseeeeeeeeh >:P hihihihihihi

Tanong

2011-06-09T00:01:00.002+08:00

Is it better to be honest or is it better to be kind?

Paglulunok #4

2011-06-06T00:01:00.019+08:00

May mga binhi na sadyang mapakla-pakla.

Ang mga iba naman ay may likhang tamis.

Pero pag ang tams e galing sa mahal mo, ang sarap nito papakin!

FLANGAK SA PAGKA-PAK!

ahahahahahah

You have a great week ahead of you, fab guys, girls, and gheyz!

P.S. Nyeta, kaya akong nababansagang "yung lumulunok" dahil sa mga posts na ganito. Grrrrr. lolz

Kung Wala Ka Lang Magawa

2011-06-03T00:01:00.005+08:00

e maaring basahin mo to. Speech na sinulat ko for someone that was delivered in an international TV forum chorvalin somewhere in China teehee

The Responsibility of Television Towards Society

In this so-called dawning of the information age, it cannot be denied that mass media has been a burgeoning influence in shaping the perception of how people view the world today. It is a commanding and compelling catalyst; churning out images and messages that would otherwise take time and effort to put across. The medium of television, in particular, has been a wieldy instrument in the propagation of this cause. In the Philippines alone, 85% of Filipino households on the average own at least one TV set. Furthermore, each of these individual households spends an average 7.17 hours in front of the TV screens. It is mind-boggling indeed to imagine the possibilities that television offers in terms of information dissemination. We, as the movers in the field of television in our own respective countries, are therefore in the forefront of this evolving revolution. We hold in our hands the key to the kingdom of information. But ladies and gentlemen, let me point out that this kind of power should also come with responsibility. A great responsibility, may I add. It is always easy to fall into the trap of abusing this power, for both indiscriminate corporate and personal gain. Some measure of check-and-balance should be in place in order to avoid this kind of exploitative manipulation of power. And what more appropriate measure, my esteemed colleagues, would there be than communicating the values of honesty, dignity, and integrity through the means of social responsibility?

Social responsibility, in the most minimal terms, can be defined as the contribution of an entity towards the welfare of society. It is the action of giving back and sharing to the community what we have in terms of knowledge and resources. Nevertheless, as with any simplistic meaning, it is the underlying implications that are vital to examine. Therefore, you might ask, what are the implications that can be gleamed from definition?

First of all, social responsibility that calls for a continuing commitment of going above and beyond with what is called for by legal responsibility. We cannot allow ourselves to be complacent, and merely implement the tasks that are expected from us simply because it is the law. We have to be bigger than ourselves, in hope that our actions may make a difference in the world today.

Second, social responsibility calls for decisions that are implemented based on ethical and moral grounds. These right values act as a beacon of enlightenment to illuminate the path during dark and troubled times. Moreover, it is these very values that serve as an anchor for making sure that our decisions will be for the betterment of us, and for society as well.

Third, social responsibility calls for pro-activeness. The old saying goes: “An ounce of prevention is better than a pound of cure.” But as with any cliché, there is always a fundamental truth behind it. If we all take an anticipatory stance towards all the choices that we make, the unnecessary expenditure of energy spent in finding temporary solutions to setbacks can be avoided.

Last, social responsibility calls for holding to account the actions of society as well as the actions that affect society. Decisions beget actions, and actions beget consequences. Culpability for these consequences should be squarely put on our shoulders, because ultimately, we can only answer to ourselves as individuals. Ironically though, it is these very individuals that make up a society. We make up a society. Our collective individual actions interweave together to form the carpet of society’s actions. And since we are interconnected together as a society, whatever actions that affect society as a whole will eventually affect us individually. It is this delicate and complicated interplay of action that hence calls for a balanced sense ofliability not only to us, but to society as well.

The next logical step for us to ask is: what then, are the responsibilities of television towards society?

One: To tell the truth. Lay it down as it is. There is nothing more liberating than to experience truth stripped it down to its essentials.

Two: To accord people a general expectation of dignity and privacy. It is a basic human need be given sense of dignity. In turn, it is expected that the same dignity be given back to others. Privacy is one of the natural outcomes of being bestowed with this sense of dignity.

Three: To expose wrongs, but equally to allow that no one is perfect. A wrong is a wrong. Nothing should be equivocal about it. Yet, it is also just as important to temper judgments with understanding. No one is above making mistakes, after all.

Four: To avoid conflicts of interest. Integrity demands that we avoid putting our interests above the others just because it suits our own agenda. In this way, the factors of bias and impartiality are taken away from the equation, and we are left with only with the transparency of our own motives.

Five: To entertain, for sure, but also to inform. We are the medium best suited to provide respite and amusement for the general viewing public. But respite without purpose, and amusement without substance are, at best, simply diversionary. We must therefore strive to empower our audiences through shows whose concepts are based on the notion of information, because, as we all know, information is power. Ignorance is best left for those who chose to remain the dark.

Being responsible to society is not the easiest of advocacies to undertake. It demands from us much time, effort, and hard work. Some of you might even say that there is no room for such naïveté and idealism in this cutthroat and competitive corporate environment such as ours. I beg to disagree, ladies and gentlemen. What we give back to the community will eventually return to us, in one form or the other. At the end of the day, I believe that the benefits that will be reaped are well worth the sowing. So my dear colleagues of the television broadcasting industry, I pose a challenge to us: lets us take up the cudgels of social responsibility, and strive to make our community and the world at large a better place to live in.

The Haunting (A Re-Post Because Eternal Wanderer Is Gaya-Gaya)

2011-05-31T22:27:00.002+08:00

I was lost in thought as I was walking around the neighborhood well past midnight. I have always taken pleasure in these midnight walks. The solitariness of this nocturnal activity has consistently provided a certain measure of comfort; the relaxed pace of the strolling helping to clear away the sticky cobwebs in my thoughts. This particular occasion was turning out to be no different from what I have done in the past. Or so I thought.

It was a hot and balmy night, and the muted roll of the distant thunder was an ominous sign of an impending thunderstorm. I momentarily stopped to wipe away the glisten of sweat gathering on my brows. Then, from afar, I heard a dog bay mournfully. I looked up with a start, and immediately realized something wasn't right.

I took a wrong turn. I didn't know where I was.

The street was unfamiliar, partially hidden in the recess of dark shadows. A nearby lamp post was dying, its flickering light casting an eerie glow on the surrounding. The slow baying of the dog had stopped. The sudden silence was jarring, almost deafening. I felt the heaviness of the atmosphere suddenly weigh on me, so I decided to walk down the gloomy street in a more hurried pace.

My heart was already starting to pound when I saw it.

-----

It was all but a faint shimmer at first. Gradually, the light coalesced into a diaphanous figure. I couldn't help but gasp in chilling recognition.

"I know you!" I uttered in a quivering voice. "Why do you still come before me? Why are you doing this to me?"

It remained wordless and silent; its pale eyes stared directly at mine. Slowly, it raised its ghostly hand and beckoned to me.

"No! I will not come near you, do you hear me?!" My voice was rising almost to a fevered pitch. "I have already wrestled with you. I have banished you. Why do you come back to haunt me?"

My shirt was drenched, sweat mixed with fear and anger at the phantasm before me. I remained obstinate and defiant in my stance. When it sensed that I absolutely refused to approach, it started to go towards me, plodding in its movement. I saw its translucent lips opening, forming voiceless words I could strangely understand. I shivered uncontrollably at what it said.

I am you, and you are me. We are inevitably linked to each other by your decisions in the past, the actions taken, and the choices not made. You cannot exorcise me. You cannot deny me. But what I offer you is peace, Free yourself from the shackles of what was, and the anxieties of what might have been. Accept me, and you will be granted the gift of peace. Accept me, and I shall be granted the gift of peace.

I closed my eyes, and sighed a deep breath as the phantom drew closer and closer.

-----

My eyes were still closed when I felt the first raindrops on my face. The rain had started to fall, and soon, the full fury of the thunderstorm was unleashed upon me. It was as if the heavens was one with my catharsis. I had taken it all in; now, the rain was washing away all the grimy doubts and apprehensions built over time. When I finally opened my yes, I knew that the ghost would no longer be there, and that I would not find myself lost anymore.

As I made my way towards home in the rain, tranquility nestled within my soul.

-----

Why is it that the ghost of what-might-have-been suddenly haunts us at the most inopportune moment? Will we constantly berate ourselves for indecisions in the past and opportunities lost? Contentment, it seems, is as fleeting as the moment that was let by.

Isang Munting Wish (NSFW)

2011-05-29T23:58:00.002+08:00

Tinananong ng aking band of brothers kung ano daw ang wish ko.

Sabi ko, na kasama ko sila nung gabi na yun e wish enough na. Mababaw lang naman ang kaligayahan ko e.

Pero echuzerang froglette si Eternal Wanderer. Meron talagang syang gustong makasama nung gabing yun:

NSFW

Sana ako na lang yung twalya hihihihi

E kung sana sya yung kasama ko buong gabi, e di sana kumpleto kumpleto yung eve ng 27th b-day ko.

Oo, 27th b-day ko. Walang kokontra sa 27th, ok? HAHAHAHAHAHA

The Oddity of Triggered Memories

2011-05-23T00:10:00.005+08:00

It was raining cats and dogs when I decided to take a look at my Facebook profile. I was surprised when I saw that someone tagged a few photos of me. It was an album of my last trip in Europe. Eying a particular picture, I noticed that the girls had earrings on their ears. That wasn't unusual since it was snapshot of our sound-check before a performance. What was weird was that I also had an earring still left on. I can't remember if I did use my earrings when singing onstage. There are a lot of stage no-no's in our group, and I'm almost sure that guys wearing earrings are one of them. Nonetheless, I think I was in the position of power enough to get away with those cosmetic infractions while performing. Besides, I would've threatened our manager that I'd go straight back home in the middle of a competition tour if he'd flag me down for wearing my earrings onstage.

Kasi naman, ganito yung hikaw na ginagamit ko. NKKLK! hihihihi

Diva tantrums aside, I remember a small detail from the onset of that trip. Our flight was still at night, and since I already gave to our helper the list of the things to be packed, I decided to play volleyball that morning. It turned out to be a good game. There's nothing like sweating it out to get a good high.

Kung makalaro lang ng volleyball, e parang Mireya Luis lang.

With the same outfit, mind you! lolz

What wasn't good, however, was that I ended up with two sprained fingers from blocking a hard spike. I had to slip a roll of Mueller tape in my backpack before going to the airport, and taped my left pinky and ring fingers together to stabilize them. I had to keep it that way for around two weeks until I could flex them with minimal pain. Needless to say, it was bitch trying to lug around my assigned girl-buddy's luggage, as well as my own.

Yan ang nangyayari kaka-finger. Aw!

Another small detail I remember was the shower in Moscow. The Philippine Embassy bundled us up in three apartments somewhere in a semi-posh area of the city. But apparently, waters pipes didn't really take into account the social class of the district. Spring was just creeping in, and city engineers were still in the process of thawing out the hot water pipes. Ergo, there was no hot shower. And considering that the temperature barely rose above 10 degrees during the daytime, it proved to be quite a challenge. Being the ~~faux~~ macho man I am, I took up to the challenge - I braved the shower on the first night. But the moment the first drop of water fell on my skin, I knew it was a huge mistake. The initial pansy-scream (read: napatili) I made was followed by whimpers as I quickly soaped and rinsed myself. It was probably the fastest shower I ever took in my life - all under 5 minutes!

Halleeeer, kung sya lang kasama ko sa cold shower, e kahit

buong araw ako sa banyo, e pak na pak sa banga! lolz

-----

Sometimes, I look back at the period when music was my raison d'être. I had a good time. I got to sing what I wanted. I was able to go around the world several times over. I competed among the best, and ended up winning. Heck, I even sang alone, with a full orchestra, in a huge concert hall. Not everyone gets to do these things.

Do I regret my decision of turning my back on this career? None whatsoever. Everything has its time and its place. I had my time, I had my place. I felt I had to move on. There was still a lot that life had to offer, and I fully intended to to take advantage of it.

And yes, I still do take advantage of it until now.

Sorry, ang crude ng pagkabura. Baka malurkey lang sila pag malaman

na nagpopost ako ng pics namin sa blog ko :P

-----

So what's the point of my post? Nothing much really. It's just that the rain and tagged Facebook pictures make odd fellows. They managed to produce an odd, if not nostalgic, trip out of triggered memories.

Besides, I haven't word-vomited in a while. I miss doing this! hahahahaha

Kasabihan ni Eternal Wanderer #1

2011-05-19T00:30:00.001+08:00

Ang pride ay parang briefs.

Pag di binaba, magtititigan lang kayo at walang mangyayari!

Something to Think About #2

2011-05-16T00:19:00.001+08:00

Kailangan mo ba ako dahil mahal mo ako,

o mahal mo ba ako dahil kailangan mo ako?

Nang Magmuni-muni si Eternal Wanderer Ukol sa Pakikipagrelasyon

2011-05-05T04:01:00.000+08:00

1. Pag-like mo yung tao, kada text at tawag sa yo e kinikilig ka. Kung hindi mo sya type, makukulitan ka lang at mabubwisit eventually.

2. Wala sa "sinong ang mas nagmamahal sa relationship?" ang usapan. Nasa "how do we make it work ?" ang labanan.

3. That said, I've always believed that a relationship is a constant work in progress. ~~Parang sex lang yan.~~ Minsan sya ang nagtratrabaho, minsan ikaw. Pero ang importante e kailangan pareho kayo nagtratrabaho at it. ~~Masarap ang 69, di ba? lolz~~

4. Pag-ayaw na, walang pilitan. Parang ang pangit naman that the person is staying with you out of pity and/or guilt. Or for that matter, you're still with the person for the same reasons.

5. When you're in a relationship, di ba dapat it brings out the best in you? Kapag hindi, you might want to think twice why you're even in it.

6. Corollary to that, relationships are just icing on the cake. It's the person who defines the cake, and not the icing itself. Bonus na lang ang mga palamuti, so to speak.

7. Be accepting of the person, faults and all. It comes with the whole package. If you don't like something, express it. But under no circumstances are you to be a control freak.

8. A relationship is like a tricycle. It's made up of three wheels: you, him/her and we. The individual component is as important as the communal one. A little tip: spent as much me-time as we-time so that you grow as individuals as well as a couple.

9. Ika nga ni Rudeboy, assume makes and ass out of "u" and "me." ~~I miss Ruddie.~~ Maraming namamatay sa akala. Kung hindi sigurado, tanungin. Hindi ka si Madame Auring para hulaan yung kabiyak mo.

10. Setting expectations saves a lot of grief down the line. Mas buting nang maliwanag ang lahat kesa magkapaan kayo. Not unless iba ang kinakapa nyo sa isa't isa ;)

Of Icings ang Cakes (A Re-post)

2011-05-02T00:01:00.002+08:00

A friend of mine brought over a chocolate cake he bought from a grocery bakeshop. It was reputedly one of the best undiscovered cakes in town. Supposedly very much under-rated.

I opened the box. It did look good. The ganache was all dark and glossy. I couldn’t resist but take a swipe at the icing. Not too sweet. Good. Yummy.

I sliced a piece of it. Wow, there’s even a fourth-inch custard filling in between the layers. Very, very promising, indeed.

I closed my eyes in anticipation as I lifted the fork towards my mouth. The icing slowly melted inside, exploding with a rich, and almost overwhelming taste of dark chocolate. Again, not too sweet. Perfect. Just the way I like it.

Then the crumb of the cake reached my tastebuds.

Urgh. Dry, tasteless. Not far from what a cardboard would taste, I imagine. Gawd, what the hell is this stuff?!

The custard wasn’t much of a help, either. Very, very stale. Very, very nasty.

I looked up to my friend. He had the same reaction, too.

We shared a laugh and a half agreeing how the cake tasted really awful. Off it went to the trash bin: two unconsumed slices, and the rest of the cake.

Drat. Drat. Drat.

A food tripping exercise that ended up in futility.

-----
Trust me, no amount of good icing can mask an awfully made cake.
At the end of the day, it’s the cake itself that matters.

Summer Statement

2011-04-27T00:01:00.003+08:00

Ayoko na ng maiinit.

Ayoko na ng masikip.

Ayoko nang mag-commute sa MRT 'pag summer!

NAKAKALUKEY!!!

-----

Buti lang sana kung yumminess ang mga katabi ko. But no, ang chchaka na nga, amoy pawis pa. Buset!

Nang Kumerembang si Eternal Wanderer sa Opisina 7: Director's Cut (Huling Yugto)

2011-04-11T00:01:00.033+08:00

Borne Out of Tears and Darkness

"O paano yan, mag-eempake na ako ang mga gamit ko," sabi ni Pedro Penduko na may halong buntong hininga.

Mabigat ang damdamin ni Eternal Wanderer. Tahimik lang siyang nakahiga sa kama habang pinapanood si Pedro ilagay ang mga natiklop na damit sa loob ng maleta.

Paalis na kasi Pedro the next day. Uuwi na ng probinsya para makasama ang kanyang anak.

Inalok ni Pedro si Eternal Wanderer na sumama sa probinsya para sila'y magsama. Pero tumanggi si Eternal Wnaderer. Hindi nya yata kaya ang ideyang makipag-live in ng todo-todo with another guy. At lalong hindi siya handa na gumanap sa lead role ng re-make ng "Madrasta." Sa buong buhay nya, never nyang inasam na maging isang Teh Shawie.

Echoz lang.

Ang totoo nyan, alam naman ni Eternal Wanderer na may taning talaga ang pagsasama nila ni Pedro. Hindi option para kay Pedro na mag-stay pa sa Maynila. Hindi rin naman option kay Eternal Wanderer na magpakaladkad sa probinsya sa ngalan ng ~~kati~~ pag-ibig. Walang magawa si Eternal Wanderer kundi tanggapin ang ganung circumstances.

Matapos magligpit ng gamit si Pedro ay nahiga rin sya sa kama. Sumiksik talaga sya sa side kung nasaan si Eternal Wanderer. Yinapos nya ito ng mahigpit at sinabi, "Mami-miss ko ang kwarto mo. Mami-miss ko ang higaan at aircon dito. Pero higit sa lahat, mami-miss kita."

Cue: isang patak ng luha mula sa kanang mata ni Eternal Wanderer.

~~Ang becky ay may balak pa yatang talunin si Juday!~~

Sinupil kaagad ni Eternal Wanderer ang agos ng mga luha. "Alam mo naman mahal kita, di ba?" Ang tangi na lang nyang nasabi.

"Hindi mo nakailangang sabihin yun," sagot ni Pedro. "Ramdam na ramdam ko iyon sa lahat ng ginawa mo para sa akin."

Bumitaw mula sa pagkayap si Pedro. Ihinarap nya si Eternal Wanderer ng mukha sa mukaha. Dahan-dahang linapit ni Pedro ang kanyang labi sa labi ni Eternal Wanderer. Hinalikan ito ng marahan at punong-puno ng pagmamahal. Walang magawa si Eternal Wanderer kundi bumigay ng husto sa mga galaw ng labi ni Pedro. Halong tamis at kilig ang kanyang naramdaman sa mga sandaling yun. Ang sarap talagang makipaghalikan kapag mahal na mahal mo yun tao!

Ooooops.

Teka.

Rewind lang tayo, mga hijo't hija.

Ilusyonadang froglette si Eternal Wanderer. Walang ganung eksenang naganap. Wish lang nya, right, Ate Vicky? Sa halip na sweet na laplapan ay diretsong chuk-chakan ang nangyari. Napa-concert ng husto si Eternal Wanderer. At dahil full production ito, save the best for last ang kanyang ginawa. Nag-change sya ng costume, inilabas ang cheongsam, at sing to the mic ni Pedro ng "Last Night of the World" mala-Lea Salongang naka-draga.

Ang baklita lang talaga si Eternal Wanderer, ano?

-----

Hinatid ni Eternal Wander si Pedro sa airport kinabukasan. Nagyosi sila sa parking lot bago tumungo sa mismong terminal. Sa harap ng check-in entrance e tanging mahigpit na yakap na lang ang binigay ni Eternal Wanderer kay Pedro. Yinikap din sya ng mahigpit in return. Ang huling image na tumatak sa gunitain ni Eternal Wanderer ay si Pedro na kumakaway sa kanya bago pumasok nang tuluyan sa terminal.

Kung ineexpect ninyong may great dramatic scene ang pagtatapos ng istorya, e sorry, walang ganung nangyari. Kung tutuusin, very anti-climactic ang ending ng pagsasama ni Eternal Wanderer at ni Pedro Penduko. Walang hikbian. Walang lupasayan sa sahig. Walang hagulgulan. Very understated ang lahat. Ganun kasi talaga in real life si Eternal Wanderer. Ayaw nya ng masyadong drama sa buhay. Ang mga ganung scenes e pampelikula lang. They are best left at the movie house where they belong.

Pero aaminin ni Eternal Wanderer na minsan, sa kanyang pag-iisa, sumasagi sa kanyang kathang-isip ang eksenang ito:

Patay na ang mga ilaw ng sinehan. Pati ang pulang kurtina ng screen ay sarado na rin. Ngunit sa gitang bahagi nito, bahagya itong bumubukas. Mula sa madilim na telon, makikitang lumuluwas si Pedro Penduko at si Eternal Wanderer. Sa una ay tila grainy at kulay sepia pa sila, ngunit unti-unti silang nagkaka-anyo't kulay ng ganap na tao.

At maglalakad sila patungo sa kaliwanagan, magkahawak ang kamay, upang ipagpatuloy ang sine ng buhay nila.

Banyo (NSFW)

2011-04-08T00:01:00.070+08:00

Araw nang Byernes. Nagising ng wala sa wisyo si Eternal Wanderer. Tumingin siya sa orasan at napa-shet in a croaky voice. Alas-syete na kasi. Hindi nya narining ang alarm. Siguradong super-traffic na naman sa EDSA. Baka ma-late sya sa trabaho. Kaya bumangon sya na inaalimpungatan pa't pumunta kaagad sa banyo para maligo.

Pagbukas nya ng pintuan, ang laking gulat nya!

Ito kasi ang tumumbad sa kanya.

Sa palagay ninyo, ano ang ginawa ni Eternal Wanderer?

A) Napa-susmariosep, in-unfold ang abanikong español, at itinakip ito sa mga mata dahil sya ay dalisay, busilak, at mayumi.

B) Panaliguan, shinampoo, at sinabon ng hanggang sa kasuluk-sulukan ang nakahilata sa banyo.

C) Dineadma't ini-snob ang nakahilata, at nagmadaling mag-shower dahil sya ay running late na for work.

D) Nag-call in sick sa opisina at walang ginawa buong araw kundi lumunok ng lumunok na may halong gulat at pagmamahal.

Maaring sumagot ng multiple answers lolz

Happy Friday to y'all guyz, ghurlz, and gheyz!

Raw (A Re-post)

2011-04-06T00:01:00.003+08:00

You see the edge of a blunt blade as you slowly bring it to your wrist.

It starts with a dull sensation as the blade goes back and forth across the thin skin.

Then comes the searing pain; the skin finally rips. You know it is coming, yet a part of you is still caught off-guard by the immediacy of the sensation.

But you do not stop, even as you see the warm blood slowly trickling down your arm.

You continue shearing the skin until you see the gaping, pink flesh through the jagged tear of the skin.

And as you cotinue this act of self-mutilation, you wonder,

will this pain override

the pain you suddenly feel in the middle of the night

when your defenses are down,

the pain that is brought upon

by being utterly

lonely?

-----

Sometimes I wish I were more of an emotional person instead of a rational one. At least with emotional people, they are used to handling emotions of all sorts, be it simple joy or profound sadness.

I am not one of those.

I tend to intellectualize feelings until they are altogether stripped off their value as feelings per se. What are left are neat, arranged, and sterile packages ready for filing into the cabinet of compartmentaliztion. Hence, when faced with strong surges of emotions, I have a problem dealing with them. When I was younger, I used to deal with this raw feelings by hurting myself. But through the years, I have learned to stem this behavior by acknowledging the feelings, savor them for a bit, and then letting them go.

But I will be honest.

Sometimes, just sometimes, the thought of the blade slicing through my skin is very tempting indeed.

Office Vignettes 3

2011-04-04T00:01:00.037+08:00

I finally made the move from our QC office to the Shaw one. To be honest about it, I really wasn't looking forward to the change. It meant being stuck in a permanent day shift. I know some people prefer that. I actually don't. I'm a nocturnal creature by habit, and like any good or bad habits, it's hard to get it out of my system. Besides, we're not even talking about the morning and evening traffic rush, nor the fact that it's goodbye to night differential, and that...

Gawd, I'm such a whiner, am I not?

I really have to remind myself: be grateful you have a job.

-----

"Hi, my name is Deputy Training Manager! I'm sorry, but I didn't quite catch your name."

I joined one of our account operation managers smoking outside the Shaw office. He was with a woman who I haven't really seen during the infrequent times I was there. I took her hand and shook it with a brisk but firm grip.

"I'm Ternie."

"Ternie is from the QC site," Operations Manager added to the introduction.

"Oh, you're THE Ternie I've been hearing about. Boss Lady and Department Head told me really good things about you!"

I smiled a sheepish grin.

"Nah, the news is over-rated. I'm just a regular joe."

"Wait, don't you have a shift later?"

"No, I'm on vacation leave for the next week and a half."

She gave me a surprised look.

"In that case, what are you doing here then? Shouldn't you be enjoying your leave?"

"Ah, I was just here to find out the details of our move. The QC people don't have any idea with what's going to happen. My team lead has no clue, and my operations manager is vague about it. I don't thinks he knows, either."

She looked at the other operations manager and gave a knowing nod.

"I like that you're pro-active. I'm impressed!"

"Well, let's just put it this way: if no one's doing anything about it, then I will."

She gave me a big smile, and said, "Good, good. I'm looking forward to seeing you on the floor!"

-----

Two days before we finally left QC, our own operations manager met with our team for the last time. Among the things that were discussed, he briefly mentioned that there would be a new operations manager in the line-of-business that we were going to be moved to.

When we showed up at Shaw for first day of transition training, I wasn't really surprised that Deputy Training Manager turned out to be the new operations manager. She gave her welcoming remarks, and in her brief speech, she pointed out the people she already knew in our group. She mentioned two of the old-timers in the account.

And then she also mentioned me.

As I nodded and smiled back at her, I made another mental note to myself.

"I guess it does pay to put your best foot forward when meeting the powers-that-be for the first time, does it not?"

The Portrait of Eternal Wanderer as a Poet

2011-03-21T00:01:00.007+08:00

Eternal Wanderer is never one for reading poetry. Perhaps he still has not mastered relishing the words encapsulated in a poem. He has difficulty appreciating the subtle imagery and subtext associated with it. He wishes that one day though, he would eventually learn to savor this written form of art.

Neither is Eternal Wanderer inclined to write poetry himself. He previously tried writing a haiku, the result of which turned out to be rather of the banal kind. However, he is still determined to make a poet out of himself. After all, is it not human to seek the betterment of his lot?

So Eternal Wanderer burned the candle to labor over another descriptive but succinct haiku. He spent countless hours crafting words together to capture a powerful memory etched in his mind. This time, he hopes he would be able to eloquently express himself in this most disciplined form of poetry-writing.

Mesdames et messieurs, Eternal Wanderer hereby unveils his latest creation, a haiku of which tells of his genuine state at that particular moment in time.

You speak, "Taste my love."

I refuse your liquid fire.

Spring virgin am I.

Eternal Wanderer is indeed pure, immaculate, and gentle, is he not?

*giggles*

Y'all have a great week ahead of you, folks!

Sizzling Summer

2011-03-16T00:01:00.002+08:00

Tapos na ang mga malalamig na araw at gabi.

Halos nasa corner na ang summer.

Feel na tuloy bumalandra ni Eternal Wanderer sa may dalampasigan.

Kasama sya.

Aw!

Good Boy or Bad Boy?

2011-03-10T00:01:00.005+08:00

Bad boys spit.

But good boys swallow.

Do you like good boys or bad boys? And for that matter, are you a bad boy or a good boy?

-----
*Though taken liberally out of context, salamat kay Raft3r for the idea teehee

Ang Pagbabalik ng Ampalaya Quotes #1

2011-03-08T00:01:00.002+08:00

Tugon sa "Kumusta ang iyong puso?"

Anong puso? Saging lang ang may puso.

-----

Bitter much? :p

Top or Bottom?

2011-03-03T00:01:00.003+08:00

Tugon sa tanong: top ka ba o bottom?

"Pwede bang lunukin na lang?"

Shet.

Eto na nanaman ako.

TMI.

lolz

-----

Jusme. Kaya nabra-brand ako as "yung lumulunok" dahil sa mga pinagpo-post ko. Ayaw ka na talaga. From now on, I shall only post busilak, dalisay, and mayumi things.

Echozzzzz hahahahaha

Memories and Cowardice: An Apology

2011-02-28T00:01:00.128+08:00

"Anong pagkain mo sa bag?" I asked as I approached my friend at the back of the bus. We were enroute from Sweden to Germany; I was hungry and it was way past lunch time with no pit stop in sight.

She smiled as she handed me her large tote bag.

"Eto, may tinapay pa at mga jam from breakfast kanina. May nilagang itlog din dyan. Hanapin mo na lang yung asin sa pakete."

As I rummaged through it, I found a small paper bag. I opened it, and saw there were cherries from the previous dinner.

"Uy,cherries! Pwede ba 'tong arborin?" I said to her gleefully.

"Ay sorry, medyo nalamog na. Binaon ko talaga yan for you kasi napansin ko na pinapapak mo yung cherries sa dinner kagabi. Baka kamo e gusto mo yan, kaya kumuha ako't nilagay ko dyan sa bag."

So with my loot of cherries, I settled back into my seat and enjoyed my simple lunch of a crusty roll, some jam, and a hard boiled egg.

-----

I lived for several months in Europe eating out of that tote bag. It was part of the crazy financial experiment I did: would I survive on the allowance being given to us? I deliberately refrained from bringing cash and credit cards; all I had was a debit card for emergency purposes.

I did survive, thanks to the goodies inside the bag. Everyone in the group benefited from it. We termed it the mahiwagan baunan; it tided us over whenever we took cross-country trips on the bus across the continent.

This wouldn't have been possible of course, if she didn't have the foresight of actually wrapping the leftovers at the big gatherings and quietly slipping it into her bag. Eventually, it became the group's food storage bag. We'd sneak the food stuff on the table and hand it over to her for safekeeping. It was a comforting thought that we'd have something to nibble later on in the long ride.

-----

"Salamat sa lahat a," I said as I hugged her tightly in the dressing room.

It was the night of our homecoming concert. It was also the last time she would ever sing with us. She was resigning from the group since her children were growing up fast; the renumeration we were getting was not enough. Although I felt sad, I knew she always put her family's needs above everything else.

And when she left, she really left. Through the succeeding years, she never showed up in any of the concerts. Nor did she go to any of the organized social gatherings. I asked a good friend of hers the reason. He replied that she felt her decision was one of the most painful choices she ever made in her life. Seeing someone from the group would only remind her of it.

I respected her feelings, so I never really pushed myself to re-establish contact with her.

In hindsight, I probably should have.

-----

"Tita, kumusta na sya?"

"Nasa ICU pa rin, pero iche-chemo at ira-radiation therapy na sya soon. Bisita ka naman."

-----

Nung narining ko ang balita, natameme ako. Na-realize ko all of a sudden na wala ka na talaga. Ang pumasok kaagad sa utak ko e "I should've gone to the hospital. I should go to the wake." Pero alam mo, naduwag ako. Sorry, sorry talaga. Hindi ko ata kakayanin na makita ka ng ganun. Ang nagawa ko na lang e bago matulog ay alalahanin ang lahat ng masaya't malungkot na panahon natin sa grupo, ang lahat ng mga bonding moments natin while on tour.

I know it's not an excuse, pero alam ko naman na maiintindihan mo yun, di ba? Ganyan ka kasi kabait at kaunawain.

Kaya eto ako ngayon, nagsusulat sa blog para humihingi na e ng paumanhin sa aking kaduwagan. It's not much, it's not enough, but I hope you'll accept this simple offering.

You have been, and will always be, a part of my life.

And I write this in remembrance of you.

Angele Dei

as sung by the Philippine Madrigal Singers (2006)

Ángele Dei,

qui custos es mei,

me, tibi commissum pietáte supérna,

hodie illúmina, custódi,

rege et gubérna.

Amen.

Angel of God,

my guardian dear,

to whom God's love commits me here,

ever this day,

be at my side

to light and love,

to rule and guide.

Amen.

Ang recording na ito ay isa sa pinakahuling ensayo namin dito sa Pilipinas bago kami tumungo sa Europa para mag-compete.

Ito rin ang huling tour na kasama namin sya.

Tambling (NSFW)

2011-02-25T00:01:00.006+08:00

Tinanong ni Mugen kung alam ko daw yung blog na yun.

Sabi ko, hindi.

Sabi nya, bisitahin ko daw: http://tinyurl.com/4fmjfl4

Binuksan ko naman.

At ako'y napa...

QUE BARBARIDAD! QUE JALAY!!

Tambling kung tambling kasi er ang labanan!!!

Nakakalurkey lang, dabah???

lolz

p.s. Happy weekend, folks! Hinay-hinay lang sa booking at jerjer :P

For Rudeboy

2011-02-23T00:01:00.001+08:00

May this compass guide your way out of your labyrinth of darkness.

That's all I wish for - that you find your true north of peace once more.

Belated happy birthday, Ruddie.

For what it's worth, here's to more happy returns.

Delete Button

2011-02-21T06:23:00.003+08:00

It's very atypical of me to go on impulsive fits. I normally take time to think out my decisions, to consciously weigh the pros and cons. Case in point: the former blogger Jayvee complains whenever he accompanies me to shop. He says it takes me twenty minutes to decide between a matte and beaded facial wash, and another ten minutes to chose a night moisturizer or an spf-10 one.

~~Baklita decisions lang talaga ano?~~

That's why when I suddenly chose to delete my blog, I surprised myself. It was a spur of the moment thing: I saw the delete option, and I pressed on it.

Bang.

With a single click, this was what remained of my blog:

After a few hours, Kane suddenly texts me: "Why did your blog disappear?" When Maxwell dropped by my house a few days later, he also asked, "Why did you delete your blog?". I even got a brief text from Rudeboy: "So - did you shut down your blog?"

Of course I had to come up with an official statement. I glibly talked about being unconsciously pressured to write what was expected of me versus what I really wanted to. I also spoke of being too tired to write anything at all, not to mention trying to find my bearings for writing once again.

Shades of the truth, yes. But to be completely honest about it, I did it out of impulse. Plain and simple.

And it feels good.

It feels good to be reminded that once in while, I am allowed to do things out of whim without worrying about the consequences.

It feels good to be reminded that I don't have to be a control-freak with every decision that I make.

It feels good to do be reminded about the freedom of choice, whether borne out of rationality or a spur-of-the-moment whim.

But of course, I'm not exactly stupid. I actually backed up my blog a few days before deleting it. Backing up has always been an old habit of mine. Thank goodness for that. Thank goodness for the undelete option, too. Ano ako, sira para forever kong burahin yung mga pinagsususulat ko these past four years? hihihihi

And so, a few days before of the anniversary of my blog, I am back once more - a little worn around the edges, but still alive and kicking.

Here's to four years worth of writings, introspections, self-realizations, and a whole gamut in between!

-----

Sana may delete/undelte button din sa totoong buhay, ano?

About Blogging and Reading Blogs

2011-01-31T17:44:00.001+08:00

Edited transcript from a YM conversation with Kane:

(Kane): Ternie, tell me the truth
(Kane): whats ur opinion of pinoy gay blogging
eternal_wanderer01: what about it?
(Kane): im curious
(Kane): do you think we have excellent writers?
(Kane): etc etc
eternal_wanderer01: each have their own styles
eternal_wanderer01: some write floridly
eternal_wanderer01: some write concisely
eternal_wanderer01: some write about big ideas
eternal_wanderer01: some write about mundane things
eternal_wanderer01: the whole i point?
eternal_wanderer01: i read to learn
eternal_wanderer01: both with what they have to say
eternal_wanderer01: and how they say it

*End of transcript*

Why do you read blogs? For that matter, why do you write in a blog?

In Search of Happiness

2011-01-20T00:01:00.021+08:00

"When you sense a faint potentiality for happiness after such dark times, you must grab on to the ankles of that happiness and not let go until it drags you face first out of the dirt - it is not selfishness, but obligation."

Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

Everyone has their own measure of happiness. It is something personal, and should never be gauged against the happiness of others.

Whenever someone shares their own opinion of what happiness should be, be open to it; you can never tell what you can learn from what others say.

However, it is also impolite to force on others the idea of what happiness should be; we are but guests on-board their lives, and not the skipper of their ship.

Happiness is truly an intangible gift; and like most intangibles in life, use it wisely and sow it lovingly - the reaps will be a hundredfold greater whenever happiness is shared with others.

And in that pursuit for happiness, keep in mind that you do not deliberately hurt others. You do not own the sole right to happiness. After all, everyone deserves to be happy.

So go forth, and create your own happiness.

Choose to be happy, strive to be happy - and life will be well worth living.

Ever After

2011-01-17T00:01:00.073+08:00

I wish I could say it ended up like a fairytale: the prince and I meet, we fall in love, and then we live happily ever after. And for a brief time, I actually thought we would. He was charming as a prince, after all. Tall, dashing, smart, well-established, seemingly sensitive as a poet, and having an inner core of strength that comes with tribulations in life - a perfect package that one only reads in children's bedtime stories. But what attracted me most was the way he'd cry at things that would tug at his heart: a nostalgic kundiman, or even a touching blog post or two.

Here was my prince, ready to sweep me off my feet.

Who wouldn't fall for someone like that?

And yes, fall hard I did. As hard as one could fall in these circumstances.

We spent countless hours conversing about our fervent hopes and our deepest fears. We shared our plans and our intent for one another. He even cried once more when we finally exchanged I-love-you's.

Those words are powerful, aren't they? They are like keys that open your heart up, leaving you exposed and vulnerable. It creates an bond that is both hallowed and immutable. That's how much those words mean to me. I thought they had the same effect on him, too. But the moment he suddenly cut dead the communication between us, I knew otherwise: those I-love-you's he whispered to me were just words, barren and devoid of any meaning.

Days passed, and he never returned my texts. He kept on canceling my calls. I was left groping in the dark, burdened with so many unanswered questions. Worse, self-doubt and insecurities started to rear its ugly head once more. What was the matter? What did I do? What did I not do? Did I do too little? Did I do too much?

I spent the next few days staggering around, lost in an agitated daze.

-----

The proverbial pen proved to be my lone solace. In the midst of my emotional turmoil, I wrote of all my pain. I wrote of all my hurt. I wrote of all my bitterness. I spewed out words that were jagged and acerbic. I spewed out words laced with venom. I spewed them all out until I had nothing left but the numb feeling of emptiness.

At the end though, I decided not to post them. It was enough for me to undergo catharsis through writing. I was already unburdened - there was no need for a public outburst. Raw feelings are best left in private, where they remain a sacred scar imprinted upon the heart.

-----

I wish I could say it ended up like a fairytale: the prince and I meet, we fall in love, and then we live happily ever after.

Sadly, it did not.

But no matter. That the love may not have lasted ever after is missing the point.

The point here, I feel, is that I have loved, truly and honestly.

And that my heart, though weary and battle-scarred, still knows how to embrace the word "hope."
-----

To the unnamed one, I still recall the night you asked me if I could sing your song.

And I would have, with all the care I could muster.

But your song song remains still unsung; an unrealized series of notes and words written out on a sheet of paper.

I bear hard feelings no more. All I wish for is that one day, you may find the singer to perform your music.

Around the World in 80 Days, Proverbially Speaking 3 (A Re-post)

2011-01-12T04:30:00.001+08:00

a thug at the Jewish Memorial in Berlin, Germany

Berliner Dom in Berlin, Germany

Germany is almost always our entry point in Europe. Apparently, the embassy gives out cultural visas for free. So if you, in anyway, can dance the singkil, declaim Adios, Patria adorada, or sing an Ilonggot lullaby, why not apply for a Schengen cultural visa at the German embassy? You get a free one, too hehe

Germany = sausage heaven. I'm a fan of sausages (the real ones, you naughty, naughty reader you!), so I got my chops licking whenever bratwurst, liverwurst, weißwurst, etc was served. But the most unusual kind of sausage I ate was currywurst. Basically it's chopped up bratwurst grilled and then powdered with curry. Partnered with real fries, I'll take it anytime over McDo and its ilk anytime.

I love Paris!

Of all the cities I've gone around to, Paris remains the one closest to my heart. It's where I met the man of my dreams, who swept me off my feet when I least expected it. We kissed tenderly in the softest night time drizzles, and we made sweet love until the rising sun made its presence known, peeping through the early morning clouds...

Gumising ka, Maruya.

Mwahahahahaha

The times I've been to Paris, I've always made sure to visit both the tourist traps and the local color of the city. Soaking up all the art and exhibits at the Louvre and Musée d'Orsay, marveling at the Nortre Dame and the Sacre Couer, ogling both at the Palais de Versailles and the Moulin Rouge - feast for the eyes and food for the soul. But it was also equally fascinating to discover neighborhood finds - the flakiest and most buttery croissants, the quaint corner bistros with their handwritten menus and café you can sip all-day long, the weekend market where you can buy the cheapest, freshest, and sweetest cherries and peaches. It's all of these things and much more that definitely makes Paris very memorable for me.

break from all the walking somewhere in Venice, Italy

Snowing it up in the Italian Alps

Audiences all over Europe are very appreciative whenever we do concerts. I found it weird that even if a particular performance sucked, they'd still clap their hounds out. But audiences in Italy are a different lot. Reserved is a word that's non-existent in their vocabulary. They'd shout or even roar in approval if they liked a particular song. In the more quiet passages, it wasn't unusual to see people sniffing and wiping their tears away. It makes me think that there's some truth to the saying that music is universal and transcends any language after all.

Italy is all about pasta, pizza, and gelati. There was a dinner I remember that we were fed platters of the thinnest and crunchiest pizzas I've ever tasted. The Italians would find it amusing that we would slather parmesan cheese all over non-tomato based pasta. Apparently, it's a big no-no. Oh, don't even get me started on gelati! Arrrrgh!!!

Almost 30 countires, and countless cities - yes, I've been around literally. But at the end of the day, I'd still hanker for my own bed in my own house in Manila. Give me adobo, sinigang na baboy, kare-kare, and rice anytime, please. I guess it's my own at person at work: a creature of comfort, where there's nothing sweeter than the thought of home sweet home.

Gary was right. Babalik at babalik ka rin!

Around the World in 80 Days, Proverbially Speaking 2 (A Re-post)

2011-01-10T07:41:00.001+08:00

Old Town in Brussels, Belgium

I just love romping through these parts of any city! We spent the whole morning exploring the nooks and crannies in the old town section in Brussels. I munched on authentic Belgian waffles (almost bready in taste and texture), and loaded up on Belgian chocolates for pasalubong. Bad decision. It took all my creativity to figure out how to store the chocolates in my luggage without them being squashed.

By the way, I couldn't help but look for Patrash! lolz

At the side of the Swedish Royal Palace in Stockholm, Sweden

We arrived in Stockholm aboard a cruise ship. In one of the concerts, word got around that the Swedish choir we were competing against in a few months' time would be watching us. We gave them an eat-that-beeyatch singing that night! hahahaha Though the serious choral tradition has only been around for a generation or so, I'm proud to say that Filipino choirs are much feared and respected in competitions abroad :)

My dad and I shared hours of swapping stories about our Sweden He spent almost a year doing post-grad studies in his field. He told me student experiences. I told him about my midnight escapade with my friend. We snuck out at night, took ferry and train to Copenhagen, drank coffee there, and were back by 7 a.m. just in time for breakfast!

Partying in Torrevieja, Spain

This is the only place I experienced wherein it wasn't unusual for concerts to start at 10:00 p.m. It's a very laid back country, very casual and easy-going. It's prolly the cheapest place in Europe where I could by cigs. For € 2.50 a pack, it's practically a steal!

Callos, torta de patatas, and paella made me miss home very much. In Bilbao, I searched in vain for authentic chorizo de bilbao (no such thing), and in turn, I got by asked people on how much a mantel de manila in the Philipiines is (no such thing either). Pantomining ala charades with some sales ladies, I managed to buy some really kewl abanicos in El Corte Ingles (their SM) :D

A Proclamation

2011-01-06T00:01:00.001+08:00

To the unnamed one who is broken, I am not here to piece you back together. I am not a mender, nor did I ever fancy myself to be one. It is you, and only who can do that; no one else. But these are the things I promise I can do for you:

That I will be there for you,

To cradle you in my arms when you need comfort,

And to lift your spirits,

That you may soar in the expansive skies once more,

As you rightfully should.

Ginahugma kita, Ga.

Around the World in 80 Days, Proverbially Speaking 1 (A Re-post)

2011-01-04T00:01:00.002+08:00

The best part of what I used to do was that I got to travel around Asia, Europe, and North America singing my ass off. At that time, I'd take it for granted to pack my luggage for months at end. Sure, it was exhausting and grueling to be constantly on the road. But looking back, I was definitely lucky enough to have been be able to go around and see really, really cool stuff.

Here are some of my pics:

freezing our butts off in Seoul, South Korea

For some weird reason, we'd always end up in South Korea during winter time. In the pic above, we just had lunch at a restaurant. Korean bbq stuffed with rice and wrapped in a lettuce leaf is love, but their noodles are way too spicy. Needless to say, I'm not a fan of spicy foods at all.

In one of the trips, we went around South Korea for about three weeks. One thing that consistently impressed me are their auditoriums. Even in the most far-flung towns we went to, there'd always be a fabulous theater with great acoustics. Yes folks, apparently cultural presentations are a big thing in South Korea.

doing the clothed Oblation in the Red Square in Moscow, Russia

the obligatory group shot in front of St. Basil's Cathedral.
Also in Moscow, Russia.

Ah, Russia. One of the dream countries I've always wanted to go to. It was end of spring when we went there, but the temperature was still almost freezing. I think 11 of us shared a sparse apartment with NO hot water running. Never, under any circumstance, take a shower in Russian springtime with hot water. I tried braving it for the first time like a man and ended up screaming like, ermmm, a faggot hahahahahaha

The subway stations in Moscow were replete with murals and chandeliers. It was like going to a museum every time we'd go down and ride a train. One pleasant surprise for me: Russian men are HOT! weeeeee

in the port terminal in Helsinki, Finland

We ended up taking the overnight train to Finland. I'm telling you, nothing more stressful than trying to load forty-plus huge luggages in a train in under a minute or so. I remember though sharing the cabin with my three other voice-section mates, where we did housecleaning among ourselves.

Helsinki was wet and dreary the whole time we were there. It wasn't much fun going around in the dripping rain, hence the lack of decent pics. Of all the oddest things I could've done, I caught the Da Vinci Code in a movie house to kill time. Yes, complete with Finnish subtitles hehehe

Isang Tunay na Masayang Pasko

2010-12-25T00:01:00.019+08:00

At sa tuwing pagsikat at paglubog ng araw
Nagsisimula't nagwawakas sa salitang "ikaw"
Kaya huwag mo nang itanong kung ano pa sa akin ay kulang
Dahil bawat araw kasama ka ay Paskong walang hanggan.

- Paskong Walang Hanggan (Ryan Cayabyab/Jose Javier Reyes)

And a Merry Christmas to one and all! :)

Random Thoughts at 5 A.M.

2010-12-21T05:19:00.002+08:00

1. I just finished special project # 2 for the office yesterday. At my level, only two of us are being pulled out to handle projects for the entire account and not just our line of business. So far, everything I've been involved with has been very successful. Mabangong-mabango ako sa ExeCom of the account. They know me even if we haven't been formally introduced. Hmmm, can I smell the promotion just around the corner? Teehee

2. Another thing that's around the corner is Christmas, but I don't remotely feel the season. I don't want to come across as jaded, but whoever said Christmas is just for kids might be right after all :(

3. Speaking of the two of us, I'm actually starting to hate the girl I'm usually partnered up with for the account projects. Even if I will always be grateful for her acts of kindness during my first few weeks on the floor, working up-close with her has made me see her Hyde side. She's bossy and doesn't know how to delegate. It's a case of "mine, mine, and all, MINE!" Worse, she loves to engage in gossip about other people on the floor, something which I'm allergic to.

4. Should I move into Operations or go into Training? My ex-Immediate Boss told me he sees me in Training. He said they need more people who can explain things clearly and in simple terms. But an account Operations Manager told me he sees me in Operations because I'm competitive and up to a good challenge.

5. Our line of business is about to be pulled out. My friend in the workforce department was right, after all. "Ang dami nyong avail masyado," she said. The volume is of calls is just too low. The 99% service level for the past two and a half months is simply ridiculous. By next month, we'll be re-deployed to other lines of businesses within the same account. Good news is they're in the permanent day-shift. Bad news is bye-bye night differential and hello rush hour MRT grrrrrr

6. I miss Pedro Penduko and his ~~magical cock~~ mahiwagang manok huhuhuhu

Paglulunok #3

2010-12-06T00:01:00.014+08:00

This time, hindi na ako na-surprise. At ang masasabi ko lang ay:

How sweet is ~~it to swallow~~ your love!

-----
Ika nga ni Pedro, "Lunukin mo. Vitamins yan. Very nutritious!"

And because I'm an obedient person, e may I swallow naman ang ginawa ko.

Aw.

TMI na naman.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Masks (A Re-post)

2010-12-03T00:01:00.000+08:00

I am Eternal Wanderer, but yet I am just a mask.

It is not me, but it is still me.

It is not the whole of me, but a part of who I am.

We all put on masks. Different masks to different people. To our parents. To our siblings. To our friends. To our lovers.

Sometimes, we even layer it. One at a time. A careful and calculated construction.

At the end of the day, we take it off.

I take it off.

Only to discover that I am the mask underneath.

Have I become the mask, or has the mask become me?

-----

A postscript to Kane's entry.

P.S. Sorry di ako maka-reply kaagad sa last post. Sobrang toxic ang projects na binigay sa akin sa opisina. Nakasalalay ang promotion ko sa mga 'to! :P Pahinga muna mode muna ako mula sa pagkukwento tungkol sa teleserye namin ni Pedro Penduko. Abangan na lang ang susunod na kabanata hehehe

Untitiled 4

2010-12-01T00:01:00.013+08:00

Bakit ganun?

Sinisigawan na ako ng utak ko, pero iba pa rin ang binubulong ng puso ko.

At ang binubulong ng puso ko

ay ikaw.

-----

Paumanhin naman. Pati ako, di ko rin ma-take ang cheesiness. Sabi ko nga sa kanya, kung pwede lang, e gusto kong hugutin ang puso ko mula sa dibdib at ihagis sa pader. Gagawin ko yun para lang manahimik ang pambubulong.

Hayzt.

hihihihihi

Borne Out of Tears and Darkness

2010-11-26T00:01:00.044+08:00

Nang Kumerembang si Eternal Wanderer sa Opisina 5

"Ternie...Ternie," I heard a voice softly calling out to me in the darkness of my room.

I was still crouched under the sheets. I slowly opened my eyes, and tried to look at who it was. As my bleary sight adjusted, I saw Pedro seated on the floor with his back against the wall. I was surprised.because he arrived earlier than I expected. He was supposed to meet his cousin to get packages meant for his relatives in the province.

"Uhmmm, anong oras ka dumating?" I replied to him groggily.

He just stared at me for several seconds.

"Tinutukan ako ng baril. Na-hold up ako."

I was jolted awake all of a sudden. I immediately stood up from the bed and sat down beside him.

"Ha?! What the fuck?! Anong nangyari?!"

"Nag...nag-bus ako ako na di aircon para makatipid. Nasa may bandang likod ako. May umupo na lalaki sa tabi at likod ko. Tinutukan ako ng baril. Pati yung babae sa harap ko, tinutukan ng baril. Nakuha yung kwintas nung babae. Kinuha nila yung bag ko. Nandoon ang cell phone ko, ang mga atm ko. Pati atm para sa sweldo natin sa Friday, nandoon din. Tang ina, Ternie, nandoon...nandoon din yung...yung iPod Touch mo na hiniram ko sa yo."

His voice croaked. It broke and then he began to cry. Gradually at first, his chokes became heaves of pain and bitterness. He started cursing at his lot in life

"Putang ina naman...mabait ako na tao...hindi naman ako nananakit ng iba a. Bakit nangyayari ang mga bagay na to sa akin? Putang ina, malas talaga ako, Ternie...ayoko na...putang ina, pagod na pagod na ako sa buhay ko. Sana lumaban na lang ako para binaril ako, para namatay na lang ako."

He punched at the wall in frustration. He begged me to punch him, too. To punish him for using my iPod Touch. To punish him for not taking care of something he borrowed. To punish him for being too ambitious in using things he has never had in life.

In between his jagged sobs, he offered to leave his laptop with me in exchange for the stolen iPod. He even reached for his remaining decrepit cellphone on the table. He wanted to give them to me to take away the guilt from losing my iPod.

I pulled him back and cradled him instead. For immeasurable moments, I kept on hushing him and stroking his hair. I gently told him, "It's ok. iPod lang yon. Ang mga bagay na ganun, napapalitan. Pero ang buhay ng tao, hindi. Lalong-lalo na sa yo."

Slowly, I felt his heaving start to ebb. He looked up at me, got my hand, and put it to his quivering cheek. It was hot with his flowing tears.

"Ang in-expect ko, susuntukin mo ako. Mumurahin mo ako. Ayoko na sanang umuwi pa dito. Naglakad ako ng malayo habang tulala kasi di ko na kaya iharap ang mukha ko sa yo. Pero bakit ka ganyan sa akin? Ni ayaw mo akong sigawan. Ni ayaw mo ako pagbuhtan ng kamay. Sobrang bait mo talaga. Hindi ko na alam kung paano ko ibabalik ang lahat ng iyan."

I just sighed, kissed his head, and proceeded to stroke his still-wet cheek.

-----

He eventually spent himself and fell into an exhausted sleep in my arms.

And in the quiet darkness, I closed my eyes and whispered back my answer.

"Kasi ngayon ko lang na-realize na talagang mahal na kita."

Nang Kumerembang si Eternal Wanderer sa Opisina 7

Nang Kumerembang si Eternal Wanderer sa Opisina 6: Ang Pagpapalit Anyo ni Julie Vega

2010-11-22T00:01:00.289+08:00

Nang Kumerembang si Eternal Wanderer sa Opisina 5

Ang mga sumunod na linggo ay parang isang blurry dream kay Eternal Wanderer. Panaginip kasi alam nya na kailangan din yang magising sa katotohanan na biláng ang mga araw ng pagsasama nila ni Pedro. Alam din nya na basically straight ang orientation ni Pedro. Maghahanap at maghahanap din ito ng pechay. In fact may, girlfriend nga ito sa probinsya. Not to mention may pinopormahan pa syang babaeng officemate.

Kaya pala lasang bilat ang ~~magical cock~~ mahiwagang manok ni Pedro Penduko.

Ay, etchoz per minute lang yun, mga ning. Rineresist kung resist talaga ni Eternal Wanderer na mauwi sa sex kasi kung mangyari man ito, e baka tuluyan na siyang tumambling sa bangin. Masyadong ng maraming problema sa buhay si Pedro. Ayaw nang dagdagan pa ni Eternal Wanderer ang pasan ng isip at damdamin nung isa.

Masalimuot ang ganoong sitwasyon, ano? Kahit sa anong anggulong tignan, sa huli e dehado talaga si Eternal Wanderer.

Pero kevrloo lang muna si Eternal sa mga isipang iyon. Cross the bridge na lang when you get there, ika nga. Ang bottomline e masaya siya sa mga moments nila ni Pedro Penduko. Yung mga moments na nagkukwento si Pedro ng kanyang snippets of his childhood. Yung mga moments na nagkikilitian sila sa kama. Yung mga moments na habang tulog si Pedro, e nakabantay lang si Eternal Wanderer at hinahaplos ang buhok at noo nito. Yung mga moments na kinukurot na lang ni Pedro ang pisngi ni Eternal Wanderer for no reason at all. At ang pinakapaborito ni Eternal Wanderer, yung mga moments na pagpatulog na sila, e akap-akap ni Eternal Wanderer si Pedro.

Isang gabi pagkatapos nila gumala, they found themselves pagod at nakahilata sa kama ni Eternal Wanderer.

"Ang bait mo talaga, Ternie. Seryoso ako. Hindi ko na alam kung paano susuklian kabaitan mo," sambit ni Pedro Penduko habang nakatingin sa kisame.

"~~Helloooow, kasi naman, letse ka. Bakit pilit mong kinakabog ang puso ko?~~ Sus, wala yun ano," banayad na sumagot si Eternal Wanderer.

Katahimikan ang sumunod na eksena. Awkward kung baga, pero karamdam-ramdam ang tensyon sa ere.

Nag-shift sila ng position. Nagkaharapan. Nagkatinginan. Mata sa mata.

Kinuha ni Pedro Penduko ang kamay ni Ternie. Dahan-dahang idinatay sa crotch.

Matigas na ito. Mainit. Pumipitlig-pitlig. Handang-handa ng makipagsabungan ang ~~magical cock~~ mahiwagang manok ni Pedro Penduko.

Marupok si Eternal Wanderer. Hindi na nya kinayang makapagpigil pa.

Kaya sa mga sandaling iyon,

ang mga mata ni Anghelita

ay nag-transform

into the bibig ni Oblina.

Borne Out of Tears and Darkness

Nang Kumerembang si Eternal Wanderer sa Opisina 5: Ngisi = Tumbling sa Bangin

2010-11-19T00:05:00.003+08:00

Nang Kumerembang si Eternal Wanderer sa Opisina 4

May ilang araw na rin ang nakaraan simula nung nagsasama sila sa iisang bubong. It turned out, ang mang-aalaa ay naging alagain. Nadiscover kasi ni Eternal Wanderer na maasikaso si Pedro Penduko. Tuwing kumakain sila, e inalagyan nya muna ng kaninin at ulam ang plato ni Eternal Wanderer. Kapag gumagala naman sila, kusang binibitbit ni Pedro an mga dala-dala ung isa. At kahit na 2.5 hrs na nauuna matapos sa trabaho si Pedro at marunong naman ito mag-commute pauwi, e inaantay nya si Eternal Wanderer para sabay silang umuwi sa bahay.

Nung una, naasiwa si Eternal Wanderer. Hindi kasi sya sanay sa ganun na role. Pero eventually, nag-relax din sya, at in-enjoy na lang ang feeling ng kinakalinga.

One time, out of the blue e inalok ni Pedro Penduko na linisin ang kotse ni Eternal Wanderer.

"Wag ka o.a. Ano ka, car wash boy?"

"Wala lang. Ayoko mo namang masabi na wala akong silbi."

"Alam mo, bisita kita ~~sa puson ko~~. Ang bisita, never inuutusan, never pinagagawa ng household chores."

Napayuko si Pedro Penduko. Sumimangot.

"O, bakit ka sumisimagot?"

"Baka kasi isipin mo inaabuso ko ang kabaitan mo."

"Impeyrniz, ma-drama ka. Ikaw na. Ikaw na ang Famas Hall of Fame awardee for best actor!"

Napangisi sya.

~~Lalo syang kumukyut whenever he smiles.~~

At sinabayan sa pangisi ni Pedro Penduko ang pagngisi ng puso ni Eternal Wanderer.

Eeeeeeee!!!

Nang Kumerembang si Eternal Wanderer sa Opisina 6

Nang Kumerembang si Eternal Wanderer sa Opisina 4: Si Pedro Penduko at si Imelda Marcos

2010-11-15T00:01:00.066+08:00

Nang Kumerembang si Eternal Wanderer sa Opisina 3

"''Pre, magre-resign na ako sa trabaho. Uuwi na ako sa probinsya. Hindi ko na kaya dito sa Maynila. At saka, miss ko na rin anak ko," sabi ni Pedro Penduko kay Eternal Wanderer habang nagyoyosi sila sa labas ng building.

May ilang buwan na rin ang nakalipas simula nung nakilala ni Eternal Wanderer si Pedro Penduko. Ang pinagsimulan ng paghingi ng yosi ay umusbong sa pagiging magkaibigan. Madalas sila magsama pag-break time, ~~nagkwekwentutan~~ nagkwekwentuhan habang naninigarilyo. Minsan, sabay sila mag-lunch. Pero sa totoo lang, deliberately ginagawa ni Eternal Wanderer na mag-coincide ang lunches nila. Kiver sa schedule adherance. Kaya hayun, dumating ang panahon na nagkataon sila lang dalawa ang kumain sa pantry. Kilig naman si Eternal Wanderer. Date kung date ang pakiramdam nya.

Gay Greek Chorus: Ilusyonadang baddeeeeeeeeeeette!

Makulet at makwento si mokong. Mabait at bibo rin. Everytime na ~~sadyang~~ napapadpad si Eternal Wanderer sa aisle nila Pedro Penduko, may ready tungo si ungok with matching smile and kindat. Hello, sino ba naman ang 'di kikiligin sa ganon, 'di ba Madame Chuni? Pero pakipot si Eternal Wanderer. Tutungo lang ito in curt acknowledgement.

Greek Gay Chorus: Impeyrniz, dude to dude ang drama ni Eternal Wanderer. Echuzerang froglette kaaaaa!!!

Pero hindi na raw masaya si Pedro Penduko sa work. Umaasa na nga kasi ang pamilya nya sa kanya, tapos may anak pa syang inaalala. Kulang na kulang ang sahod nya. Madalas nga, e once a day na lang sya kumakain mapadala lang nya sa probinsya ang pera para sa kanyang pamilya't anak. Nasasayangan nga raw sya sa P700 na binabayad sa bedspace. Kung pwede lang daw sya matulog sa sleeping quarters ng opisina e gagawin nya yun para lalong makatipid.

Napatahimik tuloy si Eternal Wanderer.

Esep, esep.

"Alam mo, Pedro, tutal magre-resign ka na nga lang, e tumuloy ka na lang muna sa amin para di ka na mag-renta"

"Di nga? Ayoko naman. Nakakhiya."

"Ok lang yun. Sino ba naman ang magtutulungan kundi tayo-tayo din?"

PAK!

At sa pagkakataon na yon, na-feel ni Eternal Wanderer na sya ay naging isang ganap na:

Imelda Romualdez Marcos, patroness of the needy.

Nakakalurkey lang naman ag pinag-gagagawa ni Eternal Wanderer sa ngalan ng kerembang, dabah???

Nang Kumerembang si Eternal Wanderer sa Opisina 5

Nang Kumerembang si Eternal Wanderer sa Opisina 3

2010-11-08T00:01:00.075+08:00

Nang Kumerembang si Eternal Wanderer sa Opisina 2

Na-obssess ng husto ang mga mata ni Anghelita kay Lalaki sa CR. Di nya ito tinantanan. Kapag nakikita nya ito sa pantry, hallway o yosihan, e may I bring out ang abaniko with matching coy na pasulyap-sulyap and kolehiyala giggle ang drama ni Eternal Wanderer. Yiz, mga ineng, very Maria Clara ang arrive, dabah?

Gay Greek Chorus: Tamaaaaaah!

One time na sight ni Eternal Wanderer na nasa sunduan ng building si Lalaki. Walang kasama, pero may kausap sa cell phone. Naisip tuloy ni Eternal Wander na ito na ang perfect opportunity na mag-strike up ng casual conversation. Kaya nag-set up sya kaagad ng séance session at nagpasanib sa mga ~~mahahaliparot~~ ~~malalande~~ ~~maalembong~~ na espiritu nila Iurico, Caridad, at Madame Chuni para lang magkalakas ng loob. Pero nung papalapit na sya, may dumaan bigla na kotse at huminto sa harap ni Lalaki.

Impeyrniz, de-sundo pala si Lalaki. Na-curious tuloy si Eternal Wanderer. Sinech kaya itech?

Dahan-dahan binaba ng driver ang bintana. At dahil uzizera si Eternal Wanderer, sinight nya kaagad ang nagmamaneho.

Juskupolord.

Isa itong leafy green vegetable.

And worse, nung sumakay si Lalaki, e hinalikan nya ito.

Punyetah naman. Sana ma-Wack Wack Golf and Country Club ang kipengpang ni girl!

Case Analysis: Walang panama ang Grand Canyon ni Eternal Wanderer sa talaba ni bilat.
Recommended action: Ginigisa dapat ang mga pechay.

Case # 2: Si Pedro Penduko at ang Kanyang Mahiwagang Manok

Hindi nawalan ng hope ang mga mata ni Anghelita. Perennial optimist kasi ang mga iyon. But because nasawi ang mga ito, nagkaroon ang ito ng isang napaka-profound realization: bakit pa kelangan maghanap sa ibang account, e sa floor nya mismo, it's raining minchikelz naman? So dali-dali sinulyap ni Eternal Wanderer ang kanyang office.

"Check ito...no...check iyan...NO...pwede na yun....eeeew...panawid gutom naman yung isa"

Tinin, tingin, tingin.

(Impeyrniz, ang choosy mo, Eternal Wanderer!)

Tingin, tingin, tingin.

"Hmmmm, well, sige na nga, go lang ng go habang..."

"Huy, may yosi ka ba? Pwede makihingi?"

Letse. Nasira ang reverie ni Eternal Wanderer sa kanyang mga sinasight na officemates. May nagsalita kasi sa likod nya. Nakakajimbudo a!

Humarap si Eternal Wanderer para talakan kung sino man ang nakikihingi ng sigarilyo.

Pero natahimik sya.

Dahil tumambad sa harapan ng mga mata ni Anghelita si Pedro Penduko at ang kanyang ~~magical cock~~ mahiwagang manok.

Ahihihihihihi

Nang Kumerembang si Eternal Wanderer sa Opisina 4

The Reason Why I Breathe Opera

2010-11-02T00:01:00.040+08:00

Dame Joan Sutherland
1926-2010

Dramatic Coloratura assoluta
La Stupenda è morta, viva La Stupenda!

-----

My belated tribute to the great soprano who died a few weeks ago. This was the very first aria of hers that I listened to, and it lead it eventually lead me to singing opera years later.

Thank you, Dame Joan, for the wonderful introduction to opera. You will be sorely missed.

For Anthony (A Repost)

2010-10-29T09:54:00.000+08:00

Dear Anton,

Wow, it's been a while hasn't it? I'd offer a thousand and one excuse for not writing you at all, but hey, better late than never ehehehehe

So how's it over there? I was just thinking how great it would if you were here. I'd be hamming it up as the kuya and you'd whining in the bunso role. Since brothers will always be brothers, and boys will always be boys, we'd prolly be at each other's throats, too. We'd also prolly hang out like crazy with my tropa. You'd like them because they're good guys, just like both of us are *wink*. I'd be drinking Coke Zero and you gulping down all the alcohol. Damn, I miss that! I haven't drank since like about forever. But don't worry, I'd definitely match you with Malboro lights, stick by stick!

I know it's been ages, but I still remember the time you decided to visit. I was really excited then. After all, who kuya wouldn't be excited to see his lil' brother? Pops was away most of the time, so it was Mom whom I kept badgering about your arrival. Chuck my impatience and over-eagerness to the kuya mentality, but I just couldn't get enough of the idea that you'd be arriving anytime soon.

It was a flurry of activities - all the wait, the preparations, and the arrival itself. As the date approached, I even fixed up my things in my room to make space for you. My room was a mess, but mom didn't even have to remind me to clean the stuff out. I knew we'd definitely be room mates. I wouldn't have it any other way, of course.

Then the big day arrived. And due to some unforeseen turn of events, you just came and went. I know, I know, it was over sooner than what everyone expected. If you ask me, I would've wanted you to stay a little longer than you did. But I know you also had other plans. C'est la vie. I do remember though, the long night and hushed tones, and how lola was patiently explaining to me what had just happened.

Still, all is good with everything. As you very well know, Popsy and Mom aren't together anymore. I also know that you know they are okay with it. Don't worry, I'm also at peace with their decision. I hope you are, too.

Popsy, Mom, and I now have our own lives to live. Life is going as it should be.

It's odd that I haven't thought about you for a long, long time.

But last night, Anton, the almost-faded memory of you crossed my mind.

And I thought that perhaps, maybe just perhaps, that if you were still here, then our family would still be together.

Love,

Your Kuya

P.S. I admit haven't been quite a good older brother as I should be. When Mom and I visited the graves of our two lolos and our uncle, she told me to include your name on the inscription --- so that you would be remembered, always.

Ang Gawain ng Dalisay, Busilak, at Mayumi

2010-10-27T00:01:00.017+08:00

Hango sa conversation sa YM

Ternie: anong gawa mo?
Spice: eto sa office
Spice: o.t.
Ternie: on a sat?
Ternie: milagro
Spice: am bored na nga e.
Spice: wala man lang maka-sex sa office.
Spice: haist
Spice: am horny
Spice: ay
Ternie: aw
Ternie: ganun?
Ternie: dali, punta ako dyan
Ternie: now na!!!
Spice: gow
Spice: dala ka ng lube!

Etchozzz lang! wahahahaha

Untitled 3

2010-10-26T00:01:00.009+08:00

Dear Ternie,

Running is ok.

I just hope, though, that you're running towards something.

And not away from something.

Love,

Ternie.
-----
Does the destination matter more than the journey?

Numbers 3

2010-10-08T00:01:00.069+08:00

Numbers 2

I always discussed with the guy I was mentoring what he did good and what he could improve on. I also let him listen in to my calls, and made sure I got feedback from him. One of the regular coaches and I even gave him a pep talk, of which he responded to very enthusiastically. That was all I wanted, that he be willing to learn, both in the technical and the communication aspects.

His enthusiasm was infectious. I found another purpose in my work. I swore I'd never give up on the guy I was mentoring.

Sad to say, it was the system that gave up on him.

A few hours after the coach and I gave the pep talk to the guy, rumors suddenly swirled around the floor that people were being let go. I could see that one by one, Big Boss was approaching the non-performers and leading them to the aisle where his station was. When he came to my station to ask me if I could talk to the one I was mentoring, no amount of hushed arguing could change the situation. The client demanded to take out those who were attracting a huge amount of dissatisfied surveys.

It was business as usual the next day. Or so it seemed. In the air, there was a palpable undercurrent of tension. One could almost taste it like an unsavory relish. What was odd though was that Big Boss didn't show up. Later on, both Immediate Boss and Department Head told me they'd be off the floor for a meeting. They asked me and two other people to man the floor in the meantime. When I asked Immediate Boss what time they'd be back, he said he didn't know. It didn't take a genius to intuit something was amiss.

My hunch was right. It turned out, the client dismissed Big Boss, too. Collateral damage, so to speak. The numbers were downright horrid, and they asked for his head since he had command responsibility of the whole operation.

Department Head was now our New Big Boss.

All of these my Immediate Boss told me as he hitched a ride going home. Lost in thought, I was silent for most of the time. And when he got off, I remained silent for the rest of my drive home.

-----

Three weeks after that disastrous turn of events, our numbers are now in the 80's percentage.

The aisles that were once full now seem to be like a ghost town. Among those who are left, many are contemplating on resigning.

I am still there because I'd like to think my numbers are still safe - for now.

But the whole bloodbath made me realize that in this business, we are all but just figures and statistics; anonymous numbers that are compartmentalized in white-cold Excel sheet cells.

Welcome to the corporate world, Ternie. I hope you survive the experience.

-----

"Numbers don't feel, and neither do you feel for numbers."

- re-adapted quote from Mugen

Numbers 2

2010-10-06T00:01:00.014+08:00

Numbers 1

Part of the responsibilities of being a trainer apprentice was to mentor someone who was getting numerous dissatisfaction surveys from the callers. It took a few days before our schedules coincided, but once they matched up, I grabbed the chance to listen in to his call.

How I wished I didn't.

It was painful to listen how he was fast losing control. The caller was getting more and more irate. At one point, the control freak in me wanted to take over to wrap everything up. "But it was not my call", I reminded myself while clenching my fingers. Still, I felt I had to do something. I started writing down instructions on a piece of paper the steps he could take; how to check what was wrong with the caller's device.

What could have taken 15-20 minutes max took a little over an hour.

I went back to my station with a splitting headache.

"So how did it go?" Immediate Boss asked me as I sat down and brought my palms to my forehead.

"Don't ask. My head hurts."

"So I take it didn't go well."

"No, not at all." I continued rubbing my forehead, hoping to make the throbbing go away. "I could understand how he could have passed the technical training. He seemed to have an idea on how to go about. But how could he have gotten pass the initial interview, much less the communication skills training?"

"You'll be surprised. If you ask me, it's a flawed system. They need a certain number to pass. It's part of a trainers' metrics."

I rolled my eyes. "Sure, and we end up being flooded with dissatisfaction surveys."

Immediate Boss nonchalantly shrugged his shoulders while I plugged in my headset, ready to face the grind once more.

Numbers 3

Numbers 1

2010-10-04T00:01:00.008+08:00

"I heard people are being let go," I whispered to Immediate Boss as I approached him. He got his Visine, put a few drops onto his right eye, and was about to reply when Big Boss arrived in our area.

"Ternie, could I have a word with.."

I interrupted him even before he could finish.

"I heard people are being asked to resign because of their very bad metrics. Is it true?"

"Yes, it's true." He paused as he gathered his thoughts to reply. "You know how it is. Clients expect our account to deliver, and so far it's not. At the end of the day, it's all about the numbers."

"But these are people we're dealing with, not just spreadsheets!" I heatedly replied in a hushed voice. "I feel dejected about the whole business of firing them at this point. If communication skills is the issue, why were they even allowed to pass the trainings that we had?"

-----

Barely two months into my first job, I snagged a possibility for vertical movement. An internal memo came out stating that the department was open for training apprentices. Needless to say, I immediately informed Boss Lady and Immediate Boss that I was very much interested. It was a bold move on my part considering I was a neophyte in the industry. All I had to back me up was good numbers, a sense of direction, and a whole lot of guts and determination.

The gamble paid off. I asked, and I received.

I got into the apprenticeship program.

Numbers 2

Tagging Season

2010-10-01T00:01:00.004+08:00

Urgh, and I thought tagging was so last year. But no, I got tagged in Facebook, where else? After giving it thought, I decided to share here what I listed down. Anyhoo, here's part of the mechanics of the tag:

Don't take too long to think about it. Thirty books (providing you've read 30 or more than 30 books) you've read that will always stick with you. List the first 30 you can recall in no more than thirty minutes.

Joy Luck Club by Amy Tan

It by Stephen King

The House of Spirits by Isabel Allende

Noli Me Tangere by Jose Rizal trans. by Leon Ma. Guerreo

Dragonlance Chronicles 1-3 by Margaret Weiss and Tracy Hickman

Jonathan Livingstone Seagull by Richard Bach

Prayer of the Frog Vol. 1 by Anthony de Mello

Witching Hour by Anne Rice

Veronica Decides to Die by Pablo Coelho

Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Pet Sematary by Stephen King

Macbeth by William Shakespeare

Dragonlance The Second Generation 1-2 by Margaret Weiss and Tracy Hickman

Illusions: Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah by Richard Bach

Holy Blood, Holy Grail by Micheal Baignet, Richard Leigh, and Harry Lincoln

By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept by Pablo Coelho

Death Gate Cycle 1-7 by Margaret Weiss and Tracy Hickman

Queen of the Damned by Anne Rice

Love in Time of Cholera Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Messianic Legacy by Micheal Baignet, Richard Leigh, and Harry Lincoln

Like Water for Chocolate by Laura Esquivel

Hmmm, heavy in fantasy and South American fiction, plus a sprinkling of horror, (quasi) Christian historicity, inspirational stuff, and an odd classic or two thrown in. I'd be proud of my reading list. My mom, on the other hand, would shiver at the thought of the pulps I consume.

Mom: And you're reading your dragons again! (Inspecting the Stephen King) You read too much horror and comic books. Why don't you try going over more classics or even Proust.

*insert rolls eyes here*

Oh Mom dearest, if it were up to me, I'd really rather read Chika-Chika and Valentino! lolz

-----

What's YOUR reading list?

C10H26N4

2010-09-27T04:05:00.009+08:00

Tumingin si Eternal Wanderer sa salamin. Napansin nya na medyo dull-looking na ang skin nya. Nasobrahan yata sya sa aircon sa opisina. At the same time, wala naman syang pasensha maglalalagay ng kung anech-anech sa kanyang fez. Siguro time na ngang mag-visit sa derma at magpa kung anik-anik na treatment. Pero dahil may pagka-nerdoks si Eternal Wanderer, e nag-research sya ng kung aney ang pwede nyang ipa-chorvah bago pumunta kay Dra. Vicky Belo.

Maganda ba ang Glycolic massage? What about Fruit peel? E kung magpa-Diamond peel naman kaya sya?

Google, Google, Google

...C10H26N4 treatment...

How very chem topic naman itech! Ano naman kaya itey?

More Google, Google, Google.

C10H26N4 = Spermine = Mula sa binhi ng minchikelz. Ipinapahid sa fezlak para ito ay maging malambot at makinis.

AY DIOS SANTISSIMA EN LOS CIELOS!

QUE BARBARIDAD!

~~Aha, kaya pala ang smooth at youthful looking ni Caridad!~~

Pero sa halagang $250, nakakalukaret naman yata ang presho. Pobrecitong Eternal Wanderer. Mamumulubi siya ng husto. Sa kanyang sahod ngayon, e aabutin sya ng kinseng taon para makaipon ng ganyang halaga!

At a loss si Eternal Wanderer. Hindi nya alam kung paano nya makakamit ang kanyang mithiin na magkaroon ng glowing skin. Kaya ito na lang ang naiisip nyang gawin:

"Nananawagan po si Eternal Wanderer kay , Rudeboy, Iurico, Soltero, Advent, Jayvee, Coño, Guyrony, Mugen, at sa lahat ng iba pang mababait na bloggers and readers nya na magdonate nito:

Sobang ikagagalak ni Eternal Wanderer ang inyong generosity towards his search for the ultimate facial!"
-----
Na-miss kong magsulat. Ang dami kong drafts sa dashboard, at mas marami pang posts sa utak ko, kaso pagod na pagod ako pag-umuuwi from the office :(

Laterz!

2010-09-02T07:27:00.002+08:00

Nauubusan na ng maisusulat at maikukwento si Eternal Wanderer.

Magbe-break muna sya mula sa blogging para makapag-ipon ng mga ~~lalaki~~ istorya.

Sana pagbalik nya, e may jowa na sya.

Echozzzz lang! :P

Eternal Wanderer <<< Bekimon?!

2010-08-26T00:01:00.045+08:00

Habang nakasakay ako papauwi sa taxi, e naka tune-in yung radyo sa isang AM station. Usually deadma lang ako sa ganun, pero hindi ko matiis makinig kasi yung topic ay tungkol sa jejemon. In-explain ng announcer ang ano ang ibig sabihin ng jejemeon, at may short clip pa ng mga taong nagsasaita in jejemon-speak. "Jusme, that topic was so a few months ago," sabi ko sa sarili ko.

Pero nung nag-segue yung topic sa paanalitang bekimon, lalo akong na-curious. Hmmm, maiintindihan ko ba ang sasabihin sa clip?

"Machorvahluh na good morning beki sa mga na watashi jumijinig sa showelya na itechi! Sa mga ikliping byutelya dyaan, e gumising na, Maruja! Basta, wit kayo mag-forgetsung na may I watching kayo ng kervloo na showechi sa t.v.mamayang gabi, dahil ang topic na may I spluk ay tungkol sa mga bekimon badettes!"

*blink blink*

Oh crap.

Naintindihan ko.

*insert stunned silence here*

Does that make me a ganap na bekimon, too???

----
Hayuf kayo, EB at Man4Guys. Wala ng kayong ginawa buong gabi kundi i-bully ako't tawaging bekimon. Bakit, si Cubao Boy e bekbek din naman a! Buset. Pero na miss ko kayo, pwamis. Kahit busy-busyhan tayo lately the past few months, e happy ako na kapag nagkita-kita tayo, e parang kahapon lang last na nagtipon-tipon :)

Ukay-Ukay

2010-08-26T00:01:00.016+08:00

Hindi ako mahilig sa leftovers. Ayoko ng napaglawayan na.

- quote from a friend

Office Vignettes 2

2010-08-23T00:01:00.053+08:00

Office Vignettes 1

The call was ~~mercifully~~ short and sweet. It was a matter of re-directing towards the e-mail support page of a department in our company. Before the call, I was experiencing something akin to stage fright; I was a tight bundle of nerves right before the call. But the moment I opened my mouth, I fell into a light and confident banter with the caller. The flow of words had an easy feel to my tongue. Everything dissolved into a blurred background. There was no coach, no department head, no on-going activity in my surroundings. It was just me, and the caller, and his issue on hand.

Natural and easy does it, so to speak.

When the call ended, the coach gave me his input. So did Department Head. It turned out, the coach being graded as well: what feedback was being given to me, and the manner with how it was being delivered. After the session, both the coach and Department Head gave me the thumbs up.

I smiled, and said thanks for the pointers.

I also smiled because I knew I was in the right direction.

-----

"Thank you very much! You've taught me how to fish, instead of relying on others." - Customer

"You don't sound like a newbie to the industry." - Various coaches

"You're the last person I'd expect to receive a dissatisfied customer feedback." - Immediate Boss

"For somebody starting out, you're doing very well." - Department Head

-----

This is my first desk job, and I intend to do great at it. Even if my grizzled office mates have taught me various tricks on how to skirt and drop calls, I still have not employed them. It's not that I'm playing the goody-goody guy here - I just want to test the protocols and procedures already set. These have been in place way before I came in. They wouldn't be there if they were not found to be effective in the first place.

So far, they haven't failed me. It's a two-thronged approach: by simply following the rules, I'm still churning out good numbers; at the same time, I'm able to keep the majority of my callers happy with the service I deliver.

Not to mention I keep my integrity intact. And I come out sweet-smelling with the powers that be.

-----

"And most of all, remember to use your resources of articles available. Everything's there. It'll be your best friend," Boss Lady reminded us on our last day of training.

Others would call what I'm doing as ~~sucking up~~ something calculated.

I would call it using your resources.

Office Vignettes 1

2010-08-19T03:17:00.007+08:00

From an internal office memo dated August 16, 2010:

Please note that if you are filing a leave or swapping your shifts, submit the request three weeks before the schedules are released.

Immediate Boss

I met up with the band of brothers sans Cubao Boy last week. We decided to have a few drinks at my place, even if meant I had to call in to Immediate Boss for a sudden half-day. It was definitely worth it, since I haven't seen the guys in a long time.

We ended up deciding to explore Man4Boys' childhood haunts over the next weekend. There was little hitch though: I had work on that day. That meant I'd either be absent, or find someone I could swap shifts with. Fortunately, an office mate of mine graciously agreed to the exchange. I told Immediate Boss about the arrangement, and he said he'd inform the HR about it.

A few days later, I followed up my request with Immediate Boss. Since he was just beside me, I noticed at once that his brows were gathering in a knot.

Uh-oh.

"They said yes to the swap. Next time, tell me way in advance. I had to exchange a lot of e-mails to get approval," he said curtly.

Oooops.

I ended up giving two mini-packs of Ferrero Rocher as a thank-you token; one to him, and another to my office mate.

-----

In my idle moments, I take time to talk to the powers that be on the floor. I usually ask about what they job entails them to do and why they chose to be in that particular department. These conversations turn out be be very interesting. I get to learn more about the ins-and-outs of the whole business. It gives me a clearer perspective on what path to take in terms of career-direction in the company. It also makes me visible to the higher-ups, too.

It isn't because I need to be all the more visible. This early, I'm already infamous as they guy who lugs around a whole 1.5 bottle of Coke Zero on the floor. Whenever I have lunch in the pantry with some of my floor mates I still haven't interacted with, I inevitably get asked the question, "Can you finish up the whole bottle?!"

Of course I can, you silly boys and girls. Not to mention it gives me some sort of trademark within the office. Very nifty branding, isn't it?

But I digress.

Being on the radar has its own disadvantages, too. Remember Department Head I was introduced to by Big Boss? He's a very ~~gay~~ animated and accommodating guy to converse with. I never fail to say hi to him whenever I see him on the floor or the smoking area.

However, soon after I hit the floor, he told me across the aisle, "I'm gonna listen to your next call!"

It's usually the coaches who just do that; Now, I'd end up being monitored by the coach AND him at the same time. On my third day!

"Make sure it's a quick call a," he said jestingly.

I almost peed in my pants when the screen flashed with an incoming call.

Office Vignettes 2

Nagmúmura

2010-08-17T02:35:00.001+08:00

Tang ina ka. Wag mo nga guluhin buhay ko.

Hindi tuloy ako makatulog. Kakaisip sa 'yo.

hihihihihihi

The Existentialism of Superman

2010-08-13T00:38:00.011+08:00

Felicity Rose

After I buried my mom, I had stood there after everybody had left, and I thought...is this it? I mean, is this all that there is? Working in a cubicle six days a week until I'm too old to do it anymore, then I die? Is that it? Is that what we're here for? What's the point?

When we all graduated from high schol, I thought -- we all thought -- we're gonna go off and do great things. If somebody said, "Hey, you're gonna pump gas the rest of your life," or "Better get used to cleaning up after other people because that's gonna be your whole life," we'd've laughed at them."

It's not fair! None of it's fair! And don't you dare tell me it is!

Superman

I won't because you're right. It's not fair. John Lennon is dead and Moammar Kadaffi is still alive. J.F.K. is dead and Castro is alive. Gandhi is dead but Manson keeps hanging in there. It's not fair. But it's not unfair either. It's just...is.

Felicity Rose

That's it. That's the best you can do. "It's neither fair nor unfair, it just is."

Superman

Because that's the truth.

You're right when you say we all come out of high school thinking we're going to save the world. And sometimes we do. And sometimes-- -- sometimes we don't. So you don't think about saving the world. You think about saving just one person. Because sometimes, that's enough.

All I know is that we have to try. That's what life is. We push back against the darkness, just a little.

J. Micheal Straczynski

Action Comics # 701

-----

Superman literally walks across America on a journey to reconnect with ordinary people. In Philadelphia, he encounters Felicity, a young woman who's contemplating suicide. Superman listens to her angst, even as she extracts a promise from him not to interfere with her ultimate decision.

I teared up while reading the dialogue. Whoever said that comics can never be personally relevant is bullshit ;)

Nang Kumerembang si Eternal Wanderer sa Opisina 2

2010-08-09T00:01:00.012+08:00

Nang Kumerembang si Eternal Wanderer sa Opisina 1

Salamat sa mga mata ni Anghelita, na-fluster tuloy ng husto si Eternal Wanderer sa kanyang nakita. Kung di lang sya nagmamadaling bumalik sa kanyang work station, e baka napaluhod sya ng di oras ng walang belo. E paano ba naman, byaheng Dakota-Harrison abot hanggang Lerma ang katabi nya. At take note, pinkish-pinkish pa itish!

Sawaaaaaap!!! ahihihihihi

Pero since dalisay, busilak, and mayumi si Eternal Wanderer, he opted na lang na bumalik sa station nya. Katabi kasi ng station nya yung station ng Immediate Boss nya. Baka mapansin kung may katagalang mawawala si Eternal Wanderer.

Pagka-upo ng pagka-upo nya, nakita nya si Immediate Boss na nakatingin sa kanya. Nagtaka si Eternal Wanderer. Nag-alala. Biglang nyang kinapkap ang left corner ng mouth nya. Kahit alam yang walang milagro sa Agoo na nangyari, nanigurado sya. Dahil sa mga mata ni Angelita, e baka naman may natirang laway sanhi ng pagdo-drool.

"Eternal Wanderer, are you ok? It's quite cold, but you're perspiring."

(Ay ganun ba? Hellow naman boss, alam kong straight ka. Pero tignan lang natin kung di ka rin pagpawisan kung makakita ka ng ganung ka-yummy na nota!)

"No, I'm fine. I just washed my face in the comfort room. I must have forgotten to wipe it off."

(Ang sabihin mo, you wish na na-facial ka. E di sana, iba ang wina-wipe mo mula sa bibig at mukha.)

Echuzerang palaka ka, talaga Eternal Wanderer!

Nang Kumerembang si Eternal Wanderer sa Opisina 3

Nang Kumerembang si Eternal Wanderer sa Opisina 1

2010-08-05T00:01:00.009+08:00

Alam naman ng lahat na si Eternal Wanderer ay dalisay, busilak, and mayumi. Kung maari, e ayaw nyang makaulayaw ang mga katrabaho nya. Mahirap na. Alam nyo naman, baka maging sticky ang situation - no pun intetnded. Nakakalurkey lang kasi kapag it's complicated ang status tapos araw-araw nakikita , dabah?

Pero that doesn't stop Eternal Wanderer na tumingin-tingin around. Buti na lang, tyempo na meron na syang office building na pinapasukan. Good call pala ang naiisipan nyang mag-corporate life. Dahil dito, nadiskubre nya na may benefits pala ang nagtratrabaho sa isang opisina.

Numero uno na ang nakaka-sight ng mga hottie boys! :P

Project # 1: Ang Lalaki sa CR

Hindi umiinom ng kape si Eternal Wanderer. Pero since kelangan nya ng some sort of caffeine ingestion for work, e isang malaking bote ng Coke Zero ang bitbit-bitbit nya palagi sa opisina. At dahil botelya nga ang kanyang iniinom, napapaihi sya ng husto. Kada oras e napapatakbo sya sa c.r. Pati yung guard natatawa kasi labas-masok daw si Eternal Wanderer sa banyo palagi.

Isang beses, go-sung ang vehki sa banyo for the nth time. Walang tao dito pwera sa kanya. So ayun, umihi sya sa gitnang urinal. Pero in the middle ng kanyang pagwi-weewee, e may narinig sya na pumasok sa pintuan. Keribelz lang, may mga bakanteng urinals naman - kaya tuloy lang sa pag-ihi ang bakla.

But no, laking gulat nya ng tumabi yung mhin sa kanya. "Leche naman," naiisip in Eternal Wanderer. "Ang luwag-luwag ng espasyo, sa akin pa tumabi!" Well, sabagay, walang namang personalan. Ihian lang kun baga.

Enter the eksena: ang mga mata ni Anghelita.

Sa totoo lang, ang mga mata ni Anghelita ay mahiwaga. Lahat ay natatanaw. Ngunit ito rin ay may pagkamaldita. Mahilig tumingin sa kung ano-ano, kahit hindi naman dapat tignan. Nalulurkey na nga si Eternal Wanderer sa mga ito. Kasi whatever he does, e pasaway talaga ang mga mata. May sarili pag-iisip kung baga. Kaya bago man ma-control ni Eternal Wanderer ang mga mata ni Anghelita e napa-sideward glance ang mga ito sa urinal kung saan jumijingle ang katabi nya.

Sa oras na iyon, muntikan ng mawala sa ulirat si Eternal Wanderer at tumili ng:

ISA AKONG MARENG WINNIE MONSOD SA AKING NAKIKITA!

Nang Kumerembang si Eternal Wanderer sa Opisina 2

Weekend Aneurysm

2010-07-30T00:01:00.005+08:00

I am condemned to freedom. I am not free because I can make choices, but because I must make them, all the time, even when I think I have no choice to make.

Jean-Paul Sartre
L'être et le néant (Being and Nothingness)

The Bird (A Re-post)

2010-07-28T07:41:00.003+08:00

At the break of dawn, I arise from my slumber to face another day in my life.

As I go out to the fields, ready to toil under the soon-blistering heat, I spy a lone maya flitting through the rice stalks. Curiously, it does not flee as I approach.

"Well, hello, pretty bird. What a friendly fellow you are!" I say to it.

It cocks its head, and merrily chirps a response. Even if we speak a different language, it seems that we understand each other quite well.

It keeps me company the whole morning, sometimes flitting around the paddies, twice or thrice even perching on my shoulder. Under the shade of the lone mango tree in the field, I feed it bits of my simple lunch from my hand. It pecks away contentedly.

I am happy. I even fancy keeping the bird for my own. After all, it is a good respite from the solitariness of my drudgery in the field.

But I forget, it is still a bird. It is, by nature, a creature of fleetness and rebelliousness. I would have to keep it in a cage if I wanted it for my own. I could hold on to it tightly, perhaps even clip its wings for it to stay. Yet I chose not to, for it would not feel right to do so.

And as certain things are inevitable, the moment comes when the bird decides to go on its own volition. In the late afternoon sun, I look at it as it flees away, slowly tracing its path of flight as it melts into the horizon of the landscape.

It is now truly gone, and I am sad. It would have been nice to keep me company for a longer time, but that is how things turned out to be. The bird was never mine to start with.

The sun is setting and the day is almost over. As I rest under the fast-growing shadows of the lone mango tree, I reflect:

It matters not whether you have experienced joy or sorrow in the company of something even as simple as a bird.

In that one day of your life, what matters is that you have felt.

Questions #1

2010-07-26T00:01:00.004+08:00

Bakit ganun?

Kung gusto mo yung tao, pag nag-text o tumawag sya, e saksakan ng kilig ang abot mo.

Pero kung ayaw mo naman sa kanya, e kulang na lang ihagis ang telepono para maiwasan ang text o tawag nya.

-----

Salamat sa post ni Soltero

100

2010-07-23T19:16:00.000+08:00

Ngayon ko lang napansin na naka-100 followers na pala ako. Sa totoo lang, nung una akong nag-sulat sa blog, hindi ko naisip na meron palang susubaybay dito. Di ko nga akalain na merong magtyatyagang magbasa ng mga pinagsususulat ko. Sabagay, pati rin ako siguro, di ko rin babasahin an mga sinulat ko noon. Puro emo mode kasi e. Para bang di ako magsususlat kung hindi ako emo. Pero nakakapagod din pala ang maging gloomy and whine-y all the time hehehehe

Buti na lang, natutuo na akong magsulat ng mga masisiyahing bagay. Natuto na rin akong mag-sulat sa Pilipino. Believe it or not, before this blog, e hirap na hirap akong mag-sulat sa sariling wika natin. Ang final product e palaging tunog stilted and very academic. Reverse nosebleed kung baga. At least ngayon, medyo relaxed na ako magsulat sa ating wika. Next level: try to improve sa pagbabasa naman in Pilipino :P

Weh, ang dami kong pasakalye! Ang gusto ko lang naman talagang sabihin e maraming salamat. Sa lahat ng mga nagbabasa, nagfofollow, nag-iwan ng comments, at mga naging kaibigan ko (mapa-cyber, phone/text, at real life) dito sa blogosphere, e thank you talaga mula sa kaibuturan ng aking tumbong! :D

Marooned on the Isle of Lesbos

2010-07-21T00:01:00.003+08:00

The yosi group and I found ourselves in a whole-in-the-wall inuman place. It was small and bordered on being dingy; the music was so pumped up I that could barely hear the small talk of my seatmate. I ended up wondering: what in the world am I doing here? Fact of the matter is, I don't drink. I also abhor extremely noisy places. But against my judgment, I still stuck out with the company. It wouldn't hurt to get to know the people that I'm working with.

As I let my attention wander about, I overheard pretty Boss Lady recounting the state of her love life. I couldn't quite make out the whole conversation because of the ambient noise. All I could pick out were "boyfriend" and "girl." I assumed it was another typical third-party sob story.

Then there was a sudden lull in the music, and I realized I assumed wrong.

"So ayun, nung hindi kami nung boyfriend ko, magkasama kami nung girl," she candidly admitted.

I stared at her with a surprised look, and proceeded to fall off my chair.

-----

Blame it on my all-boys school upbringing, but I usually prefer the company of men than that to women. No, silly, it's not because I ~~wantonly crave~~ like to have sex with guys. It's just that I find it easier to relate with them. Come to think of it, I can only count a very few girl-friends that I'm close with. My guy friends probably outnumber them by a factor of four or more.

As with women from the island of Lesbos, I have even fewer friends. I know in theory that they come in all sorts, from the extremely butch (I was recently introduced to an office mate, and I have a crush on her kasi she's so gwapo!), to the girly-girly type. In theory, I should also be able to connect with them easily. Unfortunately, it all remains theoretical. They're exotic creatures for me in real life. It's like, how am going to break ice with them? Do we talk about how a certain girl is pretty? I guess we could, but only because I can appreciate a pretty girl from an aesthetic point of view. Do we talk about cars? No, wait, that's too butchy. Even I can't relate with that. Do we talk how the subtle and not-so subtle stereotyping of the Filipino society towards people of a certain preference? Oooops, wait, I'm also being a stereotyping jerk with my own behavior here.

Bad, bad, Ternie.

I have to whack myself in the head to remember that we're all the same joes, no matter what our preferences are.

Either that, or I really need to get out of my lungga and meet more people of ALL kinds ;)

-----

Side-ending to the story: after Boss Lady finished making kwento, she suddenly says across the table, "O, tapos na ang story ko! Ikaw, Ternie, do you want to share anything?"

I smiled sheepishly at her, and just shrugged my shoulders.

No, thanks, but my corporate closet is still quite roomy and comfy :P

Channeling Maricel Soriano

2010-07-14T00:01:00.002+08:00

Ayoko ng madumi.

Ayoko ng masikip.

Ayoko ng mabaho.

AYOKO NG MAG-COMMUTE SA MRT!!!

*taena, define siksikan dahil sa ulan grrrrrrr*

To Meet or Not to Meet?

2010-07-12T00:01:00.057+08:00

Sa mga matagal nang nagbabasa ng blog ko, alam nyo naman na si Spice ang paborito kong ex. Ewan ko talaga kung bakit. Siguro kasi masiyahin syang tao. Madali lang patawanin. Kaya nung tumawag sya isang hapon, ~~kinilig ang tumbong ko~~ e sinagot ko naman ito kahit ikliping beauty ang drama ko.

"Uy, tuloy ang Boracay namin, pero punta ako ng Manila ng mas maaga. Pwede bang tumuloy dyan?"

(Hello. Tinatanong pa ba yon? E shempre ok lang kasi magkatabi kaming matutulog sa kama hihihihihi)

"Shure. What time ka ba darating?"

"Siguro mga 7pm. MRT ako papunta sa inyo. Oks lang ba magpasundo sa 'yo?"

(Jusme naman, e sinundo ko nga sya ng balikan mula sa probinsya for a grand total of twelve hours traveling time. Ano ba naman ang pick-up-in ko sya sa MRT?)

"Sige. Dinner na lang tayo pagkasundo ko sa 'yo."

Mej umuunos ng katakot-takot nung gabing sinundo ko sya. Tapos mej late pa sya. Kinakabahan na ako nun kasi nasa EDSA lang ako nakahinto. Any moment, e baka palayasin ako ng mga parak. Malayo ang iikutan ko pa kung mangyari man yun. Kaya nung pumasok sya sa loob ng kotse, e medyo mainit na ang ulo ko. Pero paano ka ba naman magagalit for long kung biglang magpa-cute ng paborito mong ex at sabihing "Wag ka na magalit, Ternie. Tignan mo o, basang basa na nga ako, tapos siksikan pa sa MRT. Sige na, wag ka na magalit," sabay ngiti with matching dimples.

Bwiset yang ngiting yan na may dimples. It always gets me ;)

So ayun, umuwi muna kami para maka-ligo't bihis sya. Then kumain kami sa Gateway ng Reyes Barbeque. Kumuha ako ng liempo at sya naman manok. Impeyrniz, masarap yung pagkain. Masarap din yung kwentuhan at yosi. At higit sa lahat, masarap as always si Spice.

Teehee

~~Dialogue after tantantinin:~~

"M~~anyak ka talaga, Ternie!"~~

~~"Anong manyak? Pwede ba, Spice, e nakatihaya ka na sa kama with matching flag ceremony. Anong gusto mong gawin ko, mag-rosaryo't way of the cross?!"~~

Ay.

Ayan, muntikan na naman akong mag-overshare :p

Anyhoo, hindi yun ang point ng kwento ko. Ang gusto ko talaga ikwento e ang bumabagabag sa aking damdamin. A few days ago, nakausap ko kasi si Spice sa telepono. Ganito ang naging conversation namin:

"Ternie, punta ako ng Manila."

"Aw. Kailan? Dito ka ba matutulog sa bahay?"

"Hindi."

(Dramatic pause.)

"Sa bahay partner ko."

(Stunned silence on my end sabay patak ng isang luha sa kaliwang pisngi. On cue ito, take note!)

"Uy, nandyan ka pa ba, Ternie?"

"Oo, nandito pa."

(Syempre kailangang kunwari composed ang boses sa telepono kahit na in reality, e gusto ko talaga magngangangawa.)

"Kita tayo a. Gusto ko sya ipakilala sa yo."

(Insert dinudurog na puso sound effects here.)

"Sure, no problem. Sige na, I have to go muna. Labas na lang tayo when you come here."

(Sabay talon mula sa rurok ng bundok ala Zhang Ziyi sa Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.)

Anooooobhhhhe, nakakalurkey! Ang paborito kong ex ay may jowa na. At mukhang seryoso sila sa isa't-isa. Seryoso enough na gusto pa ito ipakilala sa akin! Kakayanin ko ba itoh??? Baka makagawa ako ng bonggang-bongang iskandalosa na ekzena sa magaganap na pagsasagupaan!

Kaya simula nung usap namin na yun, gabi-gabi ay maintim na dalangin ang ginagawa ko:

Juskopolordnamahabaginsalangit, give me a lover, a.s.a.p. please!

Echozzz lang hahahahaha

Eternal Wanderer Experiences Failure

2010-07-07T00:01:00.012+08:00

"This is Ternie," the Big Boss said as he introduced me to the Department Head. "He got the highest score in the first part of the training."

"Oh, so you're Ternie. I've heard a lot about you. Do good ha. I'm expecting a lot from you."

-----

The first part of the training was a breeze. It covered the soft skills training, communication included. Our class was bright and a tad rowdy, so things were never boring. I actually had a lot of fun during this phase. It appealed to the talkative side of me. In fact, during the practical exams, I even ended up chatting with the interviewer. I guess that earned me brownie points because I topped the class - a 4.9 out a possible 5. Not bad for a newbie in a batch full of grizzled veterans.

We moved on to the second phase of our training - the technical aspects of the job. On paper, everything looked easy. This was technical stuff, something that I was very much interested in. I was pretty much confident. All I had to do was just read through the materials, and I was good to go.

I had to learn the hard way that the theoretical is worlds away from the practical.

-----

I was still cool when the phone rang. This was my first mock call from someone who was not directly involved in our class. I couldn't wait to strut my stuff and show off what I've learned. I confidently answered the phone. After all, how could it get screwy, right?

Let me count the ways.

Soon after I got the details of the mock customer's product, the computer I was using went offline. The documents which I was used to accessing suddenly became inaccessible. I was forced to put the customer on hold because I was panicking. Our trainer helped me get online once more, but it was a little too late. Let me say this: I am not one who is easily rattled. But at that time, I was rattled. Badly rattled. I was having a hard time dealing with the feeling because it's something that I wasn't used to.

Worse, the problem of the customer was something I had never encountered before. Come to think of it, of course I wouldn't have encountered it. We were still practically in the introductory phase. By then, I was so jittery that I kept on putting the customer on hold while trying to wrack my brains out on how to tackle that problem; at the same time, I was scrounging for article after article on how to troubleshoot it. And just as I came across a procedure that would probably solve the problem, the phone rang again. I freaked out because it could only mean one thing: the customer had hung up.

-----

"You need to ask more questions that could lead you to the solutions," the mock customer (who turned out to be a coach) tersely told me. "When you say you'll be back in five minutes, be back in five minutes. But most of all, you need to know your stuff really well."

Sampal.

I was fuming mad as I was taking my yosi break. I took what the coach said rather personally. I couldn't shake off the feeling that he was questioning my capabilities as a human being. On the basis of one call, he was being high and mighty. Talk about being judgemental. How dare he!

But I immediately realized how silly my rants were. Of course I sounded inept to him. All I did was be very tentative and put him on long holds every two minutes. He was just telling me what had happened, along with additional notes on how to do it better the next time. Once I actually hit the production floor, a real customer won't be that generous nor forgiving. A real customer won't really care if the person answering the call was a veteran or a newbie. All that matters is that problem is addressed as fast and as efficient as possible.

I should know. I'm that type of customer.

-----

It's a humbling experience to realize that I still have a long way to go in fulfilling what is expected of me. But I'd rather look at it this way: a setback is never a failure. It's simply an opportunity to learn.

One Hundred Fifty Pesos

2010-07-02T00:01:00.102+08:00

It was past noon. I was tired and light-headed from pulling an all-nighter. If I had my way, I'd rather be in bed, sleeping away. But I had no other time to do it. I had three days to compile my documents out of thin air. Time was running against me as there was a holiday looming. It was now or never.

I chose now.

After bringing my sister to school, I went home again to have breakfast and gulp down three mugs of coffee. I drove, overdosed on caffeine, to the SSS to get my number. Much to my surprise, it was a no-sweat affair - literally. Even though there were already a lot of people, the huge hall was air-conditioned, and there were still seats left as I waited my turn. In less than thirty minutes, I was good to go. Very efficient - I was impressed. I now had my SSS number on hand.

The NBI clearance was another story altogether. No, it wasn't a story, come to think of it. It was a page out of a nightmare.

I should've read the writing on the wall. It was only around 9 in the morning, but to say EDSA revolution was severely understating it. Fixers were also milling about, promising that the clearance would be out within 30 minutes. At that point, I could still afford to take the high and mighty route. Why would I deprive myself the chance to experience what workers undergo everyday? It would do my person good to bear these things. Besides, if I went with the fixers, I'd be feeding the greed of the corrupt bureaucracy. Why would I even want to do that?

Looking back, I think it was the coffee talking. What was I thinking? Silly me.

After three hours spent in four long lines, I was starting to seriously doubt the masa empathy I was trying to pull off. I almost threw in the towel by 12 noon. I was exhausted, hungry, and in a foul mood. Worse, it had started to downpour, forcing the huge crowd to huddle under the galvanized sheets that passed as roofing. And there I was, in the middle of the herd, where everyone was sweaty and smelly from the humidity of the rain.

I felt like throwing a screaming fit that very moment.

The only bright side was that there was no hit on my name, and that I could get my clearance on the same day. Wow, what a big consolation. There were only about 250 people ahead of me, waiting for their clearance to be released, too.

Then, a fixer approached me. He probably saw the frustration gathering at my bunched brows.

"Boss, tulungan kita," he whispered. "P150 lang, labas na kaagad ang clearance mo."

I looked at my wallet. I had P150. A small amount to pay to hasten that important piece of paper.

I couldn't think straight. My head was reeling. I was desperate. Fuck the learning process. I really wanted to go home.

I handed him the P150.

True to his word, he delivered. The clearance was now in my hands. What wasn't were my values.

All for the paltry price of P150.

I didn't know if I was going to be relieved, or be ashamed of myself.

-----

Blessed are those who have P150 for they shall inherit the kingdom of values forfeit.

Sleepless Dementia a.k.a. When Things Go Wrong, It Really Gets Horrid

2010-06-28T00:01:00.007+08:00

1. It started the night before. There was major confusion regarding the mix-up of the new schedule, and I ended up informing my classmates about the change through text. I should probably add de facto HR to my résumé.

2. Sleep was elusive because I was already used to the night schedule. All of a sudden, the next phase of training was shifted to the morning with barely 16 hrs. in between. The result? I had two measley hours of shut-eyes.

3. I decided to take the cab going to the MRT station. I took the escalator going up, and as I groped for my wallet to buy a stored value card, I realized my wallet wasn't in my back pocket. It probably fell at the back of the cab since I clearly remember pulling out a twenty peso bill for the fare. Not only did I lose cash, but my cards and driver's license was there as well. Smart Ternie, really smart.

4. Maybe it was the combination of sleep deprivation and frazzled nerves - I found the topics for discussion barely comprehensible. It was as if my scrambled brains absolutely refused to absorb all the information being dumped on us. Now, I have to wake up early to restudy my notes. By the way, there were no manuals given out. Bummer.

Bad, bad day.

At the End of the Week

2010-06-25T18:12:00.000+08:00

Enjoying the rowdy class - check
Learning new stuff - check
Great teacher - check
Making new friends - check
Hottie batchmate - PASOK SA BANGA NI MELISSA PEREZ-RUBIO!

I am so loving thing corporate thing! teehee

Spoken Like a True Kabit

2010-06-21T00:01:00.002+08:00

"Lilisan ako oras na maging hadlang ako sa inyo."

Swallowing # 2

2010-06-18T00:01:00.025+08:00

How bitter is your love.

Crap. Overshare na naman ako ahahahaha

Farewell to Never Never Land

2010-06-16T00:01:00.218+08:00

"We can only offer," she paused for a moment, "this certain amount. Tell me then, why would you accept it?"

The girl in front of me was pretty and charming. And she was made of steel, too. Being of the petite and fragile looks, I thought she would be a pushover. I was shooting back questions after questions even as she was interviewing me. But she held her ground against my not-so-subtle probing. I was impressed. I made a mental note not to judge a book by its cover. Looks can really be deceiving.

"You know what, I could clear double or triple the amount you're offering."

"Exactly. That's why I'm curious, if you get the job, why would you accept it?"

"Okay, let me be honest. It's not Christmas the whole year round. Besides, I want some stability. I'm tired of thinking whether I'm going to make my monthly budget or not."

-----

If there's one thing I've always appreciated with this freelance lifestyle, is that I don't have to account for anyone save for myself. All I have to think about are my personal bills, a little savings, and enough money for some rest and recreation. That's about it. At this point, I don't hanker for the unnecessary luxuries anymore. I already put those high and frenetic times behind me. I only have a few inexpensive vices, amongst which are cigarettes and time spent in the company of good friends.

I'm an easy-to-please person - that's why I could afford lead a relaxed and simple life.

That all changed last year when I got a letter from my mom. She said that she'd be retiring by the last quarter. She also said that she was soon going back to the Philippines along with her daughter.

I put down the letter and stared blankly into nothingness. An overwhelming feeling started to engulf me. I knew it was wrong to feel that way, but I couldn't help it. A good and dutiful son shouldn't even feel that way at all.

I felt resentful.

There, I've said it.

I felt resentful because change was in the air. The status quo that was my security blanket was going to be rumpled. A shake-up was about to arrive; a very major shake-up with the way I led my life. It wasn't only me that I would have to take care of. I now had to consider my mom and my sister. It was their welfare that was going to be at stake, and not just mine.

In other words, I now had other responsibilities.

And the prospect scared the shit out of me.

-----

After months of indecisiveness, I finally mustered enough brash to apply at a big company. I even had the chutzpah to give my résumé in person. Surprisingly, the whole process wasn't so bad. I had to face three rounds of interviews, a written exam, and a pseudo-oral exam over a span of two days. Despite being a first-time applicant in a corporate set-up, I didn't feel nervous. Not even one tiny bit. Call me weird, but I honestly enjoyed conversing with the interviewers and taking the exams.

Then it struck me: if applying for a job in the corporate world wasn't this daunting, then perhaps my fears were unfounded to start with. I mean, how bad can taking care of your mother and sister turn out to be? After all these years of sacrifices, it's now my turn. Not everyone has the privilege of looking after their mom and sis. I should count myself lucky that I still have them.

-----

I was leafing through the magazine in the company lounge when the receptionist called out my name.

"Here's the list of paper works that needs to be submitted," she said as she handed me several stapled sheets of paper. "When you give those in, you'll be handed over your contract."

I smiled at her, winked, and said thanks.

I felt good - and the smile remained with me, even as I left the premises.

-----

In that faraway place of Never Never Land, there lived an eternal boy named Peter Pan. He loved to explore; and in his wanderings, he encountered both wonderful and not-so-wonderful adventures. But as much as he wanted to, he discovered he couldn't remain a boy forever. Eventually, he had to grow up. And in doing so, he got to discover a new and different world begging to be explored.

Buh-bye Never Never Land. It was great while it lasted, but I'm really looking forward to more adventures!

Advice Needed

2010-06-14T00:01:00.006+08:00

A and B are lovers.
A and B are together frequently.
A soon discovers that B has traits he can't tolerate.
B starts to complain that A is bossy and takes B for granted.
A and B begin to have petty fights often.
A has some time off, and realizes he misses his "me" time.
More importantly, A realizes he wants out.
A cannot see the relationship with B work out anymore.
A is awkward with initiating break-ups, and does not know how to go about it.

Please help A.
How should he do it?

Follow up:
B spends the night at A's place.
A breaks it to B gently while cuddling him in his arms.
B takes it nicely without any hysterics.
B asks to be brought home.
When B gets out of A's car, A pauses at the steering wheel and then cries.
A relays his thanks to the readers of Eternal Wanderer's blog for their input.

Sikretong Malupit ni Eternal Wanderer, Huling Yugto

2010-06-11T00:13:00.003+08:00

Sikretong Malupit ni Eternal Wanderer, Ikatlong Yugto

So gorabelz ako sa binabalak ko. Binalibag ko si girl patihaya para magmistula syang isang daing na palaka. Mula sa pakikipaglaplapan, e dahan-dahan ko binaba ang aking bibig at dila sa kayang leeg. Sa kanang boobs. Sa kaliwang utong. Nagtagal ako doon. Sa kanyang pagtu-twist e para syang palaka na nakatiwangwang at kinukuryete . Bumaba ako sa pusod. Inikot-ikot ko ang dila sa loob. Kulang na lang e kumokak si girl sa sarap.

(Malapit na malapit na ang bibig at dila ko sa kipay nya. Mariah Scarey! Kaya ko ba itoh?)

Eto na.

Lalo kong pinagdahan ang pagdila ko pababa.

Eto na.

Tuluyan nang lumiyad at napa-kokak si girl.

Eto na.

Eto na talaga.

Eto na't muntikan ako mapatili ng:

YAYAAAAAAAAAAA BRING OUT NAMAN THE GREEN MANGGA, ONIONS, AND KAMATIIIIIS!!! I'M GONNA MAKE NATIVE SALAD KASI THERE'S BAGOONG BALAYAN HEEEEEEEERE!!!

'Day, muntikan na akong maduwal, pramis. Hindi dahil nagdadalang tao ako, kundi dahil Smelanie Marquez ang kanyang Vagina Monolgues. Juskopolord, daig pa ng kipengpang nya ang amoy ng burong palaka sa tapayan. Hello, talk about masangsang na matriz. To say na totally nawala ako ng gana was an understatement. Traumatized was more like it.

I swear, wiz na talaga ako lumafang ng kips evuhr! For that matter, never na ulit ako nakipag-chukchakan sa pechay. Balik titi na lang. At least ang nota, pag sinafeguard mo, e amoy sabon na! E ang kipengpang...

Brrrrr@the memory.

hahahahahaha

Sikretong Malupit ni Eternal Wanderer, Ikatlong Yugto

2010-06-09T01:22:00.006+08:00

Sikretong Malupit ni Eternal Wanderer, Ikalawang Yugto

Sa totoo lang, worried na worried ako. Was there something wrong with me? Bakit ganun? Turned on na turned on ako sa bawat halinghing ni girl habang nilalapirot ko ang utong nya. At sa bawat pagkayod ng finger ko sa puday nya, e Moana Lisa ang drama ni bilat. Ewan ko ba, the more na umuungol sya, mas lalo akong nalilibugan.

Oo, teh, nakakalurkey!

Pero mas nakakalurkey si girl. Pasaway na nga, adek pa. Daig pa ang ati-atihan kung humala-bira sa labanan. In fact, pumaibabaw pa sya sa akin at sya naman ang nagpatikim ng kanyang romansa espesyal. Hindi ako makatiis kundi humiyaw na parang hibang.

"Aaaaah, poocha, sige lang gehl, ang galing mo! Fuuuuuck, ang sarap ng ginagawa moooo! Dali, I-finger mo naman tumbong ko! Aaaaay, I mean i-suck mo ako! Craaaap, ayan, shet, powtah ka! I-lick mo pwerta ko! Aaaaay, mali, mali! Suck mo pala cock ko!"

(Sorry naman. Old habits are hard to break lolz)

Grabe, tigas na tigas na burat ko nun. At dahil gusto ko na magpalabas, ifu-fuck ko na sana si ghelay. But wait, may one last thing pa pala ako na nais gawin. Tamang-tama, e shaved ang lowkah. Di na kailangan hawiin ang Bolivia nya para lang masisid ang kanyang perlas.

Yiz, in other words, e balak ko pang kainin ang kepyas ni ghelay.

~~Carpet-munching kung carpet-munching itoh!~~

(Aw. Di nga pala applicable. Sa pagka-atat ko, nakalimutan ko nga pala na bokal ang carpet si pechay! Hihihi)

Sikretong Malupit ni Eternal Wanderer, Huling Yugto

Swallowing

2010-06-07T00:01:00.003+08:00

Tugon sa tanong "Lumulunok ka ba?"

Only when there's love involved.

Or pag nagugulat ako.

Echozzzzzzz

Three Hours and Fifty-Three Minutes

2010-06-03T02:49:00.010+08:00

1:45 p.m. Along the road

It was not quite a fine day to go to Intramuros. There was a sudden summer downpour, and it was payday Friday - a deadly combination. True enough, the traffic was snarled within the side streets of New Manila. Even worse was the stretch between the Legarda flyover and Recto. "I knew it," I muttered under my breath, "I should have braved Quezon Ave. and España instead." But surprisingly, past Recto all the way to Taft, the road was relatively clear. I arrived at Intramuros just in time to deliver the car to Popsy.

Now, of course, that meant I was now without a car. That also meant I had to commute back home.

Not that I was finicky about taking the public transportation, but the thought of being squeezed in the rush hour LRT coaches was not a pleasant proposition. I had to admit that the idea of taking a cab was very tempting. On the other hand, it wasn't everyday that I found myself in that side of Manila. It was the perfect chance to explore the area. If I didn't do it now, the opportunity might never present itself again.

I chose to commute.

So off I went on the great Manila Commuting Adventure.

3:47 p.m. Location shoot in Intramuros

I bade goodbye to Popsy, his staff, and his ex-partner. Glancing at my cell phone, I knew had time to walk from within the perimeter of walls to the City Hall across without having to run. It was my second time to use that particular underpass. This time though, I passed through in broad daylight. It wasn't that bad as I thought would turn out to be. There were vendors selling all kinds of stuff: from bangles, to pots and pans, to native merienda fare. The pitchi-pitchi was enticing me to munch on it, but if I stopped and took time to eat, I might not be able to get on a coach at all.

3:57 p.m. Central Station

I made it in good time. The line for the LRT ticket wasn't as long as I expected. As I stood waiting on the platform, I could see there was a good sized crowd already. "No wonder there weren't any people in the ticket area. They're all here," I grumbled to myself.

The crowd gave a sudden lurch. The train was approaching, and everyone was jostling for first crack at the door - me included. At a little past 4 p.m., the coach was already filled to the brim. Make that crammed to the brim. Sardines in a can have more jostling space compared to this. And contrary to the popular belief, an over-stuffed coach does not NOT present an erotic situation. Attempting to find a bar to hang on to while checking one's own pockets every twenty seconds is not conducive to crotch-groping, ass-rubbing, and other shenanigans. With the pervasive stench of ~~exquisite man-~~sweat filling the air, I focused instead on the juggling act I was pulling off.

4:20 p.m. Doroteo Jose Station

Never had fresh air felt so welcome! A yosi break was also in order since I was still on schedule. I allowed myself a stick as I paced my walk along the connection bridge. Towards my left, I could see there was a Muslim settlement. The area has had better days - small houses were bunched up together in blackish-gray surroundings. It was like any other settlement save for the mosque. A stray thought crossed my mind: was this the place where the the dvds in the City Hall came from?

4:26 p.m. Recto Station

Rush hour was fast approaching. The crowd of commuters was larger here. The queue of the ticket dispenser was noticeably longer, too. I took my place in the line. It was slowly inching its way when it halted all of a sudden. From where I was, I could see the reason why: an old lady was fumbling with the machine up ahead. After a few more minutes, the person behind her got impatient enough to help sort whatever problem there was.

The little scene was all but forgotten when a personnel loudly hollered, "O doon po sa kabila, may mga ready na tickets na para sa Cubao at Santolan!"

I looked in front of me. Six people, now five. Five people before I could get to the machine. Should I stay, or should go to the other line where the ready tickets were? Should I let impatience get the better of me, or should I continue to be, quote-unquote, emotionally intelligent?

*Snort*

As if I even needed to ask. I dashed as fast as I could to the other side of the hall.

Too late, though. A whole herd of commuters also heard the barker. It seemed that everyone heeded the call of instant gratification like I did. The crowd here was even bigger. Worse, I had to start at the very end of a very, very long line.

Crappity, crappity, crap, crap, crap.

They say reward awaits those who are patient. And for being impatient, what I got was more queuing time, and the irresistible urge to kick myself in the butt.

4:45 p.m. Between the Legarda and Pureza Stations

I saw a woman enter the crowded coach at the Legarda station. She was carrying a sleeping baby and balancing a heavy bag at the same time.

I gave up my comfortable seat without a second thought.

Yes, Virginia, chivalry still exists in my book.

5:38 p.m. In front of my desktop

After a short jeepney ride from the LRT station to our main street, plus a little more walking, I was finally home.

It took there hours, fifty-three minutes, and a couple of seconds to travel back and forth. It was worth every moment, though. Because in the process, I got to experience again the small details a grizzled commuter would pass off as ordinary, even mundane.

The question is, would I do it all over again?

Not if I can help it.

*Snicker*

Dog Style

2010-05-31T03:19:00.002+08:00

Presenting my baby:

Musa is attempting to sit on his favorite chair.

Success!

Again, on his favorite chair, this time at two in the morning.

Musa snoozing on the floor of my bedroom.

Peek-a-boo! (sort of)

A Note to My Mom and Myself

2010-05-29T00:01:00.007+08:00

Mom always says that I'm the best birthday gift she's ever received.

Let me amend that, Mom:

You're the only Mom I could ever want for my birthday.

Many happy returns to us on our birthday, Mom.

I love you.

Memento Mori (A Repost)

2010-05-27T00:01:00.002+08:00

I was silently admiring the orchids of your mom while you were off and about rummaging through her things. Some of them were in bloom, painting the simple garden with vivid shades of violet, magenta, and ochre. It's not easy to coax an orchid to bloom, much less have several of them sprout at the same time. I couldn't help but think, "What a beautiful and impressive sight!"

-----

The journey back wasn't easy for you and your kuya, that I'm sure of. You had a lot of things running through your mind, so I just let you talk and listen to whatever ramblings that crossed your thoughts. A faint smile even crossed my lips when you showed me her i.d. It was amusing to be regaled with the vignettes of how you were growing up, and how it was related to your present relationship with your mom. I knew it wasn't an everyday thing that you did this, and I was privileged to see and enter another facet of you which I knew you weren't really keen on showing.

-----

The sun had barely risen in the dawn sky when you came back to the car where I was waiting the whole time. There was not a cloud in sight, a herald of a good day in contrast to the gloomy weather that pervaded the past weeks or so.

"Wala na si Nanay," you said to me quietly as you approached me.

I blinked once, twice. I couldn't comprehend what you said immediately.

"Ano?"

"Wala na si Nanay," you said once again, still softly.

All I could see was the far-away look in your eyes. There was a surge of emotion within me, and I felt I had to hug you right then and there.

We lit a cigarette at the edge of the hospital compound while I silently kept you company.

"Kumusta ka na?," I asked at one point.

"Okay naman. Mabilis, pero ganun talaga."

Then, you paused.

"Wala na akong masungit na ina."

At that point, I didn't know what my appropriate response should be: hit you on the nape, laugh out aloud, or shed a tear.

Instead, I muttered, "Gago ka talaga."

And you replied with a wan smile.

-----

I never had a chance to tell you this when I was there: all I could think about while looking at your mother's orchid garden was you. It may be hard to make an orchid bloom, but the sight of even a single flower is well worth the rocky effort of tending it.

You are your mother's orchid garden.

And she's one proud gardener with how beautiful the orchid garden turned out to be.

The Magic of an Untroubled Heart

2010-05-25T00:01:00.007+08:00

It was half past two in the morning when my phone rang. Since I was already curled up in bed, reading a book, the temptation to ignore it was just a little bit too much. "I wonder who it is," I mused, "It's not everyday that someone calls at this ungodly hour."

The continued ringing broke my train of thoughts. It was insistent, so grudgingly, I rose and went to the table where my phone was. I looked at who was calling - and I couldn't help but grin.

It was him.

It was Spice.

-----

"Ba't gising ka pa?" was his opening salvo. "Nagcha-chat ka na naman ano? Sinong nilalande mo?"

He was in a jolly mood. I could tell.

"I love you, too, Madame Claudia ng buhay ko."

He laughed out aloud.

"Potah! Pinatawa mo na naman ako!"

(His laugh. I've nearly forgotten how hearty it was. It never failed to put a smile on my face whenever I heard it.)

I asked him why he was still up. He said he was still pumped up with coffee. Then, he invited me to celebrate our birthday in Boracay. "Sure," I said, " let's do our honeymoon there na rin."

He let out a loud laugh once more.

As he continued talking, I let my mind wander. Of the men I've been with, what makes Spice special? Is it because of his easy laughter? Is it because I literally went the distance to be with him? Is it because I'm still in constant contact with him? Is it because he broke my heart without a single word?

Ah, Ternie, you think too much. Treat it as part of the magic. But like all magic, once you start to pick it apart, the appeal is reduced. Be more open, be more accepting. If you feel buoyed up when he calls, then allow yourself to do so; happiness does not always demand reason. However, do not be fooled with the illusion of rekindled love. What both of you have right now is far better than what was before. Be gracious. Be appreciative. And above all, be truly joyful.

He suddenly brought me back into the conversation.

"Huy, nandyan ka pa? Kinukulit na ako ng mga kasama ko na umuwi."

"Oo, nandito pa. Sige, sige, ingat ka pauwi. Hey, Spice...," I paused momentarily. "Salamat sa tawag a. I appreciate it. I really do."

"Sus, kaw pa! Night, night. Pahinga ka mabuti. Sweet dreams a, and dream of me," he chuckled as he put the phone down.

-----

I did sleep well.

There were no disquieting thoughts, no floating anxieties. Things have really fallen into place as it should be.

Indeed, the magic of an untroubled heart is wonderful.

Sikretong Malupit ni Eternal Wanderer, Ikalawang Yugto

2010-05-21T00:02:00.007+08:00

Sikretong Malupit ni Eternal Wanderer, Unang Yugto

Matapos siguro ng mga 15 minutes e nagsawa na rin kiskisin ni ghelay ang tumbong nya - kaya binulungan ni Eternal Wanderer ito na "Tara, yokabelz tayo outside." Di rin matiis ni Eternal Wanderer na dilaan ng konti ang tenga ni ghel. Mukhang kinilig naman si girl, kaya sumama sya kay Eternal Wanderer palabas ng club.

But no, elya bella flores pa rin ang Eternal Wanderer. Namiminti-mintig ang tinngel, at ayaw humupa sa pagka-flag ceremony. Kaya imbes na sa labas lang sila ng club, e kinaladkad nya si girl sa kotse na naka-park sa diliman.

Si pechay naman, aba, e walang kiyemerloo. Kiri kung kiri, alembong kung alembong. Pagpasok na pagpasok sa loob ng kotse, e sya pa mismo ang unang lumaplap kay Eternal Wanderer. Hayok ang gagah!

Napamonologue tuloy si Eternal Wanderer ng di oras:

"Aaaaay punyetaaaa, nilalaplap ako ng bilat. Shet, ganitriz pala itech lumiptulelap ng pechay. Hunuvaaaaaaah anech na ang gagawin ko next? Mmmmmm, mmmmm, slurp, slurp. Sayang walang stubble! Teka nga, touchmity ko kaya bubas nya? Ooooooy impeyirnz, malambot ang mga bubelya. Wiz feku! At wag ka, ang utongy lee jones, may pagaka-eraser ng lapis na ang epek. Tayo kung tayo ang labanan! Taena, tigas na tigas na ang tinggel ko sobra! Matigas na rin notrelya sya? Makapkap nga. Teka, asan yung bakat? Aaaaaay, wiz notriz nga pala itriz! Bilat kung bilat itu! Kakalurkeeeeey!!!"

Hindi na nagatubili si Eternal Wanderer. Binulungan nya yung babae, "Girl, fillet mo ba gumorlaks sa mot-mot?"

"Keribelz! Flymity na tayo now as in now!", ang pabulong na sagot ni bilat sabay liptulelap ulit.

Juskopolord, mapapafight nyan sa tivoli grill activity si Eternal Wanderer!

Sikretong Malupit ni Eternal Wanderer, Ikatlong Yugto

Pagtataray #2

2010-05-19T12:15:00.001+08:00

Tugon sa mga mahilig mangorek ng Ingles na wala sa lugar:

So who fuckken died and made you a grammar nazi?

Sikretong Malupit ni Eternal Wanderer, Unang Yugto

2010-05-18T00:01:00.016+08:00

Merong dark na secret si Eternal Wanderer. Matagal na nya ito tinatago sa loob-loob nya. Inisip nya kasi, kung ibaon nya ito sa limot, e makakalimutan nya ang masalimuot na nakaraan. Pero hindi talaga e. Para itong karumaldumal na cancer, dahan-dahang kinukutkot ang buong pagkatao nya. Hindi na nya makayaan ilihim pa ito. Kailangang masabi nya ito sa sangkamunduhan para maibsan ang kanyang pagdadalamhati.

Nakakahiya man aminin, pero oo, once upon a time lumafang si Eternal Wanderer.

Ng tahong aka talaba aka pukengkang.

Brrrrr lolz

E kasi ba naman, nasa isang club party si Eternal Wanderer nun at mej naka-inum a. Engga-engga mode kung baga. May nakilala syang ghelay sa tipunan na yun. Friendly naman at masayang kausap. Pretty-prettyhan at tisayin ang beauty. So gora lang si Eternal Waderer sa pagkachika portion mode.

All of a sudden, may tarush na dance music sinalang yung dj. Di matiis ni Eternal Wanderer na mej kumembot to the beat. Nakita ito ni guhrl. Lumapit sya at bumulong.

"Tara, let's dance," sabay smile na malagkit.

Eeeeeh? Alam ba nyang vehkla ang yinayaya nya kumendeng-kendeng?

Impeyrniz, nakakalurkey sumayaw ang girliloo. At one point nga, gusto sabunutan ng kilay ni Eternal Wanderer si girl kasi kaagaw-agaw eksena ang dance moves. May inaalam pang-payakap at ditry dancing pa. Pero, hala, sige, di pa nakuntento si bilat. Laking gulat na lang ni Eternal Wanderer nung tumalikod ang ghelay at biglang ipagduladulan ang kanyang wetpaks sa may notriz!

Sa totoo lang, muntikan na mapatili si Eternal Wanderer nun. Hindi dahil pwet ng bilat ang mububundol sa crotch nya kundi dahil dahan-dahan nyang nararamdaman tinitigasan na sya.

Ohmaygheeeedz! Eeeeeeeew talaga!!

Sikretong Malupit ni Eternal Wanderer, Ikalawang Yugto

The Joy of Rudeboy

2010-05-16T00:21:00.011+08:00

Ladies and gentlemen, may I kindly present, for your viewing pleasure, Rudeboy's joy and happiness:

Maxwell, isayaw mo yan a WAHAHAHAHAHA!

Y'all have a great Sunday, folks! - Ternie

(p.s. nakikiepal sa blog ng eternal wanderer.. jeux aka Lukayo)

Something to Think About

2010-05-15T03:51:00.000+08:00

"Do you think if you seal it up, that the pain is gonna go away?"

- from the movie Lovely Bones

Tawagin Mo Akong Ligaya: The G4M Adventures 3

2010-05-13T20:02:00.012+08:00

Tawagin Mo Akong Ligaya: The G4M Adventures 2

Mga ilang linggo na rin kami nag-uusap ni Pilosopo mula nung nagpalitan kami ng YM. Ok naman syang kausap: sensible at philosophical. At mas lalong ok ang kanyang braso tuwing nakikita ko ito sa cam. Para bagang uumbagin ka any monument sa laki nito.

Tsalap!

One time around midnight, e biglang lumitaw si Pilosopo sa YM. Nagulat ako kasi usually maaga syang natutulog. So mi-nack ko sya dali-dali.

Pilisopo: Oist, milagro gising ka pa!

Pilosopo: Yeah, kakauwi ko lang. Shit, Ternie. Am drunk. And horny.

(Aaaaay did he just say horny?!)

Ternie: Aw. ganun ba? *insert winking emoticon*

Pilosopo: Uu, sobra!

Biglang nag-flash yung invite to cam na message. E sino ba naman ako para tumanggi doon, dabah?

Pilosopo: Eto nga o, tigas na tigas na.

Tumingin ako sa camera window. Amf, nakatayo ang hitad mula sa upuan. What's more, e nakababa na ang shorts, at hinahaplos-haplos ang tila tubo na nakasaksak sa kanyang brief! Pwamis, may certain nginig factor akong naramdaman sa kaibuturan ng aking tumbong.

Pilosopo: Fuck, I'm so hard na. You want this ba? (sabay kambyo sa loob ng brief, sabay salsal na rin)

Excuse mo noh, di naman ako ganung kagarapal para sabihin kong gustong-gusto ko.

Ternie: Taena, yeah. You want me to work my hot tongue all over your man-cock?

(Aaaaay nyeta! San nanggaling yun?! Bad Ternie, bad Ternie!!!)

Pilosopo: I'm just here in Makati.

Ternie: I'll be there in 10 mins., tops. (nasa Q.C. ako)

Juskopolordnamahabaginsalangit, hala sige, ang bakla kapag sinapian ng espiritu ni Soltero, e mas mabilis pa sa alas kwatro!

Bumoto Ka Ba?

2010-05-10T19:26:00.009+08:00

When I woke up past lunch, I already had several texts waiting to be read in my cell phone. One was from Popsy. It said, "Patay, nag-hang pa ang machine at mas tumagal. You line up thrice. Am still at the 2nd line, waiting to get my number."

As everybody knows, today is election day. I'm not really one to have a tibak inclination, but neither am I apathetic to the political landscape. After all, we've been flooded by the blatant campaigning that's been going around the past few months. From the television to the streets, to the radio and the newpapers, potitical ads have been bombarding us incessantly. Heck, thanks to a tropa of mine, even the ads of Villar are littered all over cyberspace whenever I surf!

Ad rants aside, what really perked my interest in this time around was the use of the automated voting machine. Hello, anong petsa na?! It's about time the election process was brought into the 21st century noh.

So after a ~~very~~ late lunch, I hied off to the polling precinct, excited at the prospect of inserting...my ballot teehee

-----

I arrived at aroud 3:30 p.m. Popsy was right, though. I had no problems at the first line where you search for the cluster thing. The line for reconfirmation didn't present any problem either. But oh boy, the third one was long. I'm all for long ~~and hard~~ stuff, but this was ridiculous. At the rate the line was slugging along, it would take forever and a half before I could even enter the voting room itself. Worse, when I made kapkap my pockets, I discovered that I left my phone at home. Grrrrrr. Good thing I was able to bring along an e-book reader to while away the time. But one cannot live on written words alone, so of course, I had to do what Iurico does best: I did some guy-oggling.

"No."

"I smell."

"Juskopoh, jokla."

"Pwede na. Panawid gutom."

"No."

"Badaf."

"No."

...

Ay, hanuvah! Laos itech!!! What kind of COMELEC is this?! They didn't even bother to post the schedule when the cute 'n yummy guys would be voting!

-----

Once I got in the room, everything was a breeze. I had the list in my head for the major positions. All I needed to do was to shade the oblong beside the name, and I'd be set.

Shade. Shade. Shade. (cute 'tong candidate na 'to) Shade . Shade. Shade. (isa pa 'tong cutie) Shade. Shade, ad infinitum.

Finished with the task, I stood up and went towards the machine. There was this manong guy manning the contraption. Totally dumb-blond and clueless as what to do next, I asked him, "So paano na 'to?" He replied, "Ah, ipasok mo lang dyan," pointing to the slot, "tapos babasahin yan at may message na lalabas kung o.k. na."

I gingerly aligned the ballot on the slot and watched as the machine slowly pulled it inside. I couldn't wait to see if I shaded the stuff properly. When the ballot was fully inside, a message popped out on the screen beside the slot.

It read:

"Keri na, bakla. Charot!"

In fairness, how very echuzerang froglette naman this voting machine is! lolz

----

Today, I practiced my duty as a Filipino citizen to choose who would lead the Philippines for the next six years. It is a right that has been dearly fought and paid for. We should never forget this, and by casting my vote, I give honor to the memory of all the sweat and blood our forefathers shed to build our nation.

Yes, I voted today.

And I am proud of it.

Fairy Tales Suck. Big Time.

2010-05-06T15:01:00.005+08:00

"You know what?" I said to him in between puffs of my cigarette as we were resting on the bed.

"What?" he replied drowsily.

It was the third time we had sex. Tisoy, chunky, and balbon, to boot - the quintessential gallant Prince Charming figure, he was. But it wasn't just the physical aspect. We connected really well on a lot of levels. He was smart and articulate. We could talk about everything and anything under the sun. I enjoyed his company, and I thought he enjoyed mine. In fact, we've already had several dates. What more could I ask for?

I thought this was the right time to open up.

"I think I like you."

"I know."

"Fuck you."

He chuckled as he untangled himself from my arms. He stood up, and stretched leisurely as he reached for his pants. As he was slowly putting it on and buckling his belt, my gaze turned towards the treasure trail coming out of the top of his jeans. It was teasing me to lick it one more time. I couldn't resist the hypnotic call. I knelt on my knees and rose gingerly, letting my tongue trace a path to his once-again erect nipples.

He let out a low moan that almost sounded like a growl.

"Tama na. I'm getting hard again," he said softly.

"And you like it naman," I playfully winked at him.

"Of course. Who wouldn't?"

It was my turn to chuckle.

"So I'll see you on Saturday?"

He paused as he opened the door to leave.

"I'll call or text."

And he never did.

-----

Chuck it, Princess Aurora.

Not everyone gets their fuckin' Prince Philip and lives happily ever after.

Pagtataray # 1

2010-05-04T15:13:00.001+08:00

Ang unggoy, ibalot mo man sa ginto, ay unggoy pa rin.

-----
I'm sorry, but breeding is something you grow up with. No amount of money can buy it. Ever.