With One Glimpse

More Midnight Tales

There are some moments that you totally are prepared for. No surprises, nothing that will catch you off-guard. You are able to fully brace yourself for the event. You are able to properly handle the reactions that may possibly arise from it.

But a few days ago, I had an unexpected moment.

It was dawn time, and having just finished the book I was reading, I decided to go to the chat room. After all, it's been weeks since I last peeked at the Lobby. I wasn't really expecting anyone, prolly just an acquaintance or two. I'd prolly stay around 5 minutes, and that would be pushing it already.

Then I saw the familiar nick and the familiar font.

I did a double take. I even scanned the list of chatters.

It was him. It was definitely him. He even had his cam on.

Thoughts were dashing through my head wildly.

"Should I even say hi? What if he doesn't say hi back? Will he even say hi?! Oh gawd. Why is this happening? What the hell am I doing here?!!"

I clicked on his cam. And then I saw him.

After several months, I saw Spice.

He still looked the same. Charmingly disarming with that bedimpled smile of his.

(Stop fluttering, my heart.)

I typed on my keyboard, "Adek ka, Spice."

(I still remember the scent you left on my pillow. And it is a wonderful memory.)

I saw him grin. A huge grin. And then he shouted my nick in the Lobby.

He had me with his smile. I couldn't resist it. I just had to call him. The phone was ringing, and I saw him pick it up. And there we were, him on cam, I on the phone. We went on for a good 20 minutes or so, all of small talk. We were bantering about everything and nothing. I saw his laughter on cam. It felt nice that after all this time, I still could make him laugh. I told him I missed him, and he told me he missed me, too.

At that point, I had some realizations.

That everything is well, and everything is good.

That things have a funny way of falling into its proper place.

And that sometimes, the unexpected isn't that unpleasant, after all.

Five Minutes

Nang Lusubin ng Apat na Vahklitah ang Maynila 3

Ang huling pinuntahan ng 3 vahklita + 1 vhoy + 1 coñitang vehky ay ang simbahan ng Binondo. Sa kasawiang palad, sarado na ito. Sayang kasi maganda pa naman ang loob nito. At dahil wala na silang maiasipang gawin ay nagpicture, at nag picture, at nag picture na lang sila sa labas ng simbahan. Lahat pinatos. Jusme, si Totoy Mola, walang awa. Pati yung kabayo't karitela, pinatos. Di naman sya adek-adekan sa kodakan ano?

Fine. Aaminin ko na. May K sya magpapicture. Kasi gwapo naman sya. Kahit na sya ay isang tuod.

Wahahahahaha

So ayun, naging masaya si Eternal Wanderer last weekend. Nakasama nya't nakagimik sina Cubao Boy, Man4Boys, Totoy Mola, at Miley Cyrus. Ang mga ganitong moments ay hindi nya ipagpapalit kailanman. Hindi dahil masaya't makukulit silang kasama, kundi ito ang mga panahon na makapag-bond sa mga kaibigan na tunay.

At ang mga kaibigan na ganito ay masasabi ni Eternal Wanderer na mga kaibigan na worth keeping for the rest of his life.

Let's drink to that!


Related links:
Nang Lusubin ng Apat na Vahklitah ang Maynila 1
Nang Lusubin ng Apat na Vahklitah ang Maynila 2

Nang Lusubin ng Apat na Vahklitah ang Maynila 2

Nang matapos bilhin ni Man4Boys ang kanyang gagamitan para sa kanyang laruan (mahilig sya sa boy toys, pero this time e totoong toys for the boys ito), nagyaya syang pumunta ng Intramuros kasi di pa nakakadating doon si Totoy Mola simula nung maging b.s. sya. Hindi bulshet a. Bagong salta hahahahaha

Papasukin sana nila yun Rizal Shrine sa Fort Santiago, pero sarado na. Si Cubao Boy naman, di makapakali. Kuha ng kuha ng retrato sa kanyang dslr. Inagaw ni Eternal Wanderer ang camera at sinilip kung ano ang pinagkukukuha na shots. Baka naman kasi kung sino-sinong lalaki sa paligid na naman ang pinagkukukuha ni Cubao Boy. Pero hindi naman pala. Magaganda ang mga shots. May mga compostion churvie nang inaalam. Aba, e tunay na mahusay na photographer na si Cubao Boy!

Nilakad ni Eternal Wanderer, Man4Boys, Cubao Boy, at Totoy Mola mula Fort Santiago, patungong Manila Cathedral, hanggang San Agustin at babalik. Syempre inusyoso nila yung mga simbahan along the way. Mas malaki pala ang Manila Cathedral, pero mas maborloloy naman ang San Agustin. Nung pabalik na sila sa kotse, pinag-usapan nila kung saan sila magdidinner. Tutal nandoon na sila, might as well sa Chinatown na sila kumain. At dahil pussy na gala si Man4Boys ay alam nya ang mga pasikot-sikot ng Maynila. Agad nilang natumbok ang Wai Ying sa Buenaventura.

Nagutom ang mga vahklita 3 vahklita + 1 vhoy. Sang damukmok ang kanilang inorder: hakaw, radish cake, vegetable dumplings, dalawang taipao, beef wanton mami, white chicken mami, lemon chicken, at roast duck. Walang usap-usap nung dumating ang pagkain. Lafang kung lafang ang kanilang ginawa. Pero biglang tumili ulit telepono ni Eternal Wanderer.

Miley Cyrus: So where you guys na? (coñita ang nyetang vehky)
Eternal Wanderer: Nandito kami sa Wai Ying sa Binondo.
MC: Ay, really? Can I make sama ba with you if it's okay lang?
EW: Sure no problem. Where you ba? (nahawa na rin sa pagka-coñita)
MC: Basta I'm somwhere. I'll see you there na lang a!

Si Bb. Miley Cyrus talaga. Coñitang vehky na adek sa gimik. Kahit saang lupalop e papatusin nya.

Nang datnan silang apat ni Miley Cyrus, halos lupaypay na sila. Hindi dahil sa gutom kundi dahil sa bundat. Sinuggest tuloy ni Eternal Wanderer na maglakad at umikot ng konti sa Binondo para matanggal ang antok at pagkabundat. Kung anu-anong tindahan ang nakita nila doon. Pati yung orig na Eng Bee Tin e pinasok nila. Katapat nung Eng Bee Tin ay isang ubeng firetruck. Kakaiba ang kulay! Napaisip tuloy ni Eternal Wanderer. Anong itsura kung may 3 vahklita + 1 vhoy + 1 coñitang vehky na sumakay at gawing mala-float ng firetruck na may matching ube evening gowns.? Ang bonnga ever ng idea noh?

Related links:
Nang Lusubin ng Apat na Vahklitah ang Maynila 1
Nang Lusubin ng Apat na Vahklitah ang Maynila 3

Nang Lusubin ng Apat na Vahklitah ang Maynila 1

Masarap ang tulog ni Eternal Wanderer nung Linggo ng umaga. E paano ba naman, hanggang 4:30 a.m. magkasama pa sa gimikan sina Man4Boys, Totoy Mola, Cubao Boy, at Miley Cyrus. Kahit di nainom ng alak si Eternal Wanderer, nakatsyawan syang uminom ng shot ang Absolut Kurant (miminsan na nga lang uminon, kaya nagpaka-soshal sya. Ladies drink kung ladies drink, ayon kay Totoy Mola).

So ayun, habang kasalukuyang humihilik, gumagawa ng mapa ng Argentina sa unan, at napapanaginipan si Wafu (sabay-sabay yun a) e biglang nakalampog ang tulog ni Eternal Wanderer ng kanyang literal na tumitili na cell phone.

Totoy Mola: Hoy vhot-vhot gumising ka na.
Eternal Wanderer: (boses Inday Garutay kasi kakagising lang) Tuod ka! Ang aga-aga, nambubuset ka na naman! Batet?
TM: Si Man4Boys, nagyayayang mag-168. Daanan kita mga 3:00 p.m.
EW: Sige.

Di naman kaladkarin si Eternal Wanderer ano? Di pa nakadilat ang dalawang mata, sige kaagad ang tugon sa yaya ng tropa. At kahit tulog pa ang diwa nya, call sya agad kay Cubao Boy.

Eternal Wanderer: Hoy batugan, bumangon ka nga.
Cubao Boy: Tulog pa ako. Wag ka buset.
EW: Si Man4Boys nagyayaya mag 168. Daanan ka namin ni Totoy Mola mga 3:30 p.m.
CB: Okies.

Kung kaladkarin si Eternal Wanderer naman, ano pa ang tawag kay Cubao Boy (pwera sa masarap)? Kahit nakahilata pa sya sa kama suot-suot ang skimpy briefs nya at humihilik, sasagot yan ng oo kaagad basta hilahan time.

Kasi mahirap mag-park sa 168, e nag-alok si Man4Boys na kotse na lang nya ang gamitin papuntang Maynila (ang galante nya talaga. Etchoz!) So nagpark na lang sila Totoy Mola & co. sa may bandang Shaw at doon sila sinundo ni Man4Boys. Makulit silang apat sa kotse. Harutan ng harutan. Malamang na-miss nila ang isa't isa mula ng maghiwalay sila ng 4:30 ng umaga.

Pagdating nila sa 168, e umuulan na. Bopols din si Totoy Mola at si Eternal Wanderer. Nakita na ngang uulan, e nagshorts at tsinelas pa sila. Ang kinalabasan, e putik-putik ang kanilang mga paa at bagong manicured na toes. Pero di bale, pwera kay Man4Boys, e first time nilang lahat makapag-168. Ganun pala doon. Isang malaking tiangge na aircon. Samu't-saring bagay ang mga binebenta, mula sa mga kinky na panties, plato't baso, hanggang sa mga figurines, damit at wallet. Nakakaduling sa mata sa dami. At naduling din si Totoy Mola dahil may nakita syang gwapo.

TM: Ay, may gwapo doon o!
EW: Talande ka. Hanggang dito e naghahanap ka pa rin ng makakalantarin.
TM: May magagawa ba ako, e tumitingin sa akin. Gwapo kasi ako.
EW: Gwapo? Hindi ka gwapo. Ikaw ay isang tuod.
TM: Leche ka!

Related links:
Nang Lusubin ng Apat na Vahklitah ang Maynila 2
Nang Lusubin ng Apat na Vahklitah ang Maynila 3

Around the World in 80 Days, Proverbially Speaking 3

a thug at the Jewish Memorial in Berlin, Germany

Berliner Dom in Berlin, Germany

Germany is almost always our entry point in Europe. Apparently, the embassy gives out cultural visas for free. So if you, in anyway, can dance the singkil, declaim Adios, Patria adorada, or sing an Ilonggot lullaby, why not apply for a Schengen cultural visa at the German embassy? You get a free one, too hehe

Germany = sausage heaven. I'm a fan of sausages (the real ones, you naughty, naughty reader you!), so I got my chops licking whenever bratwurst, liverwurst, weißwurst, etc was served. But the most unusual kind of sausage I ate was currywurst. Basically it's chopped up bratwurst grilled and then powdered with curry. Partnered with real fries, I'll take it anytime over McDo and its ilk anytime.

I love Paris!

Of all the cities I've gone around to, Paris remains the one closest to my heart. It's where I met the man of my dreams, who swept me off my feet when I least expected it. We kissed tenderly in the softest night time drizzles, and we made sweet love until the rising sun made its presence known, peeping through the early morning clouds...

Gumising ka, Maruya.

Mwahahahahaha

The times I've been to Paris, I've always made sure to visit both the tourist traps and the local color of the city. Soaking up all the art and exhibits at the Louvre and Musée d'Orsay, marveling at the Nortre Dame and the Sacre Couer, ogling both at the Palais de Versailles and the Moulin Rouge - feast for the eyes and food for the soul. But it was also equally fascinating to discover neighborhood finds - the flakiest and most buttery croissants, the quaint corner bistros with their handwritten menus and café you can sip all-day long, the weekend market where you can buy the cheapest, freshest, and sweetest cherries and peaches. It's all of these things and much more that definitely makes Paris very memorable for me.

break from all the walking somewhere in Venice, Italy

Snowing it up in the Italian Alps

Audiences all over Europe are very appreciative whenever we do concerts. I found it weird that even if a particular performance sucked, they'd still clap their hounds out. But audiences in Italy are a different lot. Reserved is a word that's non-existent in their vocabulary. They'd shout or even roar in approval if they liked a particular song. In the more quiet passages, it wasn't unusual to see people sniffing and wiping their tears away. It makes me think that there's some truth to the saying that music is universal and transcends any language after all.

Italy is all about pasta, pizza, and gelati. There was a dinner I remember that we were fed platters of the thinnest and crunchiest pizzas I've ever tasted. The Italians would find it amusing that we would slather parmesan cheese all over non-tomato based pasta. Apparently, it's a big no-no. Oh, don't even get me started on gelati! Arrrrgh!!!

Almost 30 countires, and countless cities - yes, I've been around literally. But at the end of the day, I'd still hanker for my own bed in my own house in Manila. Give me adobo, sinigang na baboy, kare-kare, and rice anytime, please. I guess it's my own at person at work: a creature of comfort, where there's nothing sweeter than the thought of home sweet home.

Gary was right. Babalik at babalik ka rin!

Around the World in 80 Days, Proverbially Speaking 2

Old Town in Brussels, Belgium

I just love romping through these parts of any city! We spent the whole morning exploring the nooks and crannies in the old town section in Brussels. I munched on authentic Belgian waffles (almost bready in taste and texture), and loaded up on Belgian chocolates for pasalubong. Bad decision. It took all my creativity to figure out how to store the chocolates in my luggage without them being squashed.

By the way, I couldn't help but look for Patrash! lolz

At the side of the Swedish Royal Palace in Stckholm, Sweden

We arrived in Stockholm aboard a cruise ship. In one of the concerts, word got around that the Swedish choir we were competing against in a few months' time would be watching us. We gave them an eat-that-beeyatch singing that night! hahahaha Though the serious choral tradition has only been around for a generation or so, I'm proud to say that Filipino choirs are much feared and respected in competitions abroad :)

My dad and I shared hours of swapping stories about our Sweden He spent almost a year doing post-grad studies in his field. He told me student experiences. I told him about my midnight escapade with my friend. We snuck out at night, took ferry and train to Copenhagen, drank coffee there, and were back by 7 a.m. just in time for breakfast!

Partying in Torrevieja, Spain

This is the only place I experienced wherein it wasn't unusual for concerts to start at 10:00 p.m. It's a very laid back country, very casual and easy-going. It's prolly the cheapest place in Europe where I could by cigs. For € 2.50 a pack, it's practically a steal!

Callos, torta de patatas, and paella made me miss home very much. In Bilbao, I searched in vain for authentic chorizo de bilbao (no such thing), and in turn, I got by asked people on how much a mantel de manila in the Philipiines is (no such thing either). Pantomining ala charades with some sales ladies, I managed to buy some really kewl abanicos in El Corte Ingles (their SM) :D

Around the World in 80 Days, Proverbially Speaking 1

The best part of what I used to do was that I got to travel around Asia, Europe, and North America singing my ass off. At that time, I'd take it for granted to pack my luggage for months at end. Sure, it was exhausting and grueling to be constantly on the road. But looking back, I was definitely lucky enough to have been be able to go around and see really, really cool stuff.

Here are some of my pics:

freezing our butts off in Seoul, South Korea

For some weird reason, we'd always end up in South Korea during winter time. In the pic above, we just had lunch at a restaurant. Korean bbq stuffed with rice and wrapped in a lettuce leaf is love, but their noodles are way too spicy. Needless to say, I'm not a fan of spicy foods at all.

In one of the trips, we went around South Korea for about three weeks. One thing that consistently impressed me are their auditoriums. Even in the most far-flung towns we went to, there'd always be a fabulous theater with great acoustics. Yes folks, apparently cultural presentations are a big thing in South Korea.

doing the clothed Oblation in the Red Square in Moscow, Russia


the obligatory group shot in front of St. Basil's Cathedral.
Also in Moscow, Russia.

Ah, Russia. One of the dream countries I've always wanted to go to. It was end of spring when we went there, but the temperature was still almost freezing. I think 11 of us shared a sparse apartment with NO hot water running. Never, under any circumstance, take a shower in Russian springtime with hot water. I tried braving it for the first time like a man and ended up screaming like, ermmm, a faggot hahahahahaha

The subway stations in Moscow were replete with murals and chandeliers. It was like going to a museum every time we'd go down and ride a train. One pleasant surprise for me: Russian men are HOT! weeeeee

in the port terminal in Helsinki, Finland

We ended up taking the overnight train to Finland. I'm telling you, nothing more stressful than trying to load forty-plus huge luggages in a train in under a minute or so. I remember though sharing the cabin with my three other voice-section mates, where we did housecleaning among ourselves.

Helsinki was wet and dreary the whole time we were there. It wasn't much fun going around in the dripping rain, hence the lack of decent pics. Of all the oddest things I could've done, I caught the Da Vinci Code in a movie house to kill time. Yes, complete with Finnish subtitles hehehe

Ferragamo or Chucks?

, Shoes come in all shapes, colors, makes, and sizes. Some bite you in the heel no matter how much you break them in. Some are a perfect fit even on the first try.

Some shoes you wear because you have to.

Patented leather, all spic and span. Preferably of European brand and make.

Very fashionable. Trés chic.

But ultimately, you realize that you cannot wear them everyday. Slowly, you find reasons not to wear them everyday.

Too expensive. Save it for a special occasion. Whatever.

You keep in a box in a closet. It is special, after all.

And before you know it, it's out of style. So last season.

Some shoes you wear because you want to.

Nothing flashy. Nothing swanky.

But they are comfortable to walk in. They are so comfortable that you want to wear them everyday. At every occasion possible.

You wear them until the soles are worn out. Until they get holes. Until they get dirty and grimy and muddy.

But you don't care. Because they fit you like a proverbial glove.

Ferragamos are fine and dandy. Nothing wrong with that.

But me? Give me my trusty Chucks anytime.

------
Dedicated to you. And your shoes.

Listahan

Mga kailangan kong gawin:

1. Paliguan si Musa (aso kong Rhodesian Ridgeback). Nangangamoy Musa na kama ko. Oo, Spice, kasama ko si Musa matulog sa kama. Though ang gusto ko talaga, ikaw sana katabi ko ;)




2. Bumili ng baterya ng cordless phone. Di ko tuloy magamit yung Magic Jack na binigay sa akin. San ba nakakabili nun?




3. I-text yung middle blocker namin na maglaro sya sa Sabado para kumpleto kami. Tama si Trip. Ang hirap magbuo ng team para makapaglaro ng volleyball.




4. Bumili ng oven at mga kagamitan pang-bake. Gusto ko talagang matuto magbake ng cake. Seryoso ako. At balak namin ng tropa magluto ng turkey. Yun tipong lalagyan pa ng bacon sa ilalim nung balat para self-basting ang effect. Panalo! Weird ba ang trip namin?

5. Tapusin ang mga librong binabasa ko. Nakatapos ako ng tatlo last week, at itong week inumpisahan ko naman yung Elven nation trilogy. Geek alert!!!





6. Mag-walking kasama si Pkf at Ting Ting Cojuangco sa Ateneo bago sila mag-ensayo. Maghahanap na rin ng makakalantarin doon. Wahahahahahaha




7. Magluto ng adobo na maraming bawang at gamit yung sukang iloko na binili ko nung Holy Week. Sabi nila, masarap daw ang timpla ng adobo pag gumamit ng sukang iloko :D




8. Linisan ng maigi ang kotse. Sumisigaw na sya sa akin, "HUGASAN MO NAMAN AKO, PARANG AWA MO NA!"




9. Bumili ng bagong cross-trainers. Apat na taon ko nang ginagamit yung Nike Max Air ko. Loshang na loshang na sya. Gusto ko sana yung 360, kaso sabi ni Cubao Boy, madali daw pumutok yung ilalim.

10. Maghanap ng jowa....Etchozzzz.

Band of Brothers

Consider this:

A high profile chatter. An independent guy. Tall. Candy to the eye. As straight as you can get. Downs Red Horse like water. Smart. Opinionated once you get him going. Real. Is not afraid to cry. Is there when you really need him. A big baby. Has a huge capacity to love.

Consider this:

A high profile chatter. Gruff and secretive. As straight as you can get. Witty and funny as hell. Padre de familia. Very sensible. Smart. Generous with his resources. Downs anything that remotely resembles alcohol. Real. Will not back off fighting for a worthy cause.

Consider this:

A high profile chatter. Meaty. Very meaty. Smart. Loves to dance in his skimpy undies in front of the cam. A truly sensitive soul. As straight as you can get. Can talk for hours when in the mood. Real. Downs two Long Island iced teas and is a goner. Will go with you anywhere. Literally.

Consider this:

Vigan. Hours in the Lobby. Countless hours spent together sharing life stories. Coffees. Laughter. Heartaches. Bataan. Dinners. Alcohol. Lots of alcohol. Tagaytay. Movies. Emo. Bulacan.

These are my band of brothers. And I drink to that. With Coke Zero. Lots of Coke Zero.

Masks

I am Eternal Wanderer, but yet I am just a mask.

It is not me, but it is still me.

It is not the whole of me, but a part of who I am.

We all put on masks. Different masks to different people. To our parents. To our siblings. To our friends. To our lovers.

Sometimes, we even layer it. One at a time. A careful and calculated construction.

At the end of the day, we take it off.

I take it off.

Only to discover that I am the mask underneath.

Have I become the mask, or has the mask become me?

-----

For you, and what we have talked about.

Five Simple Things I've Learned from Playing Volleyball

"One point¹ at a time lang tayo, o. Kung magkamali, bawi kaagad!"

There's no use dwelling on past mistakes. Just let it go. Don't worry too much with the future, too. Just stay in the moment, stay in the now. Each moment is fleeting and transitory in nature. Once it's gone, you can never bring it back to savor it.


"Kung yung block e nasa harap mo na, pa-check² mo na lang sa kamay. Gawan mo ng paraan!."

No one said that life would definitely be one smooth ride. Obstacles will always be encountered. What matters is that you do something about it. Wag titiklop, wag dadagain, wag papatalo. Walang rebanse³ in real life, walang take two. Think of it very well, and just do it!


"Cover⁴ your spikers. And your blockers as well."

It's all about trust and support. That you'll be there for the people who mean something to you. That those very same people would also be there for you. Kung san ka masaya, suportahan ta ka. Well, as long as you don't step on other people in the process hehehehe


"Talk! Talk! Talk! Bawal tahimik sa loob ng court!"

Open communication is one of the fundamentals in any kind of relationship. Being honest is always the best policy, whether is brutally delivered, or said in a gentle manner. You deserve that from them as much as they deserve it from you.


"There are no bad 1st⁵ balls. Only bad setters."

I take full command responsibility with the choices I make. I can't lay the blame on other people, and neither can I blame external factors. At the end of the day, it's still me who will have to decide. It's my life after all. Integrity will back up and follow through these choices that I make. Hopefully.


-----
¹ The rally point system makes it easy to get a point. Just don't make a mistake, and force the other team to make a mistake.
² The act of hitting the ball off the hands of the opponent's block.
³ In the parlance of pustahang laro, it's the last and determining set. Sometimes, the stakes are raised even higher.
⁴ Staying underneath the your spiker to be able to get the ball just in case it gets blocked back into your own court. Covering your own blocker means rushing in behind them just in case the opponent decides to tip the ball instead of spiking it hard.
⁵ This works on the premise that no matter how the ball is badly received or dug, a really good setter should still be able to give the ball properly to his spikers.

La Divina, Postscript

Maria Callas
(1923–1977)



Vissi d'arte from Puccini's "Tosca"

Vissi d’arte, vissi d’amore, non feci mai male ad anima viva!
Con man furtiva quante miserie conobbi aiutai.
Sempre con fè sincera la mia preghiera ai santi tabernacoli salì.
Sempre con fè sinceradiedi fiori agl’altar.
Nell’ora del dolore perchè, perchè, Signore,
perchè me ne rimuneri così?
Diedi gioielli della Madonna al manto, e diedi il canto agli astri,
al ciel, che ne ridean più belli.
Nell’ora del dolor perchè, perchè, Signor,
ah, perchè me ne rimuneri così?

I lived for my art, I lived for love, I never did harm to a living soul!
With a secret hand I relieved as many misfortunes as I knew of.
Always with true faith, my prayer rose to the holy shrines.
Always with true faith, I gave flowers to the altar.
In the hour of grief, why, why, o Lord,
why do you reward me thus?
I gave jewels for the Madonna’s mantle, and I gave my song to the stars,
to heaven, which smiled with more beauty.
In the hour of grief, why, why, o Lord,
ah, why do you reward me thus?

La Divina

To be particularly honest, I never really caught on the idea of Maria Callas as a great soprano – at least in the beginning. Being the high-note whore I was when I was a kid (sure, some traces of it can still be found nowadays – but I’m digressing), I was utterly shocked with my first aural encounter with her. Owing to the fact that this happened at a very tender and impressionable age of ten, and that my idea of a pretty voice so far was that of Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music, what was coming out of the speakers repulsed me, to put it mildly. The voice had none of the purity and limpidness that I expected from a coloratura soprano. Instead, I was deluged with a darkish, veiled, almost bottled-up kind of sound. Sure, fine, she had high notes. That I couldn’t argue about. But it was produced in such an unorthodox kind way that made my skin scrawl. Let’s put it this way, would you rather be A) crushed under a whole ton of hollow blocks masquerading as a high note or B) suffer a hundred decibels of pure siren-wailing trying to pass itself as a high note? Either choice is equally valid, by the way; because that was the how she sounded to me come high note time. Trust me, the listening session didn’t turn out to be a pleasurable experience as I was hoping it to be. It was mind-boggling experience all right, as in the oh-my-god-why-the-heck-is-she-famous-when-she-sounds-SO-ugly? kind of mind-boggling. Deciding that she was just a hack for all I care (oh, such arrogance of youth), I quickly yanked the tape out of the deck after a few arias, and stored it in the box-that-it-never-to-be-opened-at-any-cost, otherwise known as the baul where my lola stored all precious knick-knacks and what-mays.

Fast forward to the age of the laser disc (okay, I realize that sounded really, really dated). Through the intervening years, I slowly got re-acquainted with the voice of Callas through various live and studio recordings of recitals and complete operas. Sure, she was still sometimes painful to listen, especially when she was lunging at the high notes. Definitely, the voice wasn’t anything remotely beautiful. In fact, for a lot of conservative vocal purists, her physical instrument sounded intrinsically fractured. Anyway, back to the laser disc story. My friend just arrived from the States lugging back a LD of Callas’ Covent Garden performance of Puccini’s Tosca. Since it was a lazy Sunday afternoon, and there was nothing good on t.v., I decided to accept his invitation to hang out and watch the video. As the performance unfurled before the t.v. screen, I was mesmerized. So this was what the Callas myth was all about. Her sheer presence and animal magnetism was very much apparent, throbbing with a palpable force I’ve never encountered before. Never mind the wobbly high notes or her distracting yodeling in and out of her chest voice. Every vocal histrionic was well put into the context of the drama. She ceased to be Callas the prima donna, and became every inch of Tosca, the outraged prima donna character she was portraying. A whole gamut of emotions, from jealousy to pain, from elation to desperation, from tenderness to fury leaped out from the video straight to the core of my being. The performance ceased to be an opera. Rather, it became was a searingly white-hot display of naked emotional truth compressed into about two hours of sheer drama. And yes, Virginia, to put it simply, I was riveted.

So what’s the whole point of the essay? It's a fanboy's personal recollection and tribute to a siner who has justifiably revolutionized opera from the mid-50's onwards. Even after 50-odd years, the reforms of Maria Callas in the operatic scene can still be felt, with the audiences expecting singers to have well-fleshed out characterizations as opposed to the stand-and-deliver approach to singing. She has proved to be a shinning beacon for an opera singer like me on how to approach and deal with the music at hand. Her untimely retirement from the operatic scene has left a void that others have tried to fill. Renata Scotto, Elena Souliotis, Sylvia Sass, and their ilk have taken up Callas' cudgels with various degrees of success. But it stops there, because the is only one Callas, bar none. The Queen is dead, and no one can ever replace her. Viva La Divina! Viva La Callas!

Baby Steps in Writing

How can you kill yourself slowly? Well, I asked a few people about it and I got some kooky answers I'd like to share with you. So here it goes:

First, eat lots of food that is fatty and high in cholesterol. These fats and cholesterol will slowly build up and eventually block your arteries, leading to a stroke or heart attack. Of course, you wouldn't notice anything amiss until IT strikes. Isn't it exciting? Well, as for those "healthy foods, the diet plans, and your subscription to Slimmer's World and Shape Center, junk them because they're definitely no-no's in achieving your goal.

Second, expose yourself to a lot of stress. At every opportunity, drive during rush hours, cram to beat deadlines, and quarrel with everybody in sight. That ought to make you tense enough to make your blood pressure shoot up to high heavens, and, coupled with a bad diet, it would surely drive you to the box early. But, hey, who's rushing? Just shout invectives at the other drivers, kiss and make up with your enemies, and smoke like hell when you're cramming, all to give you a chance of experiencing there nerve-wracking situations again and again!

Third, speaking of smoking, did you know that each stick takes away five minutes from your life? Not only that, you're bound to get cancer sooner or later. That's why you should smoke several packs of cigarettes a day. Regular or menthol, whatever you prefer, but never the light brand. You not only burn money (for those poor-little-rich-people who can't find anything to do with their money), but more importantly, you never notice the effects until the next medical check-up, wherein cute golf-size spots appear in your lung x-ray. Eureka!

These are some of the crazy answers I got to the even crazier question "How can you kill yourself slowly?" Well, it's definitely easier to pull the trigger, or slash the wrists, but, hey, where's all the fun in that?

-----

While I was doing house cleaning, I came across this untitled essay I wrote in 3rd year h.s. It's prolly the earliest specimen of writing I have that still survives. I can't figure out what prompted me to come up with something like this, but apparently the teacher liked it enough to give me more than a decent grade. Apparently, he took a fancy a my stab at satirical/sarcastic writing. To each his own, I guess.

Tripping Down TV Memory Lane 3

Siguro mga 10 yrs. old na ako nung sinabi ni Ermats na pwede na magka-TV sa bahay. Tuwang-tuwa ako kasi bumili si Erpats ng bagong TV. At malaki pa! Kaya nagpakasasa naman ako manood doon. Sa mga panahong yun, may bagong series na pinapalabas sa channel 7. Nagalak ako dahil lalaking hero naman ang pinapanood ko for a change.

Eto sya:

Napakakisig ni He-Man! Nasiyahan akong sulyapin palagi ang
mga muscles nya pag nag-transorm si Prince Adam into He-man.

Hindi nagtagal, e may nilabas din na spin-off na cartoon. Aba, may kambal na babae pala si Prince Adam! At nung nakuha ni Princess Adora ang magical sword at sumigaw ng "For the honor of Greyskull!" sya ay naging:

She-Ra, Princess of Power! At ang paborito kong
kalaban nya ay si Catra. Yung isang kaklase ako sa
grade school, e role-playing kami. Ako si She-Ra,
sya si Catra. Nag-gugulungan kami kakabuntal
sa football field, at sa pag-uwi ko, pinapagalitan
ako palagi ni Ermats dahil gulagulanit na uniform
ko't may mga suga't pasa na rin ako sa buong katawan.

Hindi ko papalampasin na ipakita sa inyo kung paano magtransform si She-Ra:

Needless to say, ang huling balita ko,
bakla na yung kaklase ko na yun.

(Hindi ako badiiiiiing!!! Wag makuliiiiiit!!!!)

Oo, masaya naman ang panonood ko ng TV nung bata ako. Between Electro Woman, Isis, Wonder Woman, at She-Ra, naging makulay ang imahinasyon at mundo ko. Salamat sa kanila, e nagkaroon ako ng role models for the sense of what is right and justice tempered with compassion. Dala-dala ko pa rin sa aking pagkatao ang mga values na ito hanggang ngayon. And without batting an eyelash, masasabi ko na magagandang kaugalian naman ang mga values na ito. So you see, may pinatunguhan naman ang panonood ng mga TV shows na to, di ba?

-----

Naalala ko lang ang lahat ng mga ito dahil sa isang conversation namin ni Totoy Mola. Topic namin kung ano ang mag favorite TV shows namin nung bata kami. Hilig nya yung mga action type. Kwinento ko yun akin. Ang react nya?

Isang gruff at astiging "EW, ang vahklita mo."

Sobrang miss na kita, Tototy Mola. Totoong-totoo yun. Pumunta ka sa Sabado a. Magtatagay ka ng Red Horse at ako naman Coke Zero. At pagsaluhan natin ang ating pagiging magkaibigan.

Related links:
Tripping Down TV Memory Lane 1
Tripping Down TV Memory Lane 2

Tripping Down TV Memory Lane 2

Minsan, kung adik ako, uuwi ako para mananghalian lang, tapos balik sa kapit-bahay sa hapon para manood ng mga ito:

Si Electro Woman at Dyna Girl! Nilalaro namin
yan ng nakababata kong pinsan na babae.
Syempre ako si EW at sya si DG.

Eto sila in action:

Sa awa ng Diyos, yung nakababata kong pinsan
na babae e hiwalay sa asawa 't tibo na ngayon.

May isa pa akong paborito na live-action show. Sa totoo lang, mas gusto ko pa nga ito kesa sa Elecro Woman at Dyna Girl:

Si mighty Isis! Dahil sa kanya, e napabasa
tuloy ako ng lahat na available na libro
sa school library namin tungkol sa
Egyptian mythology. Na ikinagalak
naman ni Ermats kasi mabuti daw yun
para sa ikalalawak ng knowledge ko.
Kung alam lang nya....

Eto sya pag nag-tratransform:

Lumalangoy ako nun sa Ateneo Grade School pool
tuwing Linggo ng umaga kasama si Ermats.
Bago ako tumalon, pose muna ako at bubulong
"O mighty Isis!" sabay dive. Tuwang tuwa si Ermats
dahil kada talon ko, e nagiimprove daw ako ng husto.

Pero sa kanilang tatlo, sya na siguro ang pinaka-paborito ko:

Ang ganda at sexy nya ano? Kasama nya dito
si Wonder Girl, kababata nyang kapatid.

Palibhasa gabi na kung ipalabas yun, kaya sa bahay na lang ng lolo't lola ko na lang ako nanonood nito. Overnight na doon, sabay diretso sa school the next day. Never ko pinalampas yata ang Thursday night na di ko yan papanoorin. Deadma kung may exam the next day. Karay-karay ko ang review materials, notes, at mga libro sa bahay ng lolo't lola ko. Sabay kami nanonood ng isa ko pang nakababatang pinsan na babae. Minsan, habang nanonood kami nagtanong sya, "Kuya, ba't ba ang hilig mo manood ng Wonder Woman?" Ang pa-utal kong sagot e "Uhmm... ah...ermmm...kasi mahilig ako sa invisible jets e." Ay jusme. Ano ba namang sagot yun?

Ganito mag-transform si Wonder Woman:

Nahihilo ako tuwing ginagaya ko sya
mag-transform. Pero kahit ilang ikot gawin
ko, kahit gaano kabilis, di ako magi-maging
Wonder Woman. Nagtataka na lang si Ermats kung
bakit ako napapatakbo sa banyo at sumusuka sa hilo.

(Hindi ako bading sabi e. Lalaki ako. Promise.)

Related links:
Tripping Down TV Memory Lane 1
Tripping Down TV Memory Lane 3

Tripping Down TV Memory Lane 1

Nung bata ako, medyo may kahiligan akong manood ng TV. Pero palibhasa banned ang TV sa bahay ayon sa kautusan ni Ermats, e sa kapit-bahay na lang ako nakikinood. Buti na lang, mabait sila. Kaya tuwing sabado ng umaga, nanood kami ng mga kalaro ko doon ng Saturday Fun machine sa channel 9.

Ito ang mga ilan sa mga paborito ko na cartoons sa Saturday Fun Machine:

Si Shmoo. Di ko na maalala kung ano sya,
pero natatandaan ko na naaliw ako sa kanya.


Si Space Ghost. May mga sidekick sya. At
yung mga sidekick nya, may sidekick din.
Blue na unggoy! San ka pa?!

Mahaba yung Saturday Fun Machine. Siguro mga tatlo o apat na oras na sunod-sunod na cartoons ang pinapalabas. Pero sa lahat ng mga cartoons, ito na siguro yung pinakapaborito ko:

Super Friends! Nandyan pa si Marvin, Wendy, at Wonderdog!
Pero ang naalala kong pumasok sa isip ko nun e,
"Ano kaya ang pakiramdam sumakay sa invisible jet ni
Wonder Woman at gumamit ang magic lasso nya?"

(Hindi ako bakla. Lalaki ako.)

Related links:
Tripping Down TV Memory Lane 2
Tripping Down TV Memory Lane 3

Orpheus Ascends From the Underworld

After 40 days and 40 nights in the land of the shades, guess who got ressurected?

Welcome back, Spice!

P.S. Happy birthday! I know you're reading this ;)

More Midnight Tales

The Rendezvous 2

I had a bad episode a few nights ago. Driving along the span of Commonwealth past midnight, a stray thought suddenly crossed my mind. I was so caught off-guard that I almost hit the brakes dead stop. It just came out of nowhere, and at that moment, all my processing and resolutions meant nothing to me. It just went down the drain like dirty dishwater that couldn't wait to get to the sewers.

You see, while I was driving, I suddenly thought of Spice.

We had a game whenever he was at my place. He has always been fastidious with his looks. I found it amusing to see him preen in front of the mirror, fixing his shirt or styling his hair. I never tired of mock-teasing him about it, and he'd respond with a mock smirk of his own. But in the middle of it all, I would usually end up hugging him from behind and bury my face in his nape. I'd then take my time inhaling the scent of his perfume.

(I can't breathe. No, I can. But the only thing I can breathe is the memory of your scent. Oh God. It hurts.)

"Smile ka naman," I'd cajole him while rubbing his goatee.

"Ayaw."

"Sige na, please?"

Even then, I could see him suppress a smile that was forming. A suppressed smile which all the more brought out his dimple.

(Be still, my heart. Please.)

It was a just a routine, but it always managed to take my breathe away. For in my heart's eye, he was most handsome at that time.

"I love you," I'd say as I kiss him tenderly on the cheek.

He'd sigh and whisper softly, "I love you, too."

(Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Why are you torturing yourself with these sketches of the past?)

My heart winced as I continued driving behind the wheel. I haven't felt that pain in years. I had forgotten how excruciating it can be. Dammit. Why do these things suddenly pop out of the blue just when your defenses are down and you're at your most vulnerable?

When shit hits the fan, it spreads around. Big time.

My tears started to well up even before I managed to chuck my half-spent cigarette. I closed the window, and the night road before me was a blur. All I had for company was a radio on full blast as I sped straight to heartache city.

With One Glimpse

On This Day

To the woman who birthed me many moons ago:

Your offspring has had you in his thoughts as his day of birth approaches. He may not be with you, but the engulfing distance does not prevent him from offering his totality as a gift on your natal day. It may not be enough, but that is all he can humbly give to you.

From my heart to your heart.

Happy birthday to us, Ma.

I love you.

Related link:
On This Day, Revisited

The Haunting

I was lost in thought as I was walking around the neighborhood well past midnight. I have always taken pleasure in these midnight walks. The solitariness of this nocturnal activity has consistently provided a certain measure of comfort; the relaxed pace of the strolling helping to clear away the sticky cobwebs in my thoughts. This particular occasion was turning out to be no different from what I have done in the past. Or so I thought.

It was a hot and balmy night, and the muted roll of the distant thunder was an ominous sign of an impending thunderstorm. I momentarily stopped to wipe away the glisten of sweat gathering on my brows. Then, from afar, I heard a dog bay mournfully. I looked up with a start, and immediately realized something wasn't right.

I took a wrong turn. I didn't know where I was.

The street was unfamiliar, partially hidden in the recess of dark shadows. A nearby lamp post was dying, its flickering light casting an eerie glow on the surrounding. The slow baying of the dog had stopped. The sudden silence was jarring, almost deafening. I felt the heaviness of the atmosphere suddenly weigh on me, so I decided to walk down the gloomy street in a more hurried pace.

My heart was already starting to pound when I saw it.

-----

It was all but a faint shimmer at first. Gradually, the light coalesced into a diaphanous figure. I couldn't help but gasp in chilling recognition.

"I know you!" I uttered in a quivering voice. "Why do you still come before me? Why are you doing this to me?"

It remained wordless and silent, its pale eyes stared directly at mine. Slowly, it raised its ghostly hand and beckoned to me.

"No! I will not come near you, do you hear me?!" My voice was rising almost to a fevered pitch. "I have already wrestled with you. I have banished you. Why do you come back to haunt me?"

My shirt was drenched, sweat mixed with fear and anger at the phantasm before me. I remained obstinate and defiant in my stance. When it sensed that I absolutely refused to approach, it started to go towards me, plodden in its movement. I saw its translucent lips opening, forming voiceless words I could strangely understand. I shivered uncontrollably at what it said.

I am you, and you are me. We are inevitably linked to each other by your the decisions in the past, the actions taken, and the choices not made. You cannot exorcise me. You cannot deny me. But what I offer you is peace, Free yourself from the shackles of what was, and the anxieties of what might have been. Accept me, and you will be granted the gift of peace. Accept me, and I shall be granted the gift of peace.

I closed my eyes, and sighed a deep breath as the phantom drew closer and closer.

-----

My eyes were still closed when I felt the first raindrops on my face. The rain had started to fall, and soon, the full fury of the thunderstorm was unleashed upon me. It was as if the heavens was one with my catharsis. I had taken it all in, and now, the rain was washing away all the grimy doubts and apprehensions built over time. When I finally opened my yes, I knew that the ghost would no longer be there, and that I would not find myself lost anymore.

As I made my way towards home in the rain, tranquility nestled within my soul.

-----

Why is it that the ghost of what-might-have-been suddenly haunts us at the most inopportune moment? Will we constantly berate ourselves for indecisions in the past and opportunities lost? Contentment, it seems, is as fleeting as the moment that was let by.

Si Varsity Boy at Ako: Pers Lab 1

Kung ako ang tutanungin nyo, siguro ang pinaka masayang period ng buhay ko e yung nag-repeat ako nung high school. Ironic ba? Hindi naman. May pagka-gago kasi ako nung early years ko sa high school. So hayun, nadale ako nung 3rd year. Buti nga pinayagan pa ako ni Father Principal at ng Assistant Principal for Academic Affairs na mag-repeat e. In retrospect, maraming kabutihang naidulot sa akin yung pagbagsak ko. Natutuo akong magseryoso sa academics. Natutoo rin akong mag-adjust at makisocialize sa mga kakalse ko. At higit sa lahat, natutong tumibok ng tunay ang puso ko.

Ano kamo?!

Oo. Dahil nung nag-repeat ako, doon ko nakilala si Varsity Boy.

Nung sumemplang nga ako, sumemplang na rin sa buhay ko si Cris Villanueva. At saka wala yun. Bata pa si Sabel nung mga panahong iyon, kaya matatawag na puppy love lang yung nangyari sa amin noon. Pero sa totoo lang a, tense na tense ako nung unang araw ng pagpasok ko sa school. Bagong class na nga, bagong batch pa. Pag pasok ko sa class room, ang pakiramdam ko lahat ng mata nakatutok sa akin. Pero kahit muntikan na akong himatayin ako sa anxiety attack, e palagay nyo ba di ko mapapairal ang likas na kalandian ko?

Hello. Ako pa.

So kahit na kumakabog ang dibdib ko sa kaba't tension, ang mga mata ko'y dali-daling nag-reconnaisance. Laban kung laban, fight kung fight.

Hmmmm...

Isa.

Dalawa. Tatlo.

Apat. Lima. Anim...

Ay, diosmioportodoslossantosdelas-ai-ai-delasalas! May karamihan ang cutiness at yumminess dito! So instead na madismaya ako sa fact na ito yung first day ng repeated na school year ko, e kulang na lang maghanap ako ng swimming pool na puno ng Caladryl. Pero baka di pa rin kayanin. Kasi ang pakiramdam ko, binalot ako sa gabi leaves na punong-puno ng higad at dikya sa mga sandaling yun.

Slumpity Slump Slump Slump

Nabuburaot ako lately. And worse, I've been in a writing slump. Nandoon yung mga thought and ideas, but they never seem to congeal into coherence.

Leche.

Ting Ting Cojuangco was right.

I prolly need a mind-blowing lay.

P.S. BFF, not with you, because you're my one and only beh lolz

Hanggang

Sa tanong hanggang kailan saan, hanggang kailaan, ito ang aking tugon:

Nyeta BBF, 'wag lalaki ang ulo.

Hehehehehe

Scènes d'un Cinema et une la Vie Vérité

"Alright. Ready for standby. Rolling, three, two, one. Action!"

The klieg lights are shining brightly on the scene. The set is all quiet for the take. Two actors mumble their dialogues. I stay hidden in the shadows of my room, and let my eyes roam before the action that is unfolding before me. I am but a silent voyeur, seeing everything and yet uttering not a single word.

"Cut! That was a good take!"

"Make-up, pakipunasan nga ang pawis!"

"Set-up na tayo for sequence 52. Yung kabilang kwarto ang gagamitin."

All is a pandemonium as the gaffers set-up the new lights for the next scene. In a corner, an actor seats silently, his eyes closed as if lost in contemplation. His mouth is slowly moving, a litany of words that is to be his next dialogue. I do not hear what he says, nor, do I suspect, really care what it is. After all, I still play the role of the silent voyeur, seeing everything and yet uttering not a single word.

The minutes march progressively into hours, and the chaos settles into a routine. Rehearse, take, set-up. A repetitive drill broken only by an erroneous delivery of a dialogue or a sudden intrusion of an obtrusive background noise.

Then there is a noticeable lull in the activity. I arise from my desk to scrutinize what is happening. They are done with the shoot. The lights are already turned off and being dismantled. The crew slowly mills about, their glassy eyes betraying the fatigue of the long day just finished. They slowly file out of the house, zombie-like in their movements.

I close all the lights and lock the doors of the house. Darkness and quietude blanket my surroundings.

But even then, I remain a silent voyeur, seeing everything and yet uttering not a single word.

BBF

You make me smile.

'Nuff said.

How I Found Happiness in a Box

When Eternal Wanderer said he'll do housecleaning, he literally took it to heart. As per Dabo's suggestion, he threw out the itsy-bitsy polka dot bikini (but kept the black and yellow striped one for sentimental reasons). He also threw out tons and tons of papers in his room that was taking up a huge amount of space. In his rummaging to figure what to throw out (Math 53 blue book - yes, 3rd year h.s. English paper - no), he came across a box he hadn't seen in years.

The box containing the memorabilia he saved from his high school years.

Amidst all the mess and the dust motes, Eternal Wanderer surveyed through the items in the box. It was full of knick-knacks: pictures of his h.s. classmates, a handful of party invitations, notes from various girls he met in different soirees, love letters and a rose petal from the birthday bouquet he got from Varsity Boy.

The various items filled Eternal Wanderer with a surge of wistful nostalgia. He read through the love letters of Varsity Boy, and chuckled at the sweet nothings that it contained. He saw a picture of his ex-girlfriend, and gently reminded himself to give her a text and ask how she is. His wacky h.s. class pics prompted a smile out of him and made him text his h.s. barkada to ask when and where the next gimik was.

Amidst all the mess and the dust motes, Eternal Wanderer thanked the box for making him realize that it was indeed still possible to be happy. That happiness is always a choice is something he had forgotten in the swirl of the emotional storm he was going through. He had every right to indulge in mourning for a loss, but it was about time to acknowledge the window that was opened for him.

Amidst all the mess and the dust motes, Eternal Wanderer decided then and there to be happy. No regerets, no looking back, no bitterness in his heart. The fog of disconsolateness had been lifted, and he felt it was about time to let the sun shine on him once more.

Yes, there is no more mess. There are no more dust motes. The housecleaning is done.

I am back.

Under Renovation 1

Bad karma is a bitch. I've already eaten my principles too much.

Thanks for the ride. For what it was worth, you made me forget my troubles. But the amnesia of the heart is not a good way to deal with reality. So I'm taking control of the situation right now by putting an end to it. Now.

Time for major housecleaning.

Will be back whenever.

The Guardian

Copied from Lukayo. I gotta find my H.S. and College Meyers-Briggs, so I can see how much I've (been un) changed since then hehehehehe