I had a bad episode a few nights ago. Driving along the span of Commonwealth past midnight, a stray thought suddenly crossed my mind. I was so caught off-guard that I almost hit the brakes dead stop. It just came out of nowhere, and at that moment, all my processing and resolutions meant nothing to me. It just went down the drain like dirty dishwater that couldn't wait to get to the sewers.
You see, while I was driving, I suddenly thought of Spice.
We had a game whenever he was at my place. He has always been fastidious with his looks. I found it amusing to see him preen in front of the mirror, fixing his shirt or styling his hair. I never tired of mock-teasing him about it, and he'd respond with a mock smirk of his own. But in the middle of it all, I would usually end up hugging him from behind and bury my face in his nape. I'd then take my time inhaling the scent of his perfume.
(I can't breathe. No, I can. But the only thing I can breathe is the memory of your scent. Oh God. It hurts.)
"Smile ka naman," I'd cajole him while rubbing his goatee.
"Sige na, please?"
Even then, I could see him suppress a smile that was forming. A suppressed smile which all the more brought out his dimple.
(Be still, my heart. Please.)
It was a just a routine, but it always managed to take my breathe away. For in my heart's eye, he was most handsome at that time.
"I love you," I'd say as I kiss him tenderly on the cheek.
He'd sigh and whisper softly, "I love you, too."
(Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Why are you torturing yourself with these sketches of the past?)
My heart winced as I continued driving behind the wheel. I haven't felt that pain in years. I had forgotten how excruciating it can be. Dammit. Why do these things suddenly pop out of the blue just when your defenses are down and you're at your most vulnerable?
When shit hits the fan, it spreads around. Big time.
My tears started to well up even before I managed to chuck my half-spent cigarette. I closed the window, and the night road before me was a blur. All I had for company was a radio on full blast as I sped straight to heartache city.
With One Glimpse