An Exposition of a Tweet

You. Yes, you.

I know this will show up in your Blogger dashboard, so I am so going to post this one.

Five things:

A Parable of Jack-Off Videos, an E-mail, and a Blog Post

I was talking with someone over the phone when he told me to check a particular blog post. Embedded were three videos of a guy, how shall I say it delicately, touching himself in pleasure. Well, it's nothing new, I said to the person. Except for the first one, I've already seen the others in another site.

Then I read through the whole post.

Summer Statement

Ayoko na ng maiinit.

Ayoko na ng masikip.

Ayoko nang mag-commute sa MRT 'pag summer!

NAKAKALUKEY!!!

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Buti lang sana kung yumminess ang mga katabi ko. But no, ang chchaka na nga, amoy pawis pa. Buset!

Sleepless Dementia a.k.a. When Things Go Wrong, It Really Gets Horrid

1. It started the night before.  There was major confusion regarding the mix-up of the new schedule, and I ended up informing my classmates about the change through text. I should probably add de facto HR to my résumé.

2.  Sleep was elusive because I was already used to the night schedule. All of a sudden, the next phase of training was shifted to the morning with barely 16 hrs. in between.  The result? I had two measley hours of shut-eyes.

3.  I decided to take the cab going to the MRT station. I took the escalator going up, and as I groped for my wallet to buy a stored value card, I realized my wallet wasn't in my back pocket.  It probably fell at the back of the cab since I clearly remember pulling out a twenty peso bill for the fare. Not only did I lose cash, but my cards and driver's license was there as well. Smart Ternie, really smart.

4.  Maybe it was the combination of sleep deprivation and frazzled nerves - I found the topics for discussion barely comprehensible.  It was as if my scrambled brains absolutely refused to absorb all the information being dumped on us. Now, I have to wake up early to restudy my notes. By the way, there were no manuals given out. Bummer.

Bad, bad day.

Pagtataray #2

Tugon sa mga mahilig mangorek ng Ingles na wala sa lugar:

So who fuckken died and made you a grammar nazi?

On Being a J3j3mon. Or Not. 2

Then again, grammatical and misspelled blunders could always be corrected and refreshed.  What was really more disturbing was the flow of thoughts and ideas in the essays.  Or more accurately, the lack thereof.  They were disappointing considering these were college-level essays.  At best, the writings were poorly strung together in terms of clarity and cohesiveness.  At worst, they were a jarring read: paragraph after paragraphs that were almost non sequitur in nature.  I couldn't help but shake my head and wonder, "How in the world did these students even pass the English portion of the college entrance test?!"

On Being a J3j3mon. Or Not. 1

A few years ago, Ting Ting Cojuangco decided that it was time to heed the call of the noblest of professions: to be a respected educator at an equally respected university.  So off he went, and dutifully applied at his alma mater.  He got accepted, not surprisingly, on the strength of his skill, charm, and solid backing from a senior faculty member.  On the eve of the first day of classes, he was so nervous with his prep work that he called me to share his jitters. I said, "You have the personality and the chutzpah. But most importantly, you have the fab wardrobe. You'll do just fine."

The Felony of Martha Stewart

 Glenn Close is acting up again.

I woke up from my afternoon siesta to the sounds of my mom playing Spider Solitaire on my desktop. As I groggily reached for my cigs on the desktop, she paused her game, faced me and said, "Let's talk."

I immediately lighted a stick and sat down across her.

In Search Of is Experiencing Technical Difficulties

Of all the darn things that could happen, the hard disk of my desktop bricked on me.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

And to think I was about to buy a new external hard disk just to back up the friggin' data.

Aaaaaaaaargh.

Will be back as soon I sort out this thing.

Papaitan Recipe (Dahil Ubos na ang Ampalaya) Quote # 6

"Wag kang mag-inarte. Hindi ka kagandahan."

P.S. Ito na ang huli sa serye na ito. Disclaimer lang po: hindi lahat ng tugon e galing sa akin. o sinabi ko sa totoong buhay. Credit goes to other bloggers na kampon din pala ni Bitter Ocampo hahahaha

Nauubusan na Ako sa Paraan ng Pagluto ng Ampalaya Quote #5

Tugon sa tanong "How was your Valentine?"

...

P.S. Maari rin isagot ang tugon ni Yj.

The Imaginarium of Eternal Wanderer

In the imaginarium of Eternal Wanderer, he sees the perfect set-up at home: his father and mother are still together, the sun is up and shining, and there is no rancor and resentment; all is peace and quiet at home.

Alas, the imaginarium only exists in the movie. Eternal Wanderer lives in real, and not reel life.

Sarciadong Ampalaya Quote #3

Tugon sa tanong "How's your love life?"

"Ano yun?"

Ampalaya con Carne Quote # 2

Tugon kapag inecha-pwera:

"Lalaki ka lang. Kayang-kaya kita palitan."

Charantiya Tea Quote # 1

Tugon sa "I hope we still can be friends."

"Marami na akong kaibigan. Di ko kailangan ang isa pang tulad mo."

Eternal Wanderer Lives in Melrose Place

I had a most interesting call yesterday afternoon.  I chatted for prolly a good hour with the former long-time partner of Popsy.  Mom excepted, of all the women in my dad's life, that former partner is the one I'm closest to.  I was actually saddened when Popsy and her broke up because I really, really like her.  Now, Popsy has a new girlfriend, and I think the former partner is also with someone else right now. Just like my mom, former partner and my dad are kewl. She's even kewl with his new girlfriend.

All's well that end's well right?

Enter Madame Claudia Selina Powers.  But call her Glenn Close, for short.

Define Lusaw Ang Utak

There are days you can just write about anything you fancy.

And there are days you just draw a blank.

You stare at the screen. Until your eyes water up. Nothing comes out of of your head.

Brain-melt days. This is one of them.

Dammit. Dammit. Dammit.

Crap.

I prolly need more scratching from Hello Kitty.

HAHAHAHAHAHA

Philippines, My Philippines

Remember my uncle who visited sometime last month?

He's a columnist for an online newspaper, and wrote about his recent trip to the Philippines here, here, and here.

I understand where he's coming from. He's been staying in the States for almost a good four decades or so. Chances are, his memories of the Philippines are frozen in time. And I don't blame him if he sees what he left all those years ago radically changed. That's putting it mildly.

It is true that many places in the Philippines, especially in the highly urbanized centers, may not be pleasing to the eyesight. It is also equally true that the socio-political system in the country is skewed to favor those who have the money and those who have the power. Everywhere, there is graft and corruption. Everywhere, there is filth, squalor, and poverty.

That is the life for most people living here in the Philippines, and may take several generations to undo the damage we ourselves have brought upon the country. For if we have not remained apathetic and indifferent to the system, then we might have not found ourselves in the mess that we are in. If each and one of us asked, "What can I do for my motherland?", perhaps we would not find ourselves being apologetic for the ills and conditions of our society.

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My Tito was here for a scant two weeks or so, and most of the time, he was staying in Metro Manila. But Manila is not the Philippines, and the Philippines is definitely not Manila. Sure, Manila is just like any other big city in the world,: fast, rude, noisy, and polluted. However, if he only ventured out further than the city and its surrounding environs, he would've had a better grasp of what the country is all about. He would've experienced the serene white beaches, the breath-taking vistas of mountains and plains, and most especially the genuine character of the Filipino people. Tell me, who would not be charmed by generous hospitality offered to you in the countryside? Who would not be touched with if they share with you the meager resources they have? Who would not be charmed by the warm reception and the casual conversations you encounter in the provinces?

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I am lucky to have been around the world. I, too, am lucky to have gone around the Philippines.  My mom always said, "Wag maging dayuhan sa sariling bayan." She made sure I familiarized myself with my own country even before I stepped foot on foreign soil.  Too bad my Tito, in many instances, experienced the bad part of the proverbial two-sided coin.

So at the risk of sounding defiant, I will say it out say it aloud.

There is no place like the Philippines. I am proud to call it home.

Hell Hath No Fury Like an Eternal Wanderer Scorned

Two words, two syllables.

Fuck.

You! 

P.S. I wasn't suppose to bring this post out, but an early morning text that reminded about the whole snafu.  To say it made my blood curdle again is an understatement.

Grrrr >:(

Sala sa Init, Sala sa Ulan

Nung isang linggo, si Eternal Wanderer ay nagrereklamo sa panahon. Nababaliw na daw sya dahil ulan ng ulan. Mahirap na raw mabasa. Baka dumami pa. Nakakatakot yung thought!

Ngayong nakaraang araw, maaliwas naman. Tirik na tirik ang araw.

At heto na naman si Eternal Wanderer, nagrereklamo. Mainit daw. Naiirita syang lumabas dahil nanglalagkit daw sya sa pawis.

Hay naku, Eternal Wanderer, para kang bakla! Di makapakali sa isang desisyon. Napakareklamador!

Ano ba talaga ang gusto mo, maulan na panahon or maaliwas na araw?

Ay ewan ko sa yo. Sasayaw na nga lang ako!

- Azenith Briones