25 Random Things About Eternal Wanderer, Redux 2

13. Eternal Wanderer still cannot eat ampalaya, okra, saluyot, and alugbati. He has traumatic memories of being force-fed pinakbet and dinendeng when he was a kid, and for his life, will not touch the vegetables associated with those dishes within a mile. Except for kabalasa, sitaw, and occasionally, talong.

14. Spice is not the first taste of a long distance relationship for Eternal Wanderer. His first was actually with Carinderia Kid. Eternal Wanderer was based in Manila, Carinderia Kid was in Los Baños. And they met in the geekiest way ever possible: an e.b. for Advanced Dungeon and Dragons in Megamall.

15. Eternal Wanderer’s earliest memory of his Erpats was in the old International Airport before Erpats’ flight to Sweden for further film studies. But that was when Eternal Wanderer was about 5 yrs. old. Now he wonders, where could Erpat have been for the first 5 yrs. of Eternal Wanderer’s life?

16. Again, contrary to popular belief, Eternal Wanderer actually had a girlfriend for about a year. This was when he undergoing a sever phase of identity crisis. Good thing he snapped out of it.

17. He was addicted to chatting in the late, lamented G4m. Ting Ting Cojuangco kept on complaining that Eternal Wanderer was glued to the monitor for hours on end. But because of this, he found his tropa of Cubao Boy, Totoy Mola, and Glasses. Now, even Ting Ting Cojuangco hangs out with them, too.

18. His idea of a gimik with his tropa is dinner, coffee, and an occasional movie. They have frequent drinking sessions at his place, but since he doesn’t drink alcohol, he usually inebriates himself with Coke Zero.

19. Eternal Wanderer class-hopped in high school. He was a B-boy for two years, got moved to the regular I in 3rd year, and was still in an I class when he repeated his 3rd year. But he considers his repeated I as his real class. And yes, he still maintains his straight barkada from that class, too.

20. He first tasted American white meat in 1997, and European weissfleich in 2000. Nonetheless, he will prefer to eat adobo anytime over the imported variety.

21. He still keeps the rose a famous Italian soprano gave him from her bouquet when he had a snapshot taken with her after watching an opera in Hamburg. He wanted the underwear of the yummy, beefy, hunky Tenor as a souvenir, but that would’ve been too much to ask.

22. Eternal Wanderer has a tita who has been a tito for a good 30 years or so. Tito’s claim to fame is that he was the first Asian transsexual operated on. Eternal Wanderer still hasn’t mustered the courage to ask if Tito can get it up, though.

24. He flirted with the professional stage for a time. He did the usual rounds of auditions for various theatrical companies, and even managed to snag a big role in Tanghalang Pilipino. But he eventually returned to his first love: singing classical stuff.

24. Eternal Wanderer did a courtside announcer/commentator gig at the Shakey’s V-league. What he wants though, is to be a TV commentator for the volleyball games. Yes, he is that addicted to the sport.

25. With 49 things already written about him, Eternal Wanderer thinks he may have a tad overshared things about himself already hahahahahaha

Related Links:
25 Random Things About Eternal Wanderer, Redux 1
25 Random things about me, or how I succumbed to this meme

25 Random Things About Eternal Wanderer, Redux 1

1. Eternal Wanderer is a closet nerd. When he was in grade school he used to vie in those quiz bee shows on TV and in an assortment of national level quiz competitions. He was considered the resident expert in science and Philippine history in the team.

2. Contrary to popular belief, Eternal Wanderer is not an unico hijo. He actually had a younger brother, but the Anthony was born blue, and didn’t survive 3 minutes out of the womb. He would’ve turned 28 this year.

3. Eternal Wanderer has been to one of his dream cities: Moscow in Russia. He still wants to go to Athens, Cairo, Rio de Janeiro, and Buenos Aires though.

4. He used to dish out opera arias like it was nothing. Eternal Wanderer was even able to sing with the Philippine Philharmonic Orchestra at the CCP Main Theater as its soloist, doing an operatic duet with another soprano and a Filipino kundiman by his loneself. But nowadays, he fancies himself retired from that stuff. Even so, it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t listen to opera anymore. He loves to pump up the volume at 2 a.m. onwards, waking the whole household with Turandot , Tristan und Isolde, and Lucia di Lammermoor.

5. He never was a big fan of video games. However, he installed an Age of Mythology in his desktop, and found himself engrossed with it for 4 straight days.

6. Though he did a Tina Paner with Cris Villanueva, Eternal Wanderer considers Varsity Player his first true love. They got hot and heavy for about three years, till he was dumped for a girl that Varsity Player met in college. Eternal Wanderer opines that Varsity Player and he should’ve gone on to an all-boys college instead hahahaha

7. He wants to be a southpaw since it’s very useful when playing volleyball. Unfortunately, he was born right handed, and has to settle with what nature has given him.

8. Eternal Wanderer junked science in favor of math when he was in high school. But that was after he was almost kicked out of school. Good thing his teachers and school teacher saw fit to give him another chance. He repeated his 3rd year and did a 180 degree turn. At the end of high school, he was a mini-math geekzoid, and managed to get into the courses he wanted at the only two schools he applied for in college.

9. Between cake and ice cream, Eternal Wanderer would choose cake. But either isn’t really much of an option, because he has type-2 diabetes.

10. He is a jack of all trades. Since Eternal Wanderer loves trying to explore the how-to’s and workings of anything that catches his fancy, he is able to do a lot of eclectic stuff. From teaching a beginner to receive a volleyball serve correctly, to tinkering with the innards of a desktop, to examining the intricacies of a Beethoven sonata composition, name it, he can prolly do it. Or at least is very much willing to try it out.

11. Eternal Wanderer is a sucker. For sausages. The kielbasa and bratwurst kind, you dirty, dirty-minded reader you!

12. He started trying to drive around the tender age of 15. One particular night, he snuck out the new car and managed to bang it up into Lite Ace while reversing. Needless to say, he still didn’t have a student license at that time.

Related Links:
25 Random Things About Eternal Wanderer, Redux 2
25 Random things about me, or how I succumbed to this meme

Riding Out The Blues

Some days, you just wake up on the wrong side of the bed. You stand up, cranky and disoriented, wondering what you’re supposed to do when you suddenly realize that you’re late for an appointment. It’s a good thing the appointment is cancellable, so you manage to squeak yourself from this one. You sit yourself on the desktop, power it up on, and click on the internet browser.

Nothing happens. The internet is down.

Oh boy. It’s going to be a long, long day.

You try calling Spice, but he doesn’t pick up the phone. You get all the more irritated. You get so irritated that you junk the rest of your activities for the day, and just stay holed up in your room. The weather doesn’t help. Instead of being relieved from the awful heat, you get dispirited from the glum, overcast skies.
Misery loves company, and it’s just your luck that all you have is your miserable self as a companion.

The blues. Nothing to do but to ride it out.

Close Encounters of The Showbiz Kind 4

Masarap ang tulog ni Eternal Wanderer at ni Cubao Boy dahil malamig ang aircon ng kwartong tinulugan nila. 'Wag kayong malisyoso. Walang nangyari sa kanila dahil matalik silang magkaibigan. Bawal mag-sex ang mga matatalik na nagkaibigan kasi sila ay magkakalasunan, o matatamaan ng kidlat, o lalamunin ng lupa (hango sa mga karanasan ni Eternal Wanderer ang mga kasabihan na ito). Hindi rin sila pwede mag-sex dahil kasama nila si Erpats sa kwarto, at kung madatnan man silang gumagawa ng milagro ala Judiel ng Agoo e baka palayasin sila ng di oras ng ala-sais ng umaga.

Nagtungo si Eternal Wanderer at Cubao Boy sa set para mananghalian dahil medyo ginugutom na sila. Hindi pananghalian ang nadatnan nila. Isang pyestahan pala. Napagdesisyunan ng the-powers-that-be na minsan lang sa isang taon ang Easter kaya nagpahanda sila ng isang damukmok na pagkain. May lechon, menudo, rellenong bangus, bistek, inihaw na liempo, dinuguan, lechong manok, leche flan, at hinalay, este halaeyang ube. Nabusog ng husto si Eternal Wanderer at si Cubao Boy. Kaya hayun, nahiya sila magpa-picture kay Bobby Andrews, Epy Quizon, Rhian Ramos, Pinky Marquez, at Leo Martinez kasi napaka-unglamorous na bundat ang tyan sa ritatro. Pero itataya ni Eternal Wanderer ang pagkadonselya nya na pati rin yung mga artista ay nagsipagbundatan ang mga tyan dahil sa sarap ng pagkain. Nagka-evil thought si Eternal Wanderer: magkakasya pa kaya si Rhian Ramos sa corset nya pagkatapos nung lunch?

Nung bandang 2:30 ng hapon, napag-pasyahan ni Eternal Wanderer na hindi na nya hihintayin na palayasin pa sya ng Erpat nya. Hinatak nya si Cubao Boy (na kumokodak pa rin ng mga pictures ng dalampasigan. Hindi na nag-bother si Eternal Wanderer na i-check kung totoong scenery or scenery ulit ng mga katawan ang kinukuhang mga pics), at nagpaalam na sila kay Erpats. Ang sweet ng Erpats ni Eternal Wanderer. Inabutan pa sya ng pang-gas. Alam nya kasi na butas na ang bulsa ni Eternal Wanderer dahil kakagaling ng nito sa Ilocos. Si Eternal Wanderer naman, nagpakapal ng apog. Kahit may tira pa ring pera mura sa trip nya, e kinuha pa rin yung gas money. Sayang naman. Pang yosi din yon.

So ano naman ang punto ni Eternal Wanderer sa kanyang pagsalaysay sa (napakahabang) kwento tungkol sa pagbisita nya sa set ng Zorro? Wala naman. Natuwa lang sya dahil naka-spend sya ng quality time kasama ang Erpats nya. Natuwa din sya dahil napatuwa nya yung kanyang butihin (at kaladkarin, at kerenkeng) na kaibigan nyang si Cubao Boy. Ganun lang naman si Eternal Wanderer e. Madaling mapasaya sa mga simpleng bagay sa buhay.

Pero ito ang huling tanong ni Eternal Wanderer: so sino ang gusto sumama naman sa kanya pag bumalik sya sa set ng Zorro?

Related links:
Close Encounters of the Showbiz Kind 1
Close Encounters of the Showbiz Kind 2
Close Encounters of the Showbiz Kind 3

Close Encounters of The Showbiz Kind 3

Nung time na para kumain ng dinner, napaupo sa la mesa nila Eternal Wanderer at Cubao Boy si Chanda Romero at si Isabel Granada. Etchosera pala si Madame Chanda. Maraming kwento. Sobrang na star-struck si Cubao Boy. At sa sobrang pagka-star stuck nya, binalatan pa nya ng alimango si Madame Chanda. Napaka-galante naman ni Cubao Boy, ano? Si Isabel naman, very friendly (kaya first name-basis na sila ni Eternal Wanderer). Sya nag-introduce ng sarili nya sa kanila ni Cubao Boy, with matching shake hands pa. Sya din ang unang nag-greet sa kanila ng "Happy Easter!" pagkatapos nung misa na ginanap ng ala-una ng umaga.

Oo, marunong pa naman mag-simba si Eternal Wanderer at si Cubao Boy. Dahil hindi makapunta ang mga artista, staff, at crew sa simbahan para sa Easter Mass, e humanap sila ng pari with matching choir mula sa pinakamalapit na bayan para lang mag-misa sa may gazebo. Si Richard Gutierrez, nagtanggal ng kanyang Zorro costume at nag-attend din ng misa.

Bago pa man nag-umpisa ang service, e binulungan ni Erpats si Eternal Wanderer.

EWW: Hoy, kanta ka naman sa misa.
EW: E anong kakantahin ko?
EWW.: Kanta ka sa ending. Yung "Halellujah Chorus."
EW: Ano ka, sinuswerte? Hindi ko kaya kantahin ang soprano, alto, tenor, at bass parts na sabay-sabay! At kung kaya ko man yun gawin, e wala ring orchestra sa lalamunan ko para akompanyahan ako ano!

Pero di ba, boy scout si Eternal Wanderer? Hindi nya nakalimutan baunin ang kanyang I-touch (kelangan ba talagang sabihin na I-touch?) na may laman nang di lamang "Halellujah Chorus" kundi yung buong Handel's "Messiah." Nakita rin ni Eternal Wanderer na nagdidilim ang paningin ng Erpats nya dahil sa pasaway na sagot. Kaya minabuti na lang nya na makipag-compromise ng mabilisan.

Ang resulta? Naging sound technician si Eternal Wanderer, at inantabayanan na sabihin ng pari na "Tapos na ang misa" para patugtugin ang "Halellujah Chorus." Mas mabuti na yun kesa mapalayas sila ni Cubao Boy mula sa set ng alas-dos ng umaga, di ba?

Related links:
Close Encounters of the Showbiz Kind 1
Close Encounters of the Showbiz Kind 2
Close Encounters of the Showbiz Kind 4

Close Encounters of the Showbiz Kind 2

Nagandahan ng husto si Eternal Wanderer sa location set ng Zorro. Sabi ng Erpats nya, isang bilyonaryo ang may-ari nito. Sa 400 hektarya ng lupain na may kasamang beach at bundok, e isa-isang nililipat ng bilyonaro ang kanyang mga nabiling mga mansyong bahay na bato na kung saan-saang lupalop nanggaling. Gusto pa nga nung bilyonaryo bumili ng na-lahar na lumang simbahan. Ngunit nag-alburuto na yung mga taong bayan. Tinangay na nga yung mga lumang bahay sa mga bayan-bayanan nila, e pati pa ba simbahan, tatangayin din? Pero ayos na ayos yung lugar. Napa-"Que rico!" nga ng di oras si Eternal Wanderer at kung ano-anu pang phrases na Español (may baon syang Spanish phrase book para lang sa okasyon na yon) dahil sa tuwa nya.

At talagang napa-"Que rico!" si Eternal Wanderer nung nakita nya si TJ Trinidad nakasampa sa isang kabayo. Sa loob-loob nya, ninais nya na sana sya na lang ang naka-sampa kay Señor Trinidad. Ngunit di nya ito masabi ng malakas dahil baka palayasin sya ng kanyang Erpats sa set ng di oras. Aba, di pwede yon dahil balak pa nila ni Cubao Boy i-display ang mga sarili nila sa beach.

Nung medyo mababa na ang araw, pumunta na sa dalampasigan si Eternal Wanderer at Cubao Boy. Karay-karay ni Cubao Boy ang kanyang dlsr na may kabaguhan pa. Maganda yung sunset. Natuwa ang mokong. Click sya ng click ng mga pictures. May karamihan din ang tao sa beach. Biglang sinentro doon ni Cubao boy ang pagkuha ng ng mga ritrato. Nagtaka agad si Eternal Wanderer. Di naman nila kaano-ano yung mga tao, pero kodak ng kodak pa rin si Cubao Boy. Tinanong nya kung bakit nya pinagkukukuhanan yung mga tao. "A slice of life subjects," sabi ni Cubao Boy. Pero di naniwala si Eternal Wanderer. Agad nyang inagaw ang camera, ay excuse me, mamahaling dlsr mula sa mga kamay ni Cubao Boy. Sinilip yung mga pictures.

Puñeta.

Kaya naman pala. Ang pinagkukukuha pala ni Cubao Boy e yung katangi-tanging yumminess sa beach (in fairness, may kasarapan naman talaga). Jusme, at may inaalam pang slice of life subjects kuno. Napakalandi talaga ni Cubao Boy! Sa mga oras na yun, gusto ni Eternal Wanderer kurutin sa utong ang sutil na si Cubao Boy (in fairness din, may kagandahan naman ang katawan ni Cubao Boy). Kung alam lang ni Eternal Wanderer na ganun lang ang aatupagin sa beach ni Cubao Boy, e di sana hinagis nya ang butihin (at kaladkarin) ngunit kerengkeng na kaibigan nyang ito habang humaharurot sa NLEX ng 110 kph. Pero ititira yung dlsr, para si Eternal Wanderer na lang ang kukuha ng mga ritrato ni Yumminess para sa sarili nya.

Related links:
Close Encounters of the Showbiz Kind 1
Close Encounters of the Showbiz Kind 3
Close Encounters of the Showbiz Kind 4

Close Encounters of the Showbiz Kind 1

Si Eternal Wanderer ay nag-mistulang pusang gala (wandering pussy) nung Semana Santa. Sa sobrang kati nya, este, nung mga paa nya, ay nakaabot sya sa Ilocos nung Miyerkules, at bumaba ulit sya sa Maynila Biyernes ng gabi. Huminto pa nga sya ng byahe patunong hilaga para lang makapag-tanghalian kasama si Spice.

At sa mga nais makaalam, walang tantantining naganap kay Eternal Wanderer at Spice. Hello. Semana Santa kaya. Baka malatigo pa sila ng mga Moriones ng di oras.

Akala ni Eternal Wanderer nung nakabalik na sya sa Maynila ay tapos na ang kanyang pag-iiikot. Pero mali ang inakala nya.

Erpat ni Eternal Wanderer: Anong gagawin mo mamaya?
Eternal Wanderer: Wala naman. Pahinga siguro. Bakit?
EEW: Ipagmaneho mo ako. Sa Bataan.
EW: May ganun talaga? Teka, pwede bang mag-sama?
EEW: Sige. Kahit doon na kayo matulog.

Mabuti na lang isang butihing (at mas importante e kaladkaring) kaibigan si Cubao Boy. Sa loob ng 30 minutos ay nakaligo na sya't nasa bahay na ni Eternal Wanderer. Kaya hayun, wala pang 12 oras ang nakalipas e nasa NLEX na naman si Eternal Wanderer, nagmamaneho kasama ang kanyang humihilik na Erpat na nasa likod ng kotse, at ang butihin (at kaladkarin) nyang kaibigang si Cubao Boy na nasa harap namn na passenger seat. Inabot din sila ng 3 oras, pero nakaabot din sila sa kanilang destinasyon.

Sa location set ng Zorro.

Related links:
Close Encounters of the Showbiz Kind 2
Close Encounters of the Showbiz Kind 3
Close Encounters of the Showbiz Kind 4

The Rendezvous 2

The Rendezvouz 1

It was a hot and cloudless day. I alighted from the bus, momentarily blinded by the glaring sun beating mercilessly upon the landscape. It was an hour or two before he would be off for his lunch break, so I tried seeking refuge from the sweltering heat. At the corner was some inconspicuous internet shop. "Might as well check my e-mails and do some surfing," I said to myself. However, my weary-laden eyelids had other plans. I dozed off in front of the monitor almost as soon as I settled on the chair. It was a brief but deep sleep, punctuated by hazy dreams and veiled, half-remembered images. I woke up with a start, unsettled and slightly agitated because of the vagueness of what my subconscious was trying to communicate to me.

Shortly before 12 noon, I stood outside the building, puffing away on my fast-dwindling pack of cigarettes. The cell phone rang, and I picked it up. "I'm off. I'll be there in a few," he said. I put the handset down quickly, and anxiously scanned for him across the street.

Then, I saw him.

------

He was a vision in red shirt and dark blue jeans, his dark shades blindingly flashing in the brightness of the noontime sun.

I had to avert my gaze and close my eyes. It was as if that very moment encapsulated a glimpse into eternity. My soul flowed over, both with infinite ecstasy and with much profound sorrow.

When finally I opened my eyes, time was standing still. All that my heart could see was him slowly crossing the street, walking towards me, the Spice of Eternal Wanderer's life.

------

"Gutom ka na?," he said as soon as he came up to me. He was still flushed and flustered by the short walk in the heat, but he still managed to flash his bedimpled smile.

(Be still, my heart.)

"Oo. Dito na lang tayo kumain, para mabilis," I said.

(I can't breathe. No. I can. But the only thing I can breathe is the scent you are wearing. The scent that you left on the pillow when you last slept in my bed.)

The lunch proved to be uneventful. He was proudly showing off his new I-Phone, and I teased him that he probably loves it more than me. He playfully threw a paper napkin at me with the comment. I threw it back at him with a matching smile. I told him about the misadventure at the bus station. He was sympathetic about it, and said it was really like that during the holidays.

All small talk. Nothing earth-shaking, no soul-shattering revelations. He soon had to go back to the office, and I, too, had to continue on with my journey. But in that fleeting hour spent together, I realized something.

270 kilometers and 6 hours are all but numbers.

They mean nothing to the heart.

And yes, for him, I still will go the distance.

More Midnight Tales

The Rendezvous 1

It was a bitch trying to get on a bus last Holy Wednesday. I found myself at the station around 1230am, hoping that the crowd would've thinned out by then. But no. It seemed that every minute, people would be coming in like uninvited guests to a fabulous party (how there'd be a fabulous party at a bus station is anybody's guess). The disheveled serving counter handed me out a number written on some crappy scratch paper: number 552. I kindly asked what number was being served, and I got a curt reply: number 346. Then I asked what time would I probably get on a bus. I got an even more curt reply: around 2:30 a.m. All I could do was sigh, and find a spot where I could either puff away till kingdom come, or wait till someone gassed everyone (I, the bus driver, and the conductor not included) so I could have next bus that was about to leave all to myself.

2:30 a.m. came and went without whatsoever sign of a ticket being handed over to me. At around 3:30 a.m., people started to get extremely restless. Well, that's putting it mildly. More accurately, it was more like the ticketing counter had a revolt on their hands. Some granny was loudly complaining that she had been waiting since 12 midnight, and she still hadn't been served yet. The whole crowd started backing up her arguments. Poor ticketing girl fled her counter, and some burly guy took over, barking out the serving numbers one by one. Granny got issued her tickets. So did I. Unfortunately, the rest of the people soon after me ran out of luck. Spaces were already filled, and they had to wait again till more buses arrived. That part of their Calvary still continued. I had to face a new one: a 10 hour or so trip on a bus, beside a fellow stranger, on the unending expanse leading up north.

------

But all the harassment was worth it.

Because I got to see Spice.

The Rendezvous 2

Eternal Wanderer Has Decided To Meander Somewhere

Taking time off for the season.

Will be back soon...I hope.

Teehee

Tina Paner, Isdatchu? 3

Tina Paner, Isdatchu? 2

Nung hapon ding yun, inantay ko syang matapos mag-basketball. Takip-silim na at mukhang uulan nung matapos ang kanyang laro. Since sarado na ang classroom, doon ako sa bench sa labas tumambay. Naabutan nya kong nakaupo sa bench nung dumating sya.

"Are you done na?"

"Yeah, I'm tired na nga eh. Do you still have water in your Coleman? I'm really thirsty."

Boy Scout ako. Laging handa. Malamig na malamig ang tubig sa Coleman kasi singurado kong humingi ng ice sa cafeteria nung hapon pa lang. Alam ko kasing uuhawin sya.

Nakatayo sya sa harap ko habang nilaklaklak nya yung tubig. Sumimple ako.

"I read what you wrote in the book."

Hindi sya umimik. Tuloy pa rin ang inom nya.

Mabilis na dumidilim na sa paligid namin. Nasa dulo ng 2nd year wing yung classroom namin, at sa tapat nya ay may isang malaking pond. Sa tabi naman ay puno-punuan at talahiban na. Kami na lang ang tao sa wing na yun.

"I love you, too." sabi ko.

Napatigil sya sa pag-inom. Binaba ang Coleman. Tumitig sya sa akin. Diretso sa mga mata ko.

Nag-umpisa ng umambon. At nag-umpisang mag-ingay ang mga palaka't kuliglig.

Nilapit nya ang kanyang mukha sa mukha ko. Napapikit sya. Ako rin napapikit.

At sa gitna ng ingay na pumapatak na ambon sa bubong, sa mga kumokokak na palaka't nag-iingay na kuliglig, si Tina Paner a.k.a. Eternal Wanderer ay nakaranas ng tamis ng unang halik mula sa kanyang Cris Villnueva.

Romantic na romantic ba ang pakiramdam ko nun? Hindi masyado. Panira yung mga kokak ng palaka't maiingay na kuliglig. Namomoblema din ako nun kung paano ako uuwi kasi wala akong payong. And worse, si Cris Villanueva na nagbasketball buong hapon ay nangangamoy pawis na.

Pero ang unang halik ay unang halik. Totoo pala yun. Kahit na marami nang taon (at halik, at kung anu-ano pa) ang nakalipas, nakaukit pa rin sa gunita ang katamisan nito.

Cris Villanueva, kung nasaan ka man ngayon, leche ka. Napabayad pa ako ng fine nung saulian ng schoolbooks nung end of the school year dahil sa sinulat mong "I love you" sa biology book ko. Destruction of school property daw, sabi nung counter checker. Pero salamat na rin. Dahil sa 'yo, sa munting saglit na iyon, ako'y nagmistulang isang Tina Paner, at napakanta ng 'di oras nito:

P.S. Please feel free to sing-along. May lyrics na provided pa yung video! Hihihihihi

Tina Paner, Isdatchu? 2

Tina Paner, Isdatchu? 1

Tinignan ko sya. Sa mata nya muna na kumikindat. Sa bibig nyang ngumingisi. At dahan-dahang ibinaba ang paningin ko patungo sa kamay nyang nakahawak sa kanyang crotch. Tinaas nya ang sports shirt nya't binuksan ang zipper. Dinukot ang nasa loob ng brief.

Susmariosep! Tumumbad ang buong glorya (malamang naman)! Hindi ko alam kung ang isisigaw ko ay "Halellujah!" o "Saklolo! Tulungan nyo! Hino-hold up ako!" dahil nakatutok ito sa harapan ko at tila yatang gustong i-heist ang pagkadonselya ko.

Natulala ako. Ngayon lang ako nakakita ng naghuhumindig na live na junjun (actually hindi, pero ibang istorya na yun). Kunwari ay na-shock ako't hinagis ko sa kanya yung pad paper na dala-dala ko. Dali-dali akong lumabas ng banyo sabay sabi ng "Heh! Ang bastos mo!"

Bumalik ako sa classroom na hinihingal at pinapawisan. Hot and bothered kung baga. Ang gago, pumasok sa classroom nakingiti't sabay halik sa ere sa akin. Pero di ba, sabi ko sa inyo, pakipot ako? So hayun, hindi kinausap ng nagmamaria clarang Eternal Wanderer si Cris Villanueva buong linggo. May mga linya pa akong "I don't want to have anything to do with you. You're a pervert." habang masugid na nagsosorry't nanglalambing sya. Pero mabait naman ako na tao (hanggang ngayon. At totoo yon a). Nang maglaon, tinanggap ko ulit sya sa buhay ko. Happy-happy at balik sa routine namin na haharutin nya ako at ako naman ay nagreresist sa kanya.

Nung 2nd year namin, nag-graduate kami sa sige-na/ayoko-nga na routine. Madalas na syang tumatawag sa akin. Halos gabi-gabi e nagtetelebabad kami ng kung anu-ano kahit na buong araw e magkasama kami sa class. One time, humiram sya sa akin ng schoolbook. Pagbalik nito the next day, may nakasulat na sa likod ng title page.

I love you.

Buti na lang, marami akong hairpin na baon nung araw na yon. Kundi, siguro naapakan na ng mga clasmmates at teachers ko ang buhok ko na nag-uumapaw sa haba mula sa bunbunan ko hanggang sa pintuan ng classroom namin.

Tina Paner, Isdatchu? 3

Tina Paner, Isdatchu? 1

Nagrereklamo si Dabo. Ayon sa kanya, nosebleed daw sya palagi pag nagbabasa sa blog ko. Si Herbs din, kahit na masugid na binabasa ang mga posts ko, e sumuko na rin. Dinugo na sya sa huling sinulat ko. So sige, para maiba naman, magkukwento na lang ako.

At ano naman daw ang ikukwento ko?

Ikukwento ko experience nang tamis ng unang halik ko.

Ahihihihihihi

Makulit si Cris Villanueva. Hindi katangkaran, pero cute at charming. At may pagkamanyakis. Kaklase ko sya nung h.s. sa isang paaralang puro mga lalaki (at nagdadalagang mga badidangs). Palagi nya akong pinipilyuhan sa bawat pagkakataon. Ako naman, pakipot. Maniwala man kayo o hindi, pinalaki ako ni Daisy Romualdez na conservative (hanggang ngayon conservative pa rin ako...oy walang aangal, pwede?) Kaya ang bawat kulit nya sa akin ay sinasagot ko ng "Ano ba, hindi ako bading." o kaya "Pwede ba, can you study na nga lang? We have a quizz kaya later." Nalitanya ko na yata lahat ng rason na pwedeng itabla ko sa kanya para lang lubayan ako. Hindi ko pinapahalata, pero ang totoo nyan e gustong gusto ko naman ang kanyang ginagawa.

Minsan, nung 1st year kami, niyaya nya ako pumunta sa banyo. Sabi nya, may ipapakita daw sya sa akin. Kunwari wala akong kamalay-may kung ano yun (kahit may nasusulyap na ako sa may bulsa ng pantalon nyang isang bagay na sigurado akong hindi lapis, ballpen, o pentel pen). Sabi ko, "What are you going to show ba?" Potah, pa-sweet and innocent effect pa talaga. Bumulong sa akin si Cris Villanueva ng malagkit, "Basta. Just go to the c.r. Doon sa may library a. Go ahead muna para walang makahalata." Nag-blush ako, at umiling na patungo. Kunwari ayaw, pero nagkandarapa ang mga paa na dalhin ako sa nasabing banyo.

Tumitingin ako sa salamin nung pumasok sya sa c.r. Hindi na sya nag-aksaya ng panahon. Sabi nya, "Eto o. Ito ang ipapakita ko sa iyo."

Tina Paner, Isdatchu? 2

Que nous avons, c'est une farce ou une comédie ?

This is for you.

I hope you take time to read and listen to the lyrics.

Sung by Sumi Jo, one of my favorite coloratura sopranos.

Three Questions

When will the moment come when you say, "Enough is enough?"

How is it that your heart hopes against hope that things will turn out differently?

Why do you even love?


The mind is absolutely resolute, but the soul is delusive in its refusal to heed what is. It conveniently re-interprets reality by awashing itself with the fleeting moments of happiness.

The sands of time are running out fast. Thoughts and emotions implode with impetous momentum. Collision of the Id and the Super-Ego seeks an inevitable resolution in the Ego. Even as the words are written down, the anima and the animus rage a furious battle within me.

Soon, I shall I have to make stand.

Soon.

I thank You God for this most amazing day (ee cummings)

The cool, overcast weather Tuesday afternoon came as a much-welcome respite from the unrelenting heat that has been besieging the city these past few weeks. It was a particularly languid afternoon, so I decided to sit by the veranda and watch the fine drops of rain fall gently from the grey heavens. "Now this is the good life," I said to myself. No unnecessary worries cluttering the mind, and enough downtime to linger and appreciate the fleeting moment that is the now and here.

Yes, I have a good life. A roof exists over my head, and my body is nourished by food at least three times a day. I have a quiet but caring father, and a mother who, despite our physical distance, loves her only son. My friends are constantly by side, supporting me through whatever endeavors I chose to undergo. Despite the seething emotional turbulence that has been rocking my world, I know I am firmly behind the reigns of my being, the captain of my own ship. And yes, I even have Spice, who has made me realize that I still have a heart that knows how to love with all truth and honesty.

Yes, I have a good life. I am truly grateful for it.

Take a Silly Online Test, Get a Silly Answer

I picked up this what-tarot-card-are-you test in Jay Vee's blog, and I thought it would be an amusing diversion.

So what was the result?

Here it is:

You are The Lovers

Motive, power, and action, arising from Inspiration and Impulse.

The Lovers represents intuition and inspiration. Very often a choice needs to be made.

Originally, this card was called just LOVE. And that's actually more apt than "Lovers." Love follows in this sequence of growth and maturity. And, coming after the Emperor, who is about control, it is a radical change in perspective. LOVE is a force that makes you choose and decide for reasons you often can't understand; it makes you surrender control to a higher power. And that is what this card is all about. Finding something or someone who is so much a part of yourself, so perfectly attuned to you and you to them, that you cannot, dare not resist. This card indicates that the you have or will come across a person, career, challenge or thing that you will fall in love with. You will know instinctively that you must have this, even if it means diverging from your chosen path. No matter the difficulties, without it you will never be complete.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

me: Awwwww, that's so sweet. And romantic, too. I bet this pertains to Spice (giggles)!

ME: (snorts) You're over-reading things. It's just a fuckin' silly online test. And the answer is the grossest thing possible. I wanna throw up, I swear.

me: Teehee (winks at Me).

A Wonderful Fairytale (Parental Guidance Advised)

Now children, it's almost time for bed. Make sure you brush your teeth really well, and when you're tucked in your beds, I shall tell you a wonderful fairytale (filled with torrid lust, bodily fluids, and steamy sex).

Once upon time, in the kingdom of Lobbylandia, a prince was minding his own god-dammned business, when suddenly, he spied from his window a most handsome knight in shining armor passing by. He already had an assortment of knights, knaves, and squires in the past, but Prince was particularly enamored with Most Handsome Knight (prolly because Prince looked at Most Handsome Knight using his one-eyed monster). So, Prince said "Pssst!" to Most Handsome Knight (Prince is Filipino, after all), and Most Handsome Knight momentarily stopped and responded with a smile and a wink (and with matching licking of his upper lip). From that very moment, Prince knew that he wanted Most Handsome Knight. Prince did everything in his power to get Most Handsome Knight's attention. He even journeyed alone for several hours through several kingdoms (and several smelly comfort rooms) just to see Most Handsome Knight. And guess what, children? Most Handsome Knight went back with Prince to his palace , where they spent several wonderful days together (what they did is none of your business, children).

Alas, not everything was nice and spice in the kingdom of Lobbylandia. There were really mean, and really wicked witches who got in between Prince and Most Handsome Knight. And because of these evil witches, Most Handsome Knight got mad at Prince and did not speak for him for a long, long time. Prince thought he lost his Most Handsome Knight forever, but because hope springs eternal, Prince was rewarded for his patience (and emo-ness). Lo and behold, Handsome Knight eventually lifted his cloak of (YM) invisibility and revealed himself to Prince! Prince was overjoyed (and almost creamed in his britches) when Most Handsome Knight said "I shall go to your Palace once again, my Prince."

Now, Most Handsome Knight is sleeping once again in the Prince's boudoir (yes, children, Prince has a boudoir. Don't ask why because it's impolite to do so.) Prince cannot sleep (because of a good dose of cappuccino and sex-induced endorphins), so he decides to tell this tale to the children. And since this is the end of the tale (but remember, abangan ang susunod na kabanata), make sure you all get a good night's rest, and please, Prince does not recommend touching yourself inappropriately. You might get the curse of the hairy palms.

P.S. Children, you might be wondering where all the torrid lust, bodily fluids, and steamy sex are in the story. Prince says, "Excuse me, kung gusto nyo ng ganun, bumili kayo ng Abante at Tik-Tik!"

Postscripts from the Edge of YM

From a YM transcript

Eternal Wanderer: hi spice
EW: musta ka na?
Spice: EW i dont need further explanation from u
EW: no explantions forthcoming from me
EW: i just wanted to say hi and see how your doing
S: am tryin to be feelin good again
S: am tryin to gain friends again
EW: how did your exams last sat go?
S: am tryin to be ok EW after ng nangyari
S: exams?diko alam kung may naipasa..bahala na.
EW: i'm sorry if i hurt you. there was no malice involved. the last thing i wanted to do was for you to end up feeling that way
S: nangyari na lahat EW
S: nasira na kung sino ang nasira
EW: yes. and honestly, even if i don't know where it all started, i still accept command responsibility for it. and i bear the consequences of having lost you with a very heavy heart

End of conversation.

Can this be considered some kind of closure? I don't know. You tell me.

Kung Paano Nagkagulo at Nataranta Ang Mga Bakla na Tiga-UP, Ateneo, at DLSU 3

Kung Paano Nagkagulo at Nataranta Ang Mga Bakla na Tiga-UP, Ateneo, at DLSU 2

Makalipas siguro ng 3 oras, e dumating yung mga kaibigan namin na tiga-Ateneo.

ADMU1: (mabilis ang mata. daig pa ang agila) Ay shet! Ang gwapo ng waiter!
EW: Shhhh. Isa ka pang balahura. Parang di ka Atenista.
ADMU1: E ano naman ang kinalaman ng pagiging Atenista ko sa kagwapuhan nya?

Oo nga naman. May point din sya.

Matapos siguro ang isa pang oras, at isa pang round ng kape, e kami na lang ang natira sa restaurant. Lumabas si Adonis, karay-karay ang bill. Ibinigay nya ito sa akin.

Adonis: Sir, pasensya na a. Magsasara na kasi ang cashier.
EW: Ay ganun ba? (tingin sa bill) Kooyah, ang mahal naman ng bill namin. Walang bang discount dyan?
Adonis: Sir naman, mapagbiro kayo a (sabay ngiti).
EW: (smiles back at Adonis, sabay hiss sa mga kasamahan sa table) Hoy kayo, magsipagbayad nga kayo ng kinain nyo. Baka mamaya si Adonis pa ang maghugas ng pinggan nyan ng di oras pag di kayo nagbayad.

Dali dali naman nilabas ng mga bakla ang kanilang mga wallet at nagkaambagan na para sa bill. Pero bago umalis si Adonis, di ko matiis magtanong.

EW: Kooyah, pwede pa pang tumambay dito?
Adonis: Sure, walang problem po sir. Maglilinis pa kami naman sa loob e.
EW: Uy, super thanks talaga a (smile ulit)

So ayun, sa kalagitnaan ng kwentuhan at tawanan ay pinanood namin si Adonis at yung mga kasamahan nyang mag-ayos ng mga kagamitan sa loob ng Via Mare. Pero napatahimik ang mga tao ulit. Pati ako napatahimik.

Sa loob. Si Adonis. Nagtanggal ng polo. Nakasando na lang. At hubog na hubog ang katawan.

Sa sobrang bilis ng pagtahimik namin e narinig na siguro ang mga kuliglig sa Shang Mall (kung meron man). Siguro may ilang segundo ang nakalipas bago may nagsalita. O mas accurately, may tumili.

UP1: Sheeeeeeeeeet! Nakasando syaaaaaa!!! (Hello. Do we state the obvious?)

Hayun. Patay. Para na kaming mga nakawala sa hawla. Puro OMG, shet, at kung ano ano pang explitives at expressions ng kaligayahan bordering on orgasm ang narinig sa amin. Naasiwa na nga si Straight Guy, at muntikan ng mag-walk out sa mga nagkakagulong mga bading. At oo, siguro tumambay pa kami ng 30 more minutes para lang makita ang isang napaka-gwapo at makisig na waiter na nakasando lang na mag-ayos nga mga la mesa at silya sa loob ng Via Mare ng 1 ng umaga. Needless to say, nag-iwan kami ng malaki-laking tip kay Adonis dahil sa kaligayahang naidulot nya.

Na-miss ko na kayo. Kahit hiwa-hiwalay na tayo't iba sa inyo'y nasa ibang bansa na, e natatawa pa rin ako sa ala-alang ito na kung paano nagkagulo at nataranta ang isang grupo ng mga bading na galing UP, Ateneo, at DLSU.

Sa mga natitira pa dito, mag-dinner at kape tayo soon. Balita ko may mga gwapong waiter sa Serendra.

Wahahahahahahahaha.

Please Help Me Sleep?

Arrrrrgh, it's almost 9:30 a.m., and I haven't slept a wink!

Damn, you caffeine! And damn that darned teleserye taping! I couldn't sleep with all the noise and lights around even if I wanted to.

Kung Paano Nagkagulo at Nataranta Ang Mga Bakla na Tiga-UP, Ateneo, at DLSU 2

Kung Paano Nagkagulo at Nataranta Ang Mga Bakla na Tiga-UP, Ateneo, at DLSU 1

Nyeta. Kaya pala tumahimik ang mga bakla. Hindi waiter ang kumukuha ng order namin. Si Adonis pala. Shet, walang stir. ANG GWAPO NYA. Halos kumikintab sa kaputian ang manly at finely chiseled face nya. Siguro, pwera showbiz people, e isa na sya sa pinaka-gwapong pinoy na nakita ko.

EW: Ah...uhmm...eh..isang...ewan ko, ano bang masarap dito? (oo, alam ko, style ko bulok)

Adonis: Sir, try nyo po yung binagoongang baboy. O kaya yung litsong kawali.

EW: Ganun ba? Ah...uhmmm...sige, binagoongan na lang.

Adonis: Drinks, sir?

EW: (ayaw magpahalata kaya minadali na ang sagot) Coke light na lang. Thanks ha (sabay ngiti).

Inikot ni Adonis ang la mesa namin, at kinuha nya ang order ng bawat isa. Mabait at magaling syang waiter. Inaccomodate nya lahat ng mga tanong ng grupo namin tungkol sa mga pagkain, kung ano ang masarap, kung ano ang rinerecommend nya, etc. Ang dapat sigurong 3 minuto na pagkuha ng order e halos inabot na 10 minuto. Papasok na si Adonis sa loob nung biglang kinaway ko sya.

Adonis: Yes, sir?

EW: Kooyah, pahingi namang cold na tubig. At saka ashtray please? (ngiti ulit) Thanks ha (oo, marunong akong magpasalamat sa mga requests ko).

Tuluyan nang pumasok si Adonis sa loob ng restaurant.

UP2: Malandi ka.

UP1: Isa kang pokpok. Mas makati ka pa sa dikya.

Straight Guy: Ay nako EW, napaglumaan na yung style mo.

EW: Anobakayo? Masama bang mag-please, ngumiti, at mag-thank you?

Tinignanan ako ng masama ni UP3 (na may halong panghuhusga at inggit, i'm sure) at napahagikhik na lang si DLSU.

Masarap ang pagkain. Masarap din ang kwentuhan. At masarap din si Adonis. Ngayon ko lang natikman yung puto bumbong ng Via Mare, bibingka, sago't gulaman, at kung ano-ano pang pagkain na inorder namin isa-isa para lang may excuse na pumunta si Adonis sa la mesa namin. Di pa bilang dyan yung mga pa-refill refill ng tubig once in a while. Buti na lang di nya naiisipang iwanan na lang ang pitsel ng tubig sa amin. Pati kape, pinatos na namin doon.

Kung Paano Nagkagulo at Nataranta Ang Mga Bakla na Tiga-UP, Ateneo, at DLSU 3

Kung Paano Nagkagulo at Nataranta Ang Mga Bakla na Tiga-UP, Ateneo, at DLSU 1

Meron akong kabarkada dati na isang grupo ng mga bading na tiga-UP, Ateneo, at DLSU. Actually, different sets of friends ko sila, pero mabuti na lang naipaghalo ko rin sila eventually (menos gastos at oras). Madalas, ang ideya namin ng gimik ay tipong dinner tapos kape kung saan saan. Minsan, kung naayos namin ang aming mga schedules, e nagtatago kami sa Laguna kung saan meron rest house yung kaisa-isang straight guy sa grupo namin (wag nyo nang tanugin kung bakit sya nasama sa amin. Sabihin na lang natin sya yung token na straight stag ng grupo).

Hindi ko alam kung bakit, pero isang gabi napagkasunduan namin na tumambay sa Shang Mall. Kakatapos lang namin ng ensayo, at medyo may kagutuman na ang mga tao. Hindi naman kami pihikan talaga kung saan at ano (at sino) ang kakainin namin, pero ang numero unong requirement e dapat may smoking area. So, sa madaling salita, napadpad kami sa Via Mare, at doon kami naupo sa kinalalagyan ng mga pugon.

UP1: Waiteeeeeeer! Ang menu!!! Gutom na kami.
Eternal Wanderer: Wag ka ngang balahura. Napaghahalataan ang pagiging palengkera mo.
UP1: E ano ngayon? E sa gutom na ako e!

Dali-dali lumabas yung isang waiter at binigyan kami ng menu. May mga ilang minutong nakalipas, at habang tumitingin ako sa mga nakalistang pagkain, e narinig kong may lumapit na waiter. Tumahimik ang mga bakla, pero nakatingin pa rin ako sa menu.

Waiter: Sir, can I take your order?
EW: Sure...can I have (sabay tingin sa waiter)...

Kung Paano Nagkagulo at Nataranta Ang Mga Bakla na Tiga-UP, Ateneo, at DLSU 2

Day 4 a.k.a. The Epilogue

I
There are four classical Greek elements: earth, wind, fire, and water.
North, south, east, and west stand watch over the four corners of the earth.
The number four and the word "death" sounds the same in Japanese, Chinese, and Korean.
L-O-V-E is a four-lettered word.

II

Friday night I spent with the Ateneo people somewhere in Loyola Grand Villas. It was a breakfast-themed party, and being thkuripotpeeps that were are, Ting Ting Cojuangco brought a pancake mix, and I brought the leftover pancake syrup in the ref (note to self: please take out the syrup in the car. Dabo's roaches might take a fancy to it). Come to think of it, we shouldn't have bothered since there was a yummy breakfast buffet laid out consisting of champorado, crispy tuyo, sauteed corned beef, a Provençal omelette(ting alert!)...you get the picture. Wine and vodka had started to work on the people when we arrived, so tongues were loose and Despedida was being grilled about her dating with Famous Director. And do you actually think I got spared from being slathered with barbeque sauce on the roasting pit? Of course not. So I told them a little story. A little story of love found and love lost, and a heart that was rediscovered. All amidst good laughter, hearty food, and long-time loving friends I call family.

Saturday afternoon, I attended the wedding of a batch mate of mine in the Madz. Though I've sung at countless weddings in that church, attending a ceremony of a friend somehow cast the place in a totally different light. The bride, Lead Soprano, sang her wedding vows to her groom. I'm not one to really indulge in shtick sentimentality, but I found myself teary-eyed when her sweet voice was soaring in the song. Later on at the reception, in between bites from the Bizu-catered ulam and desserts (note to self: Go back to Bizu and get that 10 hr. slow-roasted beef belly thing), an odd thought popped in my head. Is it coincidental, or am I just finding myself spending time with people in my life who really matter, those who have loved me and I have loved in return?

III

Tonight, I spent dinner and coffee with my best buddies from the late and lamented G4M. Cubao Boy treated the gang, and almost everyone was there, save for Man4Boys and m.i.a Scorpion King. If anything good came out of that website, it's these guys. We may have known each other for just over a year (some even less), but already have shared considerable quality time with each other. And yes guys, I am proud to call you my friends, just as much, I hope, that you are proud to have me as a friend.

IV

It has been four days since Spice last communicated with me.

But I am okay.

No, really.

I am.

No tears, no bitterness in here whatsoever. The human heart, despite its being weary and battle-scarred, is resilient after all.

Happiness, however fleeting, was granted to me. I never thought I'd be happy again in this aspect of my life. Thank you, Spice, for showing me that I still could still love romantically, in a true, good, honest, and real fashion. The heart, which I thought was lost and long-dead, has been found once again.

And thank you, too, my friends, for being there for me when I was at the bottom of the barrel. You keep me grounded when I need to be and you fan the spark of my being. You are the compass of my life, pointing the way that is true and real. I was right all along to invest in you. Romantic relationships come and go, but you will always be part of my life.

I love you guys. And that comes straight from here, from my heart.

Ikatlong Araw

Alam kong mababasa mo itong aking isususlat, kaya't hayaan mong ilahad ko kung ano aking nararamdaman sa saglit na ito.

Hindi ko maintindihan bakit mo piniling paniwalaan ang mga ibang tao kaysa sa akin. At lubusang hindi ko rin maintindihan bakit mo pinipiling putulin ako sa bahay mo ng ganito. Ni ha, ni ho, walang kang sinagot sa aking mga tawag, texts, at mga ym. Kung ano man ang meron tayo, hindi mo ba ito kayang ipaglaban? Sa ganito bang paraan magwawakas ang ating kabanata?

Oo, masama ang loob ko dahil ayaw mong makipag-usap sa akin nang matino. Hindi ako sanay sa ganito . Pinalaki ako ng aking mga magulang na makipagtustusan ng matiwasay at makipag-usap ng mahinahon. Kaya hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit mayroong mga taong ayaw makipag-ayusan sa ganitong pamamaraan. Hindi na tayo bata para magkasumbatan ng mga maanghang na salita at manadya ng mga masasakit ng gawain upang makahanap ng lunas sa ganitong mga pangyayari.

Sa mga sandaling ito, galit at poot ang nananig sa aking kalooban. Galit ako sa sarili ko dahil binuksan ko muli ang aking sarili sa iyo't ipinasang-tabi ang mga babala sa akin. Galit ako sa sarili ko dahil nagpakatanga ako't pinaniwalaan ang iyong mga binitiwang salita ng pagmamahal. Galit ako sa sarili ko dahil nagpakasasa ako sa mga damdaming matagal ko ng tinago't sinupil. At higit sa lahat, galit ako sa sarili ko dahil hinayaan kong umiral ang puso't damdamin bago ang utak. Ito ang pinakamalaking kasalanan ko sa aking sarili, at ngayon, binagbabayaran ko ito.

Hindi ko na alam kung ano ang mangayayri sa atin. Ito na ba ang katapusan ng maikling kwento natin, o mayroon pa bang kataga ito? Ito lang ang alam ko: minahal kita, at minahal kita ng hitik sa lubos at pagkatotoo. Hindi bahay-bahayan, hindi panandaliang aliw, hindi isang laro ang ginawa ko sa iyo. At kung may mabuting kinalabasan ang lahat nang mga pangyayari, malamang ay ito na 'yon: na naging tunay ako sa iyo, at sa muling pagtingin, ay naging tunay din ako sa sarili ko.

Self-conversations 3

me: So...what's been up with you?

Me: (continues reading the newspaper) None of your business. But we all know why you're asking. You want to talk about Spice, no?

me: Of course not! I am genuinely concerned about you, you know...

Me: Mhmmm.

me: I think I love Spice.

Me: Mhmmm. See, I was right. You did want to talk about Spice.

me: (grins sheepishly) Uhmm. Yeah?

Me: Here's the thing (looks up from the newspaper). I still don't get it. Why Spice?

me: I don't know. It's crazy and illogical. But I'm tired of being rational. All my life, I've always tried to control my emotions. Now I have the chance, I just want to let go...(pauses) You know what, someone messaged me in Facebook. She read my status message and said that she hopes I get to smile everyday. Dammit, I just realized, I had forgotten to smile everyday. But now I'm slowly re-learning it, thanks to Spice.

Me: Ugh. That's gross and sappy. You make me sick (puts a finger in his mouth and feigns a gagging action). I want to puke.

me: Aaaaaw, you love me. You really, really love me (hugs Me, and skips away while whistling).

Me: (shakes his head and sighs) Here's for you, kiddo. I hope you'll be happy this time around. (puts out the almost-consumed cigarette in the ashtray) I really do.

Day 2

"Ho tante cose che ti voglio dire, o una sola,
ma grande come il mare, come il mare profunda ed infinita:
sei il mio amor e tutta la mia vita."

"I have so many things to tell you, or rather only one,
but it is as huge as the ocean, as deep and as infinite as the sea:
you are my love and my whole life."

- Puccini's La bohème

Dear Beb,

As the minutes slowly march towards the inevitable breaking of day, I beseech the cruel sun not to rise upon the east and herald the moment of your departing. Just you lay upon my bed in fitful slumber, so is my heart restless within me. The sweet murmurs, the barbed exchanges, the gentle ministrations, the searing passion, all I already pine for. And yet as I despair, it is these fleeting moments of tormentous bliss that give fuel to the hope that time and distance will be gentle to us, and that soon, we shall once again be in each others' loving arms.

I do not question the machinations of fate that has brought you into my life. Nor do I question the constraining hurdles that have prevented us from joining our lives together. All I know is that I answer to my soul's eternal wandering that has traveled the weary road, the meandering path which has eventually lead to you.

You are my heart's refuge, and my soul seeks to commence its restless journey within you.

I love you.

Titi, Puki, and Kantot: Unbeing Politically Correct in the Matters of Sex, Filipino style

The Filipino’s penchant for giving monikers to the sexual organs and acts has long been a source of amusement for me. This state of being politically correct sometimes borders on the verge of ridiculousness. I mean, shouldn’t the words titi, puke, and kantot be equally valid for usage as with the words pagkalalaki, pagkababae, and pagtatalik? The first three terms, when uttered, seems outright coarse and vulgar to most Filipinos. On the other hand, the last three terms are so downright sugar coated that whenever I hear it used, I can’t help but snicker politely, roll my eyes, and promptly go into a diabetic fit. A lot of Filipinos can’t seem, or are unwilling to discuss sex without feeling the slightest hint of discomfiture along with the requisite squirming in their seats. It’s as if we’d rather discuss the state of the weather rather than face the fact that people have sexual organs, and that yes, Virginia, they do use those organs to do sexual acts.

It’s so easy to point a finger at the restrictive Spanish friar brand of Catholicism as the source of the subjugated Filipino sexual psyche. For three hundred years, this particular school of stuffy and straight-laced religiosity was rammed down our throats that the repression is so well-ingrained in our ways and minds. Take for example, that exquisite moment when sex is brought up as a topic at a family dinner (or for that matter, any social gathering.) Chances are, it will either be contextualized as a humorous anecdote (read: a dirty joke), or be oughtright glossed-over and ignored (with the requisite embarrassed silence – subtext: next topic, please.) Embarrassment amidst humor, and humor amidst embarrassment: the perfect coping device when one isn’t really prepared to accept some realities in life.

Another glaring example of the Filipinos’ long-standing repression with sexual matters is the euphemisms used to address the sexual organs. Our formative years are peppered with experiences with how our elders awkwardly referred to the penis and vagina. I’m willing to bet on the fact that while growing up, Filipinos have been told by their parents to make pagpag his birdie after peeing or wash her flower before sleeping at least once in his or her life. It is this prudish (not to mention absurd) adult behavior that germinates the idea in children that the penis and the vagina is something that is impolite and improper to talk about. Worse even is the birds-and-the-bees talk at the onset of puberty. Filipino parents rarely educate their children about sexual concerns at home. If it is done at all, it is mostly conducted in an atmosphere filled with unease and discomfort (with matching euphemistic terminologies). This in turn, communicates to the soon-to-be teenager that sex is something to be ashamed about, and thus further perpetuates that cycle of repression that is passed on from one Filipino generation to another.

So what’s the whole point about my raving? Well, let’s face it folks, it is the 21st century. Maria Clara has been dead since the 1800’s and Padre Damaso and his cohorts are enjoying their well-deserved roasting in the pits of perdition. For crissake’s, blame-it-all-on Spain is even more modern and liberal with their attitudes towards sex compared to Filipinos nowadays. We really have to get over our anal-retentiveness with sex. While I don’t really suggest that we throw morality out of the window and engage in raunchy debauchery day in, day out (a tempting thought), we do have to start accepting that sex is a fact of life. Whether we like it or not (and I’m willing to bet again on the like part), sex happens. No amount of hush-hush or monikers can change that. So what’s the missing ingredient? I say: out with being politically correct, and just call a spade a spade. That should help in fostering the message that sex, in a healthy and positive context, is the key to striking out a yin-and-yang balance between being frigidly uptight and wantonly irresponsible.

Quis custodiet ipsos custodiet?

"Who watches the watchmen?"
- Juvenal, Roman poet

Well, I most certainly did!

No spoilers here, but I did like the movie despite it's almost being 3 hrs. long. Pretty much atypical as it's a thinking movie, with a lot of backstoriesthrown in. It's a crime for a comic geekzoid like me not to have read the original source (which I will soon), but I was pretty much impressed with the main theme of the whole movie: does the end justify the means? Will you go the lengths of killing millions to arrest nuclear destruction and achieve global peace? A good coffee-time (and blog) topic, if I may say so.

In the meantime, off to bed for me.

Heisenberg Principle of Uncertainty – I So Don’t Get It

"Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose."
"The more things change, the more they stay the same."

- old French proverb

Call me staid (read: boring), and old-fashioned (read: inflexible), but change isn’t my cup of tea. Really. I dunno, but I’d rather prefer the sun to rise every morning I get up. Not that it hasn’t risen at all (knock on wood), but I imagine if it doesn’t, then my whole ordered and predictable world will come crashing down. Of course I’m exaggerating, but it brings me my whole point: why change your status quo when there’s no assurance that the precipitating change will be for the better?

All my closest friends know how much I tend to resist change. Give me predictability anytime over spontaneity. I guess this stems from the fact that without some sense of structure in my life, I really tend to be out of focus and go in several directions all at once. Shades of ADHD perhaps? Is it the bohemian attitude supposedly inherent in artistic people? Or is it just a simple an innate lack of self-discipline? Well, for whatever reason, I’ve learned my lessons in the school of hard knocks that’s called life. I need something staid and organized for me to exploit my potentials to the fullest.

Let me digress a little bit. I won’t exaggerate: I’m not exactly obsessive-compulsive, and neither am I an anal-retentive jerk. I don’t have this overwhelming urge to make my bed every morning, nor do I have the patience to arrange my toiletries in some twisted sense of logic. I keep on losing small things ranging from hankies to cell phones to wallets because I’m not compelled to check my pockets every now and then. However, even if my room is a mess, I know underneath that stockpile of music pieces and used clothes is the book I’ve been wanting to read for the past few months. In my closet, I know my passport is on the leftmost shelf, buried under a barrage of knick-knacks and thingamajigs. Among the numerous school and work papers strewn about on my desk, I know that the break up letter I wrote in high school is still in an brown Papelmerotti envelope, unsent after all of these years (we still broke-up though hahahahaha). Somehow, amidst this seemly chaotic behavior, some sense of ordered pattern emerges.

So given my ordered sense of chaos, where does change come in? As the cliché goes, the only sure thing in the world is change. It doesn’t mean that even if my room is a jungle that Tarzan could live in, I don’t know where my things are. Factor-in change a.k.a. the maid cleaning up my room, and zoom, all of a sudden, I have no idea where in the world my notes for the finals of my Music Literature subject are. A trifle example, I know, but nonetheless, it paints a pretty good idea of how much change affects me. It somehow heralds an unknown quantity that utterly mixes up the order in the chaos that I am used to. I know it sounds weird, but inspite of the disorder, I still know that I have some control over it (perhaps making it so not chaotic in its true sense of the word, but that’s another topic altogether). Besides, change is something that’s not assurable. Let’s go back to my example of the now-cleaned up room. So fine, it’s now nice and clean, but despite its squeakingly spotless exterior, I won’t know where my notes lie (I could ask the maid, but that’s not the point). In other words, why would I even want the uncertainty of change when in fact, the seemingly chaotic state is actually full of order?

My family and friends have this urging for me to take that certain risk called change. They always argue that I’d never know if that change would bear something good. I’d say, no thanks, and please don’t hound and persecute me just because I feel fairly contented with what I have right now. Sure, take potshots at me. Call me boring and predictable. Plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose? Humph. Yeah right. Go tell that to the marines.

P.S. The author’s view early this morning does not necessarily reflect the true philosophical and existential position he takes in life. However, neither can it be claimed as pure fiction. In other words, it is only a facet of his some-time cravings for creative prose; born at 5:00 a.m., straight out of a rambling mind severely demented from lack of sleep.

Day 1

Let's start off by calling him Spice. And let's say that I met him in the worst place possible: the Mecca that is called the Lobby. It seems that he's been a long time chatter, but for some reason, we've never crossed paths until recently (N.B. Now I know why: I hang around midnight onwards, and he chats usually early in the morning before going to work, or early in the evening when he arrives). He seems fairly popular enough that people ask me if I know him, or at the very least, interacted with him. My usual answer: who he? (MWAHAHAHAHAHA) Well doodeleedoo, apparently, people have asked him the very same thing, too.

ME: (excitedly) Fate slowly weaving its threads into an amorous tapestry?

me: (non-chalantly) Asa pa you.

Anyways, one afternoon of no particular importance, I managed to bump into him in the lobby. I said to myself, "Ah, so this is Spice. Lemme dock him and try to catch his attention." Well, wahddya know, all it took was a sutsot and a kindat, and we were bantering around in the lobby like old pals. But then again, all bantering and kulitan wasn't the whole point of the exercise, was it? It was more like a moro-moro, verbal fencing, and faux pas-de-deux, all rolled into one neat activity that eventually led to:

him whispering his cell number.

Teehee.

ME: *Ahem* I am such a charmer, you know.

me: Sure. (takes a drag from his cig) About as charming as as my lelong's pair of run-down socks.

ME: Fuck off!

A few days later, I decided to give Spice a call. Nothing fancy, just a hi-hello casual kind of thing. He texted right after, thanking me for the call. "Mhmmm. Promising." I thought. "He certainly knows his manners." Fast forward to last night. I prolly spent a good 30-40 mins. or so talking to him over the cell (note to self: I gotta get one of those unlimited call thingies asap). It's that getting know you stage already (cue in audio-visuals: Deborah Kerr singing to the children in the King & I), you know, the why are you in that profession, what do you want to do when we go out, blah blah kind of crap. He seems to be be a nice and sweet fellow, albeit a bit possessive for comfort. I found it weirdly kilig though to be told not to chat for the remains of the night. Normally, I'd chaff at that restriction, but...

Let's see where this leads to. Moral of the story? Abangan ang sususnod na kabanata.

It's the rose that's important

Accuse me of being too saccharine, but I love the simplicity of this song. It hearkens back to all the memories and experiences, both good and bad, of my life-journey with the Madz.

I had my moment in the sun, and what a gloriously shining moment it was. But at the end of the day, when the curtain is rung down and the footlights are turned off, all I am left with is the soul of the music, the lone rose which I keep close to my heart.

Perhaps it's the rose that's important, after all.

L'important, C'est la Rose

From one of my tours, a 2006 concert in Epinal, France.

Self-conversations 2

ME: (enters fuming mad and slams his fist on the table) The nerve of the Bitch!

me: (raises his head from the comics he's reading, and looks across the table) Mhmmm. What is it this time?

ME: (Shouts) She actually took me out of her Facebook! Would you believe it?! I was looking for her name on the list to tag her in one of the pics, and poof, it wasn't there. Oh man, I swear it's soooo war time already!!!

me: Don't shout. I'm just three feet away from you (rolls eyes). Well, she has every right, you know. It is her Facebook after all. If she doesn't like you for whatever reason, then it's her problem. Don't make it yours.

ME: But...but...

me: (puffing on a cigarette) Look, you really have to learn that you can't please everyone. It's a fact of life. And if someone doesn't like you, don't take it too personally.

ME: (whines) But I'm nice naman e...

me: It's not a matter of being nice or not. She doesn't just like you. Deal with it.

ME: (mutters under the breath) I don't like talking to you. You're too coldly rational.

me: I heard that. Here's a candy. Now go to a corner and sulk all you want. See if care.

ME: I hate you, you know that (stomps off).

me: Yeah, yeah. Whatever (goes back to reading the comics).