Some Tenents That Eternal Wanderer Lives By 2

"Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection."

Being pretentious doesn't cut it. I am what I am. I don't have to be apologetic about it.

"Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass."

Genuine love, however precious, still exists. When it comes into my life, whether in the form of family, friends, or lovers, I embrace it wholeheartedly.

"Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth."

I have already done a lot of things in my life. My dues are paid and my worth proven. Now, it's time to sit back and relax.

"Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune."

I build and strengthen myself up because at the end of the day, I can be the only one who I can truly rely own.

"But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness."

Worries and anxieties are floating cobwebs in the mind. They hinder me in seeing what really needs to be done. Everything is temporal in in life. They will all pass. Problems included.

"Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself."

Being harsh and overly critical with one's self is chips away at self-esteem. Gentle always does the trick.

"You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here."

I am assured that no matter what, I have a place under the sun. The thought give me immense comfort.

"And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should."

Things have a funny way of falling into place. Whether I like it or not, it is as it should be.

"Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be."

Credo in unum Deum, Patrem omnipoténtem.

"And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul. "

Peace with myself, peace with others, are always oases in times of turbulence. That is why I put much value in it.

"With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world."

I know. I only have to truly clear my sight to appreciate life and be grateful for it.

"Be cheerful. Strive to be happy."

Amen.

Desiderata

Max Ehrmann

-----

for HB

Kaba

Si Eternal Wanderer ay nagmimistulang Tootsie Guevarra.

Hindi sya makatulog.

Palaging laman ng isip nya ay si...ermmm...hihihi

Kaya si Eternal Wanderer ay napakanta na lang nito:

Juskoday. Nababaliw na yata si Eternal Wanderer.

hahahaha

Some Tenents that Eternal Wanderer Lives By 1

"Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence."

In a world that is full of noise and distraction, it is always good to have some downtime for myself. Silence is telling me something, and I have to listen to it.

"As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons."

Keeping good relations with as much people as possible is always a wise thing to do.

"Speak your truth quietly and clearly;"

I have my own story to tell, and I tell my story without forcing it upon others.

"and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story."

There is always something to learn from others by listening. The moment I stop listening to them is the moment I cease to grow as a person.

"Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit."

If it is not my story to tell, then I do not share it. Rumor mongering and gossiping are the best ways not to earn other people's trust.

"If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself."

I measure myself not against what others possess or have achieved, but with my own personal goals and accomplishments in life. It is my own life to live, after all.

"Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans."

What I have done in my field is something I wouldn't have traded for anything in the world. It was a good run, and now it's time to move on to other endeavors.

"Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time."

I define my work. It does not define me. I can be content with whatever I am in because I know I am the master of my own ship.

"Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery."

Trust has to be earned. Always.

"But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism."

I believe in the inherent goodness in people unless proven otherwise.

Si Varsity Boy at Ako: Pers Lab 5

Si Varsity Boy at Ako: Pers Lab 4

Halos buong 3rd year at 4th year kami naging mag-jowa ni Varsity Boy. Sa kanya kong unang naranasan mabigyan ng bouquet of roses on my birthday. Sa kanya ko rin naranasan makatanggap ng mga love letters na may kasamang chocolate at stuffed toys. Sa kanya ko rin naranasan ang makipag-date kung saan-saan. Meron sa restaurant, meron sa ridge sa school namin overlooking Marikina Valley, meron sa sinehan. At sa kanya ko rin maranasan makipagmake-out at kung anu-ano pa sa sinehan din.

Exciting pala yun ahihihihi

Pero hindi lahat ng faggy fairytales e nagtatapos sa happily ever after, the end. 1st year college na kami nun. Pumasa ako sa tanging dalawang paaralan na pinagkuhanan ko ng college entrance exam. Pero pinili ko pumunta sa paaralan kung saan nandoon yung mga straight na barkada ko. It just so happened na kasama si Varsity Boy sa barkada kong yun hehehe

"Ternie, we have to talk.", sabi nya sa akin.

Sa puntong yun, nararamdaman ko na medyo ilap na sya sa akin. Hindi na sya masyadong tumatawag sa telepono. Hindi na rin kami masyadong nagde-date. Wala na rin ang flowers, stuffed toys, at chocolate.

Kung ano-ano ang excuses nya. Kesyo may quiz o long test. Kesyo may paper silang kailangan i-pass. Kesyo may lakad sila ng pamilya. Kesyo ganito, kesyo ganyan.

"You'reseeingsomeoneelseano?Howcouldyoudothistome?!Howdareyou!HOWDAREYOU!!

Tellme,whoisit?!!!WHOISIT?!!!!", ang dire-diretso at halos pasigaw kong sabi.

Aba, kulang na lang mag-eskandalo ako. Hindi ko yata idol si Jacklyn Jose. Mashadong deadma ang emote, mashadong under-acting. Gusto ko hysterical. Gusto ko with emapathic and flaying arms. Gusto ko may mahabang monologue with matching hagulgol at ngawa. Kaya ayun, nag-mistulang Maricel Soriano ako sa gitna ng school quadrangle namin.

Natameme si Varsity Boy sa award-winning moment ko. Di yata nakayanan ng powers nya. Ang tanging nasambit nya ay isang tahimik na "I'm sorry...I'm kinda seeing this girl. Si...si Maida Chimini-aa. You know her, right?"

Ay punyeta. Know her? Of all the people, si Maida Chimini-aa pa! Of course kilala ko sya! E paano ko ba naman di makikila yun e kung magbihis, mas matino pa ang kasambahay namin. Pero kung bumalandra sa corridors at sa quadrangle e akala mo nanalo ng Ms. Purok Beyntesiko-International. Pwede baaaaa?!

Fine, mean na kung mean, pero nung first week of classes namin, di ko talaga matiis taasan ang boses ko nung dumaan sya sa harap ko habang tumatambay ako sa isang corridor.

"Ay, how rich naman the amo of this girl! Dito pa in our school pinapaaral o."

Ang bad, bad talaga ni Lindsay Lohan aka Maricel Soriano aka the Diamond Star. Kaya ayun na-Luz Valdez sya. Kinarmi Martin ng husto. Napunta ang kanyang Varsity Boy sa piling ng nilait nyang si Maida Chimini-aa. Come to think of it, ano ba naman ilalaban nya sa flower ni Maida Chimini-aa? E straight from Dangwa pa ito.

Ichura ni Maida Chinini-aa. Tseeeeh!

Si Varsity Boy at Ako: Pers Lab 6

In the Jungle of Words

A good friend of mine took her basic Philosophy class with the legendary Fr. Roque Ferriols. He was already old and slow then (heck, he's always been ancient as far as I can recall). But one lazy afternoon, their class was suddenly jolted into attention when he slammed his fist on the table while a student was incoherently rambling in an oral recitation.

"Bakit ka ba nagtatago sa gubat ng salita?!", he shouted.

Ouch.

I have to admit, I'm guilty of this. Words are enchanting to look at, even more enchanting when it's read out aloud (I just love having Ting Ting Cojuangco reading out stuff aloud. Especially the "gorgeously" written stuff). But sometimes in my desire to write "gorgeously", the very basic message that I want to communicate gets lost. It simply ends up in an orgy of words, a paean to written and auditory pleasures. In other words, I end up indulging in what I term "verbal masturbation" (which I think is a far more exquisite term compared to what another friend of mine calls as "word vomit alert").

I think there is a very fine line between eloquent writing and being downright verbose. Writing in a so-called elegant manner can easily snowball into big, big words strung together in meaningless sentences. In this case, the saying holds true: "Ang daming sinasabi, wala namang sinasabi." It becomes a pretty confection: nice to look at, sweet to the taste, but ultimately devoid of substance and meaning.

I should probably always remind myself: back to the basics. The more direct it is, the less energy you expend on writing; the more efficient you get in getting the message across.

After all, why make things complicated when you can make it simple, right?

We are Back on Air!

So that ends the Ondoy saga. Time to move on.

And Eternal Wanderer is back to regular programming ;)

The Homecoming, an Epilogue

At one point, I was taking a yosi break after clearing out the things that could still be saved. Most of the furniture were intact, but almost all the appliances had to go. Sure, the refrigerator, the t.v.'s, and all the other appliances could always be replaced. However, there were certain objects that were painful to lose. The old pictures and albums of my family were glued together in a wet, sticky mess. The comics that I had kept from my childhood were in tatters. My mom's old letters, which I carefully kept under my aparador, were gone. The extensive classical cds I collected from all the travels I did through the years were in a large black trash bag.

I was heartbroken. It was hard to let go.

All I could do was find a dark corner where no one could see me, sit down, and tear up silently.

-----

A poignant scene from the movie "Up" crossed my mind. The old man had a treasured scrapbook his late wife put together. In it contained the pictures and memorabilia of their life they shared. Until that moment, he never saw that there was still space at the end the album. Written there was a note from his wife saying that they had the most wonderful memories together. It was now up to him to fill up the proceeding space with new memories of his own.

Then I thought, alright, these nostalgic things of mine are ruined and have to be thrown out. But they can never be lost because they are just mere physical representations of my past. They are in here, indelibly etched in my mind and heart. They will be always remembered for as long as I live.

I felt comforted with these thoughts. I reminded myself, just like the character in "Up", I now have a blank space - literally. It is the perfect opportunity to add new memories and experiences to fill out the remaining pages of my life.

And besides, Musa, my beloved Rhodesian ridgeback, was still able to leap at me with joy when he saw me come home. Yes, he survived the great deluge. He entered our helpers' quarters, the only area that wasn't reached by the flood waters. If he is still able to be happy after what happened, who am I not to be overjoyed? My family and I came through this trying chapter in our lives hale and whole.

Yes, we are safe.

Yes, we still have a roof over our heads.

Truly, there are things to be grateful for.

-----
A shoutout of thanks to all my friends who texted, called, ym'd, fb'd, twitted, and commented their concern and support. But my most special thanks goes to Jay Vee and Ting Ting Cojuangco (who chose to celebrate his birthday by being there at my house to provide manpower), both of whom helped me lift the old and heavy furniture around the house, and hosed down and scrubbed away the muck. To my school girl-friends, my special thanks, too, for washing the dishes and knick knacks that need to be cleaned (it was a sight to see PKF sitting down on a small plastic timba washing the dishes in a metal palanggana. Wearing a bolero skirt with matching boots. Leather high-heeled boots, mind you. Tell me, how bonnga can that get pa? lolz). And for those whose rooms and beds provided me respite at the end of the tiring days of cleaning up, my heartfelt thanks, too. Mapa-kama man o mapasahig, ang importante nakatulog ako ng mabuti. To all of you, you gave meaning to the phrase "walking the talk." May your tribe increase a hundredfold!

The Homecoming

"Eternal Wanderer, asan ka na?", our helper texted me at around 12:30 p.m. I was still safely ensconced in Cubao Boy's room after the previous day's harrowing experience. Truth be told, I was loathe to go home. I just wanted to stay in the room, cocooned from all the cares and troubles that I just went through. The thought of the house ruined was too much to bear. After all, it was more than a roof over my head and a place I go to at the end of a weary day. The house was my home. It was where I grew up, and bar-none future disasters, will be the place where I would live out the rest of my life. My heart was wrenching at the thought of having to face the reality of the disaster.

The skies were still overcast as I trudged my way home. Then it started to drizzle slightly. I couldn't help but think that the heavens were gently weeping for what it was seeing. On the streets, I saw the lives of the people out for the whole world to witness: ruined furniture, wet books and papers, dirtied pieces of clothes, slippers, and shoes. It was painful to look at; much more torturous to think that the same scene would greet me when I would get back home.

-----

"Ingat ka. Madulas ang sahig.", I was warned by our helper as I went through the gate.

The aluminum door was propped open, and I entered the house with breath abated.

I almost choked at the sight. It was worse than I imagined it to be.

The old, solid wooden furniture were overturned. Everywhere, the various knick knacks my Dad, Mom, and I collected through the years were strewn about. All the things that we weren't able to put above the water-line were clogged with flood water. Silted mud was on the floor, and there was a reek of stagnating dampness all over.

I carefully tried going around to examine the water damage.

It was pretty much extensive.

For a moment, I was overwhelmed. I didn't know where to start cleaning. Faced with the thought that I only had our helper, her husband, and her nephew for manpower, I almost wanted to give up right there and then. But of course I knew I couldn't.

I looked at my feet. There was a torn comic book lying in the mud. I sighed and slowly picked it up.

One at a time, I told myself.

One at a time.

Under Renovation 2

Okies, the stash of scheduled posts is used up, so Eternal Wanderer has to take an enforced break as he cleans and restores his house.

Laterz!

Si Varsity Boy at Ako: Pers Lab 4

Si Varsity Boy at Ako: Pers Lab 3

Ganun pala ang pakiramdam makuryente. Ramdam na ramdam mo ang kislot sa tumatagos sa kalamnan mo. Mula bunbunan hanggang paa e bawat hibla ng balahibo mo naghuhumindig. Pati mga ibang bagay, naghuhumindig din.

Haylaveeeeet!

Shet.

Too much info na ako.

Nakalimutan na namin yung t.v. Nakalimutan na rin namin ang aming geom review. Ang inatupag na lang namin ay ang pagpapakasasa sa kaligayahan. Nang mamulat ako nung umaga, isa na akong ganap na, ermmm, ewan, basta hayun, masayang-masaya ako. Sino namang hindi masisiyahan kung pagkagising mo e katabi mo't nakaakap sa iyo ang isang tisoy, gwapuhin at chunky varsity player? Pramis, pakiramdam ko nun e nanalo ako ng pangkabuhayan showcase!

So ayun, nung lumabas ang results nung exam, nakakuha ako ng mataas na grade. Si Varsity Boy naman e muntikan ng sumemplang. Pero oks lang yun.

Kasi ng di magtagal, e naging mag-jowa kami.

Teehee

Si Varsity Boy at Ako: Pers Lab 5

Si Varsity Boy at Ako: Pers Lab 3

Si Varsity Boy at Ako: Pers Lab 2

Gaya ng sabi ko, nagbagong buhay ako nung taon na yun. Mula sa pagiging barumbado at pabaya sa pag-aaral, e nagsikap na ako ng husto. At nagbunga ito ng magagandang grades, lalo na sa math. Aba e, before I knew it, e nagpapaturo na ang mga kaklase ko sa akin. At isa na doon si Varsity Boy.

"Ternie, can you help me out ba this weekend?"

Malapit na kasi ang 2nd quater exams namin. E palibhasa ensayo sila ng ensayo ng basketball, medyo di maintindihan ni Varsity Boy yung mga ilang theorems at ang applications nito sa proving.

"Sige ba, no problem yun sa akin. Basta ikaw!"

"Hey, super thanks! I'll sleep-over na rin ha, so we can cover a lot of things", sabay wink sa akin.

Ano daw? Tama ba ang narinig ko? Magsli-sleep-over daw sya sa bahay ko?

Ang tanging nasagot ko na lang sa kanya ay isang mahinhin na "Okay."

Hihihihihihihi

Sabado ng hapon, sobrang di ako makapakali. Mamaya-maya e inaayos-ayos ang kubre-kama, tapos kumukuha ng scratch papers, tapos naghahanap ng mga pencils at erasers, tapos tumitingin ng exercises na magagawa sa geom book. Para akong pusang di makapanganak!

Knock, knock, knock, narinig ko ang katok sa gate. Shet, nandyan na sya!

"Hey, come in! O teka, why are you drenched in sweat?"

"I just came from practice kasi e. Can I shower ba muna before we study? Para mabango ako."

May ganun talaga? Bigla akong pinagpawisan ng malagkit sa thought na maliligo sya sa banyo namin. Eto na kaya ang pinagkakaasam kong pagkakataon?

"Ah okay. Sure, why not? Here's the banyo o. Take your time, I'll have merienda prepared."

Siguro mga 15 minutos ang nakalipas bago sya makalabas ng c.r. Pumasok sya sa kwarto ko naka-shorts at sando na. Ako naman, nakadapa sa kama, nanonood ng t.v.

"You're done na pala. You wanna start studying na ba?"

"Later na, I'll eat muna the sandwhich and rest a little", at dumapa din sya sa tabi ko sa kama.

Walang kwenta ang palabas sa t.v., pero hala, sige, nanood pa rin kami. Nakatutok lang sa screen. Ewan ko, pero nararamdaman ko ang tension at kaba habang katabi sya. At nararamdaman ko rin yun sa kanya. Para bang may high-voltage electricity na namamagitan sa amin.

Nagkaroon ng commercial break nung sabay kami napasabi ng, "So, ano..."

Napatigil kami. Nagkatinginan sa mata. Nakita kong tinilt nya ang head nya, at inilapit ang face sa akin.

Ay juskolord, this is, it pansit! Makukuryente na ako!

Si Varsity Boy at Ako: Pers Lab 4

One Hundred!

Wow, the hundredth post on my blog!

Thanks to Trip and E, I let myself be convinced to write here actively. Previously, the only way you could make me write was to show me the moolah. You see, I never really considered myself a prolific writer. Sure, I knew I could write, but I had to sweat blood for me to churn out words. The only way for me to write was if my arm was twisted or I was shown the oh-so-lovely dough. Even then, I'd still have to agonize just to produce a single paragraph.

Now, I'm still no prolific writer. Yes, sometimes I still do sweat blood to produce a paragraph or two. But that's fine because when I write here, I write for the love of and not because I'm being paid or forced whatsoever. In other words, I write here because I want to write. Huge, huge, huge difference it makes.

-----

For the good friends I have made while writing here.

For the good friends that have read, and continue to read my stuff.

For the blogs that I have read and still read.

For those who have read, and still read my blog.

A heartfelt thanks, and may the words continue to flow out of my fingertips!

The Deluge

Our house, the house that I grew up in the whole of my life, had to be abandoned due the flood waters that was fast rising to the roof. My dad and I decided to flee while the waters were waist high inside the living room. The whole household, starting with the kids, perilously climbed the roof to be able to reach higher grounds. I divested myself of the things that were unnecessary, grabbing just my laptop, external hard disc, Itouch, cell phone, chargers, and a change of clothes. The other things, after all, were expendable.

But the one important thing I couldn't bring was Musa, my beloved Rhodesian ridgeback. At one point, I had to go back to my room deep in flood waters because I forgot my wallet. Musa was there on my bed. He was already freaking out because of the rising waters. I had to do something. I grabbed him by the collar and forced him to swim in the abdomen-high waters in the house and brought him outside in the backyard. At least he'd have a better chance of finding a higher spot there.

As I climbed the makeshift ladder to the roof, I looked back at him.

My heart broke as he was barking at me frantically. All I wanted to do was bring him with me up the ladder. But with his size and state, it was all but impossible.

I just prayed to that Person Above to keep Musa in the palm of His hands.

Si Varsity Boy at Ako: Pers Lab 2

Si Varsity Boy at Ako: Pers Lab 1 (Re-Post)

Pero saka na muna ang kalandian. Since baguhan ako, e pa-low key effect ang drama ko. So ayun, naupo ako sa bakanteng upuan sa bandang likod. Mamaya-maya, may narinig akong boses sa likod ko.

"Sorry, but do you have an extra blue ball pen? Mine ran out of ink na eh."

Lumingon ako...

"Sure, no..."

...at napatigil sa kalagitnaan ng sasabihin ko. E paano naman, ang humihingi sa akin ng ballpen e tisoy-tisoy, gwapuhin, and most impotantly, chunky! Pramis, kumislot ng bahagya ang tumbong ko. Pero shempre kailangan mej pa-sweet ang effect.

"Uhmm, what were you asking?", sabay flip ng hair ko.

"Ball pen. Blue, if you have extra lang naman."

"Sure, ikaw pa", with matching smile sa kanya. At nag-smile back si kolokoy!

"Hi, my name is Varsity Boy. You're new ano?"

"And I'm Eternal Wanderer. Ternie for short. Yeah, I'm new here eh."

At this point, nagco-cross na ako ng fingers na sana mag-hold up yung glue ng falsies ko. E pano ba naman, panay ang pa-beautiful eyes ko sa kanya.

"Hey, you wanna sit beside me?", alok nya sa akin.

"It's okay. I'm good here. But thanks for the offer ha"

Oo na, sige na. Aaminin ko, gustong-gusto kong tumabi sa kanya ng upuan, pero kailangan pa-demure at pa-hard to get muna, di ba? Baka mamaya e sabihin nyang isa akong pokpok na nakukuha sa sutsot, kalabit at kindat (not necessarily in that order).

Ahmmm, well, siguro a little pokpok lang. At saka excuse me noh, wala akong kamuang-muang sa kamunduhan nung mga panahong iyon...

Etchoz!

Si Varsity Boy at Ako: Pers Lab 3

Si Varsity Boy at Ako: Pers Lab 1 (Re-Post)

Kung ako ang tutanungin nyo, siguro ang pinaka masayang period ng buhay ko e yung nag-repeat ako nung high school. Ironic ba? Hindi naman. May pagka-gago kasi ako nung early years ko sa high school. So hayun, nadale ako nung 3rd year. Buti nga pinayagan pa ako ni Father Principal at ng Assistant Principal for Academic Affairs na mag-repeat e. In retrospect, maraming kabutihang naidulot sa akin yung pagbagsak ko. Natuto akong magseryoso sa academics. Natuto rin akong mag-adjust at makisocialize sa mga kaklase ko. At higit sa lahat, natutong tumibok ng tunay ang puso ko.

Ano kamo?

Oo. Dahil nung nag-repeat ako, doon ko nakilala si Varsity Boy.

Nung sumemplang nga ako, sumemplang na rin sa buhay ko si Cris Villanueva. At saka wala yun. Bata pa si Sabel nung mga panahong iyon, kaya matatawag na puppy love lang yung nangyari sa amin noon. Pero sa totoo lang a, tense na tense ako nung unang araw ng pagpasok ko sa school. Bagong class na nga, bagong batch pa. Pag pasok ko sa class room, ang pakiramdam ko lahat ng mata nakatutok sa akin. Pero kahit muntikan na akong himatayin ako sa anxiety attack, e palagay nyo ba di ko mapapairal ang likas na kalandian ko?

Hello. Ako pa.

So kahit na kumakabog ang dibdib ko sa kaba't tension, ang mga mata ko'y dali-daling nag-reconnaisance. Laban kung laban, fight kung fight.

Hmmmm...

Isa.

Dalawa. Tatlo.

Apat. Lima. Anim...

Ay, diosmioportodoslossantosdelas-ai-ai-delasalas! May karamihan ang cutiness at yumminess dito! So instead na madismaya ako sa fact na ito yung first day ng repeated na school year ko, e kulang na lang maghanap ako ng swimming pool na puno ng Caladryl. Pero baka di pa rin kayanin. Kasi ang pakiramdam ko, binalot ako sa gabi leaves na punong-puno ng higad at dikya sa mga sandaling yun.

Si Varsity Boy at Ako: Pers Lab 2

The Bird

At the break of dawn, I arise from my slumber to face another day in my life.

As I go out to the fields, ready to toil under the soon-blistering heat, I spy a lone maya flitting through the rice stalks. Curiously, it does not flee as I approach.

"Well, hello, pretty bird. What a friendly fellow you are!" I say to it.

It cocks its head, and merrily chirps a response. Even if we speak a different language, it seems that we understand each other quite well.

It keeps me company the whole morning, sometimes flitting around the paddies, twice or thrice even perching on my shoulder. Under the shade of the lone mango tree in the field, I feed it bits of my simple lunch from my hand. It pecks away contentedly.

I am happy. I even fancy keeping the bird for my own. After all, it is a good respite from the solitariness of my drudgery in the field.

But I forget, it is still a bird. It is, by nature, a creature of fleetness and rebelliousness. I would have to keep it in a cage if I wanted it for my own. I could hold on to it tightly, perhaps even clip its wings for it to stay. Yet I chose not to, for it would not feel right to do so.

And as certain things are inevitable, the moment comes when the bird decides to go on its own volition. In the late afternoon sun, I look at it as it flees away, slowly tracing its path of flight as it melts into the horizon of the landscape.

It is now truly gone, and I am sad. It would have been nice to keep me company for a longer time, but that is how things turned out to be. The bird was never mine to start with.

The sun is setting and the day is almost over. As I rest under the fast-growing shadows of the lone mango tree, I reflect:

It matters not whether you have experienced joy or sorrow in the company of something even as simple as a bird.

In that one day of your life, what matters is that you have felt.

A Thing To Do When You're Bored

...is to change the the look of your blog.

Hehehehehe

Watcha think guys and gals?

Sala sa Init, Sala sa Ulan

Nung isang linggo, si Eternal Wanderer ay nagrereklamo sa panahon. Nababaliw na daw sya dahil ulan ng ulan. Mahirap na raw mabasa. Baka dumami pa. Nakakatakot yung thought!

Ngayong nakaraang araw, maaliwas naman. Tirik na tirik ang araw.

At heto na naman si Eternal Wanderer, nagrereklamo. Mainit daw. Naiirita syang lumabas dahil nanglalagkit daw sya sa pawis.

Hay naku, Eternal Wanderer, para kang bakla! Di makapakali sa isang desisyon. Napakareklamador!

Ano ba talaga ang gusto mo, maulan na panahon or maaliwas na araw?

Ay ewan ko sa yo. Sasayaw na nga lang ako!

- Azenith Briones

Memento mori

I was silently admiring the orchids of your mom while you were off and about rummaging through her things. Some of them were in bloom, painting the simple garden with vivid shades of violet, magenta, and ochre. It's not easy to coax an orchid to bloom, much less have several of them sprout at the same time. I couldn't help but think, "What a beautiful and impressive sight!"

-----

The journey back wasn't easy for you and your kuya, that I'm sure of. You had a lot of things running through your mind, so I just let you talk and listen to whatever ramblings that crossed your thoughts. A faint smile even crossed my lips when you showed me her i.d. It was amusing to be regaled with the vignettes of how you were growing up, and how it was related to your present relationship with your mom. I knew it wasn't an everyday thing that you did this, and I was privileged to see and enter another facet of you which I knew you weren't really keen on showing.

-----

The sun had barely risen in the dawn sky when you came back to the car where I was waiting the whole time. There was not a cloud in sight, a herald of a good day in contrast to the gloomy weather that pervaded the past weeks or so.

"Wala na si Nanay," you said to me quietly as you approached me.

I blinked once, twice. I couldn't comprehend what you said immediately.

"Ano?"

"Wala na si Nanay," you said once again, still softly.

All I could see was the far-away look in your eyes. There was a surge of emotion within me, and I felt I had to hug you right then and there.

We lit a cigarette at the edge of the hospital compound while I silently kept you company.

"Kumusta ka na?," I asked at one point.

"Okay naman. Mabilis, pero ganun talaga."

Then, you paused.

"Wala na akong masungit na ina."

At that point, I didn't know what my appropriate response should be: hit you on the nape, laugh out aloud, or shed a tear.

Instead, I muttered, "Gago ka talaga."

And you replied with a wan smile.

-----

I never had a chance to tell you this when I was there: all I could think about while looking at your mother's orchid garden was you. It may be hard to make an orchid bloom, but the sight of even a single flower is well worth the rocky effort of tending it.

You are your mother's orchid garden.

And she's one proud gardener with how beautiful the orchid garden turned out to be.

Fathers and Sons

My father's eldest brother came back from the States for a vacation. He dropped by the house to visit my dad and me.

At one point, we were laughing uproariously at something funny that my tito said. When we finally settled down, he made a remark that struck a chord in me.

"You know what, you laugh like your Dad."

I grew up with absentee parents. The nature of their work was that it required them to be out of town for long stretches. Their frequent absences at that time didn't really cross my mind until much later on when I was an adult. After all, the house was clan central, and I grew up in the company of my grandfathers, titas, plus a whole gaggle of cousins. Company definitely ran a-plenty.

But I digress.

Looking back, I'm not surprised that my parents' marriage didn't last. The the stress and demands of their jobs must have put a tremendous strain on their relationship. By that time, my mom was already based in another country; and I had been staying with my dad in Manila.

I always appreciated how my Dad brought me up: a little pep talk and sharing here and there, a lot of trust, and definitely no melodrama. In other words, he treated me as an individual who was capable of making decisions for himself. He respected that I had my own life to lead, and I respected that he had his own. That's why when my mom asked me if I wanted to join her in making a new life abroad, it was a no-brainer choice for me. I remained in Manila with my dad.

But my dad is no saint, despite the claim of one of his sisters. He definitely has his own kinks and imperfections. And for a time, it was something I was afraid of turning out to be. The mango doesn't fall far from the tree, so to speak. However, time has a wonderful way of putting things into perspective. I now realize that all the good and bad things about my father is part and parcel of what he is. Take away either part, and he won't be the same dad that I know. I, too, am far from being perfect; and yet he has loved and accepted me as an individual, and more importantly, as a son. These are the very realizations that make me stop and be thankful that he is my father, and that I am his son.

Yes, Tito, I do laugh like my dad. And I wouldn't want it any other way.

Eternal Raindrops of the Restless Mind

"And rain will make the flowers grow."
- Eponine

Drip. Drip. Drip.

The monotony of the relentless rain as it falls on the roof is a constant reminder of how sogged the city has been these past few days. As soggy as I have been feeling.

Even the earth has rejected the rain that has become incessant. It has already spilled onto the road. Floods on the street. A flood within me.

Sorry, Eponine, my dear. Flowers will most certainly not grow with the rain this time around.

Drip. Drip. Drip.

I can't stand it anymore.

Sun, please come out behind the clouds and shine on me.

Please.

Mothers and Sons

My mom is coming back. For good.

Funny how the years have flown by without her. For more than half my life now, she has been living out of the country, leading her own life as I have been leading mine. And after all of these years, she has decided to come back to the Philippines. Permanently.

I am filled with anxiety at the thought of this.

We definitely have familial ties, that's for sure. She is my mother, and I am her son, after all. We are still close as much as an absentee mother and a son who is far away can be. Time and distance has not diminished the way I love and respect her. But time and distance also has a funny way of freezing another person in one's memory. It is like a photograph, a snapshot of the moment suspended in time. For me, she is still my mother who departed from home all those years ago. I have this feeling she feels the same way, too. In her mind's eye, I remain the boy from the times of past.

Unfortunately, life doesn't really work out that way. Chapters of events and experiences have been written in my book since the last time she opened it. That holds true for her, too. I now face the prospect of being with my mother who, at the same time, is also a stranger. The last time I was truly with her, she was still playing the role of the dutiful and doting mother. When she left, I was just a boy, but now she will be returning to a man who is used to living his own life. The stark-naked reality of the situation is that I am not the son that I was, and neither is she the mother that she was.

It is this incongruity between memory and reality that scares me. Huge adjustments will definitely have to be made on both sides. There might be the issues of expectations not being met, paving the way for potential sources of conflict. But what really makes me afraid is the thought that I may have already forgotten how to be a son to her, and she, a mother to me. All the what if's, the possibilities, the scenarios running through my head are sometimes enough to keep me tossing and turning in bed in the middle of the night.

These thought-demons of my own creation. They haunt me continuously.

Again and again, I simply try to remind myself: one step at a time.

One step at a time.

-----
Then again, I may just be worrying too much. For all I know, the transition might be turn out smoothly.

Oh, well. I guess I'll just have to cross the bridge when I get there.

La Isla de las Marias Quatro Mahaderas viudas de las Mujeres Vaklitahs-Jones, o Paano Nagbakasyon ang Tropa ni Eternal Wanderer sa Island of Desire 1

Dahil kaladkarin nga ang tropa ni Eternal Wanderer, sila ay mahilig maglalagalag kung saan-saan. This time naman, e naiisipan nila mag-beach sa kalagitnaan ng bagyo season. Pero okay lang, wala namang bagyo nun naglakwatsa sila. On the other hand, sila nga ang nagkalat ng unos ng ka-vekhihan sa isla na ito:

Cagbalete Island!

Ang taray ng tempation island, ano?

May pagka-epic adventure yung pagpunta nila dito. At ito ay nag-umpisa sa usap nila ni Totoy Mola sa YM.

Totoy Mola: Hoy, vehki!
Eternal Wanderer: Bakit, tuod?
TM: Gumawa ka nga ng schedule at costing ng lakad natin. Gusto ko maayos ang pagkagawa mo sa Excel a.
EW: Opo, kamahalang Ma'am Tuod.

Nakakalurkey si Totoy Mola, ever! E ano ba namang malay ni Eternal Wanderer sa Excel na yan? Ang alam lang nyang gawin sa computer e manood sa Lifeout at X-Tube at mag-torrent ng Randy Blue at Sean Cody. Pero dahil masipag at maabilidad naman si Eternal Wanderer, matapos ang limang oras e nakagawa naman sya ng costing at scheduling sa Excel.

Ito ang kinalabasan:

click peekchure to enlarge

Bonggang-bongga di ba? May scheduling at costing pa para sa hadahan!

To You

"You are my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song."

- with apologies to WH Auden

I do not think there are enough words to describe how I feel about you. For what are mere words in capturing something that is only tangible to the heart? But permit me to make a feeble attempt to encapsulate them, even if I know it is merely a pale reflection of what I truly feel inside of me.

It is but strange that there is no tumultuous emotions raging within me. All is quiet, all is peaceful. You are like a balm that soothes the aching wounds, a cool caress upon a fevered soul. But I should not be surprised, since you are always there in your constantness, a presence freely given with love and lovingly accepted in return.

And it is that constantness that I truly appreciate.

For it is like the sun softly dawning in the east.
For it is like the eternal stars that shine brightly in the night's firmament.
For it is like the gentle murmur of your heartbeat as I lay upon your strong chest.

And thus, all of my heart responds to you as it whispers:

"I am yours, my beloved."

Comics, or How I Indulge in a Childhood Habit 2

The New Teen Titans
Marv Wolfman and George Perez scores a hit!

There's something really kooky about the idea of sidekicks banding together and having adventures apart from their big brothers/sisters and father figures. This was how the idea of the original Teen Titans was present. Fast forward to 1980, throw in a bunch of new and edgy heroes, slightly edgy characterizations and storylines, and a fabulous creative team, and DC had a major hit in their hands. Wolfman-Perez's The New Teen Titans was DC response to to the Claremont-Byrne run on the X-Men. And boy, what a magnificent run it was! Who would not tear up with the "Who is Donna Troy?" issue, or be shocked with Terra's sociopath storyline? Wolfman and Perez had a wonderful first run on this comic, and this series remains as one of my comic reads even up to now.

The Defenders
A non-team, if such a thing is possible!

From the original quartet of Dr. Strange, Sub-Mariner, Silver Surfer, and the Hulk, this group of superheroes eventually grew into a loosely organized team of misfits. It may have been a weird concept, but somehow it worked! Personally though, I relished the idea of having the Valkyrie, Hellcat, and Moondragon in one group teehee.

The Mighty Avengers
The mother of all superhero teams in Marvel Comics!

Everyone who's anyone in the Marvel universe seems to have been a part of the Avengers at one point or another. From gods to mutants and robots to aliens - this team has it all! Nostalgic arcs for me includes the time when Patsy Walker dons the Cat's discarded costume and become Hellcat, as well as the demonic possession of the Scarlet Witch in Wundagore. I loved the relaunching of the title during the 90's with Busiek and Perez at the helm, but I hated how the Scarlet Witch character was eventually maltreated, leading to the events of M-Day. Crappy, crappy, crappy treatment to a fan (and personal) fave character. I really hope they bring her back fully restored and exonerated. In whatever case, all I can say is, "Avengers Assemble!"

The Justice League of America
The sattelite era of everybody's favorite Superfriends!

Needless to say, my love for the JLA stemmed from those Superfriends cartoons they used to show on the Saturday Fun Machine on channel 9 *wink* This is the premier team in the DC universe, with the Trinity (Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman) very much representative of what the team is, and what it stands for. Oh, did I mention that they had a crossover with the Avengers? Now that was one fun and gorgeous read! It was amusing to see how some of their powers got screwy as they moved from one earth to the other hehehe I do wish they'd have another crossover fast and soon!

Kanta ni Ara Mina

Hindi makatulog Si Eternal Wanderer.

Hindi rin sya makaisip ng matino.

At mas lalo syang di makasulat ng maayos....


























Kasi tumitibok puso nya.

-----
Leche ka. Kaw laman ng puso't isipan ko.

Pero mas leche ako. Kasi gusto ko naman ahihihihi

mwah

Comics, or How I Indulge in a Childhood Habit 1

There are some things you outgrow, and there some things you don't. Comics are one of those things that I still carry-over from my childhood. There's something about reading superpowered people zooming in the air, blasting ferocious supervillains, or just simply saving the world from a catastrophic event that fascinates the kid in me up to now. My mom can't get why I still read these things. But those who are into it, I'm sure you can relate with my love for them.

Lemme share some of my favorite Superhero teams:

The Legion of Super-Heroes
The Levitz-Giffen era is my favorite iteration of the group!

Who can resist a team with members with descriptuive names such as Karate Kid, Chameleon Boy, Matter-Eater Lad, Phantom Girl, Shadow Lass, etc? With Superboy and Supergirl (from different era’s) thrown in, it’s a hodge-podge of alien beings and assorted, if not literal powers. The post-Crisis editorial dictate to remove Superboy and Supergirl retroactively from the Legion’s history was extremely damaging, resulting in heavy retconning that eventually lead to two re-boots. But all is well as The Powers That Be in DC, as they’ve brought back the Pre-Crisis version of the Legion in the current continuity. I almost peed in my pants when I saw the splash page of the Legion statues in Superman’s Fortress of Solitude in the Lightning Saga that ran in the pages of the Justice Society of America/Justice League of America crossover. I say, Long Live the Legion!

The All New, All Different X-Men
They eat Magneto for breakfast!

Cyclops! Storm! Colossus! Nightcrawler! Phoenix! Wolverine! (plus Sunfire, Banshee, Thunderbird and later on, Ariel/Shadowcat). Who wouldn’t know these iconic X-men characters? They burst forth from the pages of Giant Size X-Men #1, replacing the original members of the group. I remember being heartbroken when I first read the Dark Phoenix saga. Jean’s suicide for the greater good of the universe teared my eyes up like anything. It remains my most favorite X-Men storyline. Members may have come and gone, the permutations may have changed, but this will always remain the definitive line-up for me!

The New Mutants
Prof. Charles Xavier must be one heck of a teacher!

A cannonball Kentucky hick, a hot-tempered Brazilian sun battery, an antiquarian Roman lava chick, a lesbo Vietnamese mind-controller, a ferral Scott redhead, a Russian witch bitch, a (de-powered) Cheyenne illusion-caster, a WASP-y blond nerd, and a stranded alien - a diverse group of students, indeed. These X-men trainees captured my heart when the moment I opened the oversized Marvel Graphic Novel #4. They may be all grown-up now, but with the recent revival of the New Mutants comics with the original people (weird name for a comic though, they're definitely no longer new hehehe), it's a nostalgic trip down to through memory lane again!

Of Icings and Cakes

A friend of mine brought over a chocolate cake he bought from a grocery bakeshop. It was reputedly one of the best undiscovered cakes in town. Supposedly very much under-rated.

I opened the box. It did look good. The ganache was all dark and glossy. I couldn’t resist but take a swipe at the icing. Not too sweet. Good. Yummy.

I sliced a piece of it. Wow, there’s even a fourth-inch custard filling in between the layers. Very, very promising, indeed.

I closed my eyes in anticipation as I lifted the fork towards my mouth. The icing slowly melted inside, exploding with a rich, and almost overwhelming taste of dark chocolate. Again, not too sweet. Perfect. Just the way I like it.

Then the crumb of the cake reached my tastebuds.

Urgh. Dry, tasteless. Not far from what a cardboard would taste, I imagine. Gawd, what the hell is this stuff?!

The custard wasn’t much of a help, either. Very, very stale. Very, very nasty.

I looked up to my friend. He had the same reaction, too.

We shared a laugh and a half agreeing how the cake tasted really awful. Off it went to the trash bin: two unconsumed slices, and the rest of the cake.

Drat. Drat. Drat.

A food tripping exercise that ended up in futility.

-----
Trust me, no amount of good icing can mask an awfully made cake.
At the end of the day, it’s the cake itself that matters.

Island of Desire

Talaga namang lagalag si Eternal Wanderer at ang tropa nya. Mahilig sila magsususuot kung saan-saan. Kaya nung weekeend, sila ay napadpad sa isang isla sa may Pacific Ocean.

Bonnga ng rampahan, di ba?

Full post coming up soon!

Some Volleyball 101 1

It's weird that I love playing and watching volleyball, but I've never really written much about it in my blog, save for this post. Someone asked me a few days ago to explain the game in an in-depth manner, so I thought, why not write about it instead?

I'm assuming most of us have played volleyball in our elementary and h.s. P.E. classes at least once, right? Some may even have been part of the varsity team. So I guess most are familiar with the basic mechanics of the game - serve, receive, 3 touches on the ball, counterclockwise-rotation, etc. But most casual volleyball enthusiasts aren't aware that there are specialized positions in the game. That's probably a good jumping point (pun intended) for this post ;)

2 Outside Hitters - also know as openers. They are the ones who usually hit from the left side of the court. The flashiest of them all, since a lot of times, they get the set, especially if the reception of the serve if particularly bad. Also the most pressured of hitting positions, since they are expected to put the ball down, no matter how bad the set is, or how many blockers are in front of them. In most 3-person reception pattern, they are the ones expected to receive the serve along with the libero.
















On the left is the Cuban Mireya Luis, one (if not the MOST) of the most spectacular women outside hitters I've ever seen. I was star struck when I came up to her to chat briefly in Spanish and have my Grand Prix ticket autographed when she was here in Manila as Cuban team manager. She can't be more than 5'8-5'9, but her spike reach was about 10 ft.! Her arm swing was huge and untiring, and every ball was as good as a point. Whether it was a down the line or a cross court kill, she was always magnificent to watch!

On the right is Brazilian outside hitter Giba. Relatively small compared to his Brazilian team mates (relative meaning he's around 6'3-6'4, so you could just imagine the others!). He's the heart and soul of the Brazilian squad, pumping them with his incredible spikes from the left, right, and middle back. Of course, it doesn't help that he's hot, hot, hot, in a dirty-i'm-such-a-bad-boy way wahahahahaha


2 Middle Blockers - they patrol the center of the net, and move side to side to seal the blocks on the right or the left side. Probably the most tiring position for the legs since they have to constantly jump to block. In the hitting department, they are the ones who are mostly given the low and quick sets, and they always have to go in to feign an attack whether they're really given the ball or not. This is to ensure that the opposing blockers are fooled, thus, one less blocker for either the left, right, or back row attackers to worry about.

Andre Heller, on the left, is the smaller middle blocker of Brazil. Even if the taller Gustavo may be the better blocker, I love seeing Andre attacking from the middle because he's relatively faster to swing at the ball. Did I also mention he's hot? lolz

On the right is Simona Gioli, the bad, kick-ass hot mama middle blocker of Italy. The attitude, swagger, and stare-downs on court is really cute to watch. Just like the Russian Tistchencko, she may not be that tall for a middle blocker, but her running (slide) attack is deadly, and almost always converts into a kill.

1 setter - the general inside the court. Just like a point guard or a quarter back, the setter is responsible for calling out and delivering a play in a given sequence. A setter needs to be smart, creative, and devious, accurately giving the balls to the attackers facing the weakest blocks, and making sure that the balls are distributed well to confuse the opposing blockers.


















On the left is is the Feng Kuhn, China's setter. The Japanese setter Takeshita may be more creative and accurate, but her height is simply a liability when she rotates upfront. Feng is a more complete setter in the sense that she's both great at setting and and blocking, plus she can also spike a ball in the rare times it's set to her.

Ricardo, on the right, is my personal favorite guy setter. He was the brains that lead the Brazilian squad through it's very successful phase from 2003-2007. With the amazing hitters he had in his disposal, it was amazing to watch his unerring sense of whom to give the ball to when the team needed a kill. Too bad he was kicked out of the team before the 2008 Olympics supposedly because of attitude problems.

1 opposite - also known as the utility. They are diagonal to the setter and mostly hits from the right side of the court. In international standards, this is purely the hitting position. Most of the time, they are not expected to receive, but just attack, and attack, and attack. Used a lot in combination with the middle blocker decoy, and also for back row attacking. Should be a good blocker, since they are the main block facing the opposing outside hitter. They should also be ready to be the back-up setter on court if the setter digs the ball.


















On the right is Lioubov Sokolova/Sashkova/Kilic, the most complete players to have come out of the old-school Russian volleyball. Though she also plays as an outside hitter, by function, she does what an opposite is expected to do. For a relatively tall (6'3) player like her, she digs and plays defense really well, plus she's one of the main service receivers of her squad. Her jump serves have also created a lot of problems for opposing teams. She, along with Godina, and Gamova, propelled Russia to a gold medal in the 2006 World Championships.

Just like Sokolova, the Cuban-Italian Taismarys Aguero (on the right) is another complete player in every sense of the word. What she can do is amazing: spike hard, block intelligently, and serve accurately, to dig and receive well, and thanks to her Cuban background, even set! Along with Mireya Luis, she was part of the Cuban squad that dominated the whole of the 90's but to the Sydney Olympics. Her defection from Cuba is Italy's gain, as she elevated the Italian team's level to greater heights as they got the gold medal in the 2007 World Cup.


1 libero - the player with the different jersey. A purely back row defensive and receiving player. Cannot serve, attack, and rotate upfront, and can only set with restrictions (overhead from behind the 3-meter line, underhand if in front of the 3 meter line). Replaces the player with the weakest defense and receiving skills (usually the middle blocker since they are tall and slow to dig the ball) without having to ask permission from the second referee.

Brazil's Sergio is very small compared to his team mates, but he's almost 6 ft! Here, he's seen receiving the ball along with Giba at the Athens Olympics. Does it shoe that I love the Men's Brazilian team? teehee





The Japanese team is known for their spectacular floor defense, and they would do anything just to keep the ball in play. Here is their libero Yuko Sano diving on the floor to dig a hard driven ball. Libero = floor's best friend.

Five Minutes

With One Glimpse

I have a confession to make.

I met up with Spice a few days ago.

He texted out of the blue. He was in the city for personal reasons, and asked if I wanted to meet up with him.

I had no reason not to. I said yes.

The rains were lashing intermittently while was I was driving though the metropolis. When I got there, every slot in the concrete parking lot was full. I had to park the car in some muddy spot, and walk several meters through the mire.

But it didn't matter because Spice was already there, waiting for me.

-----

I saw him first. He was in the crowd, his back towards me, looking out to the rainy lamp-lit street. Even if I haven't seen him in months, there was no mistaking him.

It was Spice. It was definitely him.

I approached him, pinched his lower back, and whispered in his ear, "Spice."

(My heart was not fluttering anymore. Strange)

"Eternal Wanderer!!!," he almost shouted as he turned around to face me.

He was grinning widely.

(His dimples. I couldn't help but look at his dimples. I fondly remember how cute they were. They still are.)

I smiled back broadly, and at the same time, I picked up the whiff of his scent. A new one, unlike the ones imprinted in my memories of the times he slept on my bed.

(And they are pleasant memories.)

I didn't stay long because he was with his cousin. We hurriedly kept tabs about what was happening in our lives. He asked me to join him for a beer with them. I politely refused since I wasn't in the mood to socialize with other people. He promised to come back to the city soon so we can spend more time with each other. I said, "Sure, that sounds great." And with that, I told him to go back to his cousin and enjoy the rest of his night.

-----

As I made my way home, it dawned on me that all of these transpired in a span of one cigarette.

Five minutes.

All it took was five minutes to realize that everything is fine. Finally.

No more recriminations, no more awkwardness, no more hard feelings. It was a good run, and now I can savor the good times that we shared without the nostalgic heartache that used to accompany them.

Unsurprisingly, the heavy downpour stopped. It can't rain forever, after all.

I opened the window to catch the breath of the cool air as I drove on the brightly-lit night city.

How the Sun Shines

It's a Viral Thing!

I'm sorry, but this is pure cuteness!!!

Pero it yung killer sa lahat:

Vehkla kung vekhla!!!