The Story of My Art 3

The Story of my Art 2

On the day itself, I deliberately refrained from running through the two pieces.  Some of the members were asking expecting a full run.

I said no.

I told them, "We have been practicing for the past five weeks.  What would another run though do except tire you out?  Everything that was needed to be learned was already covered.  I'm not asking you to be perfect, but what I'm asking for is that you give your best shot when you go onstage.  I'm doing this because I have to trust that I taught you well.  I have to trust that you will perform with all honesty and integrity.  I have faith that you will deliver, so you have to have faith in yourselves."

Lovely words to say, but the control freak in me was actually itching to run everything through again and again.  But I had to learn.  I had to learn that I not everything in life can be controlled.  I can do my best, but at a certain point, I have to let go and trust that things will fall into place as they should be, whether I like the outcome or not.

I just crossed my fingers and hoped this pseudo-existentialist emo of mine wouldn't be the cause of disappointment for the group.

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When I woke up that morning, I said to myself, "Today is a good day to win."

And yes, we did win.  For the second time that I handled them, we won first place.  I knew how much the group worked their butts off.  They silently endured all my ranting and shout-fests at them.  I had to endure sleepless nights and restless days trying to figure out what to do with the required piece.

I wanted, no, I pressured myself to get the first place.  I wouldn't have settled for anything less.

It wasn't perfect, I have to admit. But all the risks in my interpretative choices paid off.  Ting Ting Cojuangco, a musician himself, thought that of all of the choirs that performed the required piece, it was ours that made most sense.  He could hear how very musical the lines were - which was exactly what I was striving for.  And he said that he's saying it as a musician to another musician.

Damn.

I couldn't help but feel proud.

I may take me out of music, but it is good to be reminded once in a while that I can't take music out of me.