It's very atypical of me to go on impulsive fits. I normally take time to think out my decisions, to consciously weigh the pros and cons. Case in point: the former blogger Jayvee complains whenever he accompanies me to shop. He says it takes me twenty minutes to decide between a matte and beaded facial wash, and another ten minutes to chose a night moisturizer or an spf-10 one.
That's why when I suddenly chose to delete my blog, I surprised myself. It was a spur of the moment thing: I saw the delete option, and I pressed on it.
With a single click, this was what remained of my blog:
After a few hours, Kane suddenly texts me: "Why did your blog disappear?" When Maxwell dropped by my house a few days later, he also asked, "Why did you delete your blog?". I even got a brief text from Rudeboy: "So - did you shut down your blog?"
Of course I had to come up with an official statement. I glibly talked about being unconsciously pressured to write what was expected of me versus what I really wanted to. I also spoke of being too tired to write anything at all, not to mention trying to find my bearings for writing once again.
Shades of the truth, yes. But to be completely honest about it, I did it out of impulse. Plain and simple.
And it feels good.
It feels good to be reminded that once in while, I am allowed to do things out of whim without worrying about the consequences.
It feels good to be reminded that I don't have to be a control-freak with every decision that I make.
It feels good to do be reminded about the freedom of choice, whether borne out of rationality or a spur-of-the-moment whim.
But of course, I'm not exactly stupid. I actually backed up my blog a few days before deleting it. Backing up has always been an old habit of mine. Thank goodness for that. Thank goodness for the undelete option, too. Ano ako, sira para forever kong burahin yung mga pinagsususulat ko these past four years? hihihihi
And so, a few days before of the anniversary of my blog, I am back once more - a little worn around the edges, but still alive and kicking.
Here's to four years worth of writings, introspections, self-realizations, and a whole gamut in between!
Sana may delete/undelte button din sa totoong buhay, ano?