Borne Out of Tears and Darkness

 Nang Kumerembang si Eternal Wanderer sa Opisina 5

"Ternie...Ternie," I heard a voice softly calling out to me in the darkness of my room.

I was still crouched under the sheets. I slowly opened my eyes, and tried to look at who it was. As my bleary sight adjusted, I saw Pedro seated on the floor with his back against the wall. I was surprised.because he arrived earlier than I expected. He was supposed to meet his cousin to get packages meant for his relatives in the province.

"Uhmmm, anong oras ka dumating?" I replied to him groggily.

He just stared at me for several seconds.

"Tinutukan ako ng baril. Na-hold up ako."

I was jolted awake all of a sudden. I immediately stood up from the bed and sat down beside him.

"Ha?! What the fuck?! Anong nangyari?!"

"Nag...nag-bus ako ako na di aircon para makatipid. Nasa may bandang likod ako. May umupo na lalaki sa tabi at likod ko. Tinutukan ako ng baril. Pati yung babae sa harap ko, tinutukan ng baril. Nakuha yung kwintas nung babae. Kinuha nila yung bag ko. Nandoon ang cell phone ko, ang mga atm ko.  Pati atm para sa sweldo natin sa Friday, nandoon din. Tang ina, Ternie, nandoon...nandoon din yung...yung iPod Touch mo na hiniram ko sa yo."

His voice croaked. It broke and then he began to cry. Gradually at first, his chokes became heaves of pain and bitterness. He started cursing at his lot in life

"Putang ina naman...mabait ako na tao...hindi naman ako nananakit ng iba a. Bakit nangyayari ang mga bagay na to sa akin? Putang ina,  malas talaga ako, Ternie...ayoko na...putang ina, pagod na pagod na ako sa buhay ko. Sana lumaban na lang ako para binaril ako, para namatay na lang ako."

He punched at the wall in frustration.  He begged me to punch him, too. To punish him for using my iPod Touch. To punish him for not taking care of something he borrowed. To punish him for being too ambitious in using things he has never had in life.

In between his jagged sobs, he offered to leave his laptop with me in exchange for the stolen iPod.  He even reached for his remaining decrepit cellphone on the table. He wanted to give them to me to take away the guilt from losing my iPod.

I pulled him back and cradled him instead. For immeasurable moments, I kept on hushing  him and stroking his hair. I gently told him, "It's ok. iPod lang yon. Ang mga bagay na ganun, napapalitan. Pero ang buhay ng tao, hindi. Lalong-lalo na sa yo."

Slowly, I felt his heaving start to ebb. He looked up at me, got my hand, and put it to his quivering cheek. It was hot with his flowing tears.

"Ang in-expect ko, susuntukin mo ako. Mumurahin mo ako. Ayoko na sanang umuwi pa dito. Naglakad ako ng malayo habang tulala kasi di ko na kaya iharap ang mukha ko sa yo. Pero bakit ka ganyan sa akin? Ni ayaw mo akong sigawan. Ni ayaw mo ako pagbuhtan ng kamay. Sobrang bait mo talaga. Hindi ko na alam kung paano ko ibabalik ang lahat ng iyan."

I just sighed, kissed his head, and proceeded to stroke his still-wet cheek.

-----

He eventually spent himself and fell into an exhausted sleep in my arms.

And in the quiet darkness, I closed my eyes and whispered back my answer.

"Kasi ngayon ko lang na-realize na talagang mahal na kita."

 Nang Kumerembang si Eternal Wanderer sa Opisina 7