Farewell to Never Never Land

"We can only offer," she paused for a moment, "this certain amount. Tell me then, why would you accept it?"

The girl in front of me was pretty and charming.  And she was made of steel, too.  Being of the petite and fragile looks, I thought she would be a pushover.  I was shooting back questions after questions even as she was interviewing me. But she held her ground against my not-so-subtle probing. I was impressed.  I made a mental note not to judge a book by its cover. Looks can really be deceiving.

"You know what, I could clear double or triple the amount you're offering."

"Exactly. That's why I'm curious, if you get the job, why would you accept it?"

"Okay, let me be honest. It's not Christmas the whole year round.  Besides, I want some stability. I'm tired of thinking whether I'm going to make my monthly budget or not."

-----

If there's one thing I've always appreciated with this freelance lifestyle, is that I don't have to account for anyone save for myself.  All I have to think about are my personal bills, a little savings, and enough money for some rest and recreation. That's about it. At this point, I don't hanker for the unnecessary luxuries anymore.  I already put those high and frenetic times behind me. I only have a few inexpensive vices, amongst which are cigarettes and time spent in the company of good friends. 

I'm an easy-to-please person - that's why I could afford lead a relaxed and simple life.

That all changed last year when I got a letter from my mom. She said that she'd be retiring by the last quarter. She also said that she was soon going back to the Philippines along with her daughter.

I put down the letter and stared blankly into nothingness. An overwhelming feeling started to engulf me.  I knew it was wrong to feel that way, but I couldn't help it. A good and dutiful son shouldn't even feel that way at all.

I felt resentful.

There, I've said it.

I felt resentful because change was in the air. The status quo that was my security blanket was going to be rumpled. A shake-up was about to arrive; a very major shake-up with the way I led my life.  It wasn't only me that I would have to take care of.  I now had to consider my mom and my sister.  It was their welfare that was going to be at stake, and not just mine.

In other words, I now had other responsibilities.

And the prospect scared the shit out of me.

-----

After months of indecisiveness, I finally mustered enough brash to apply at a big company.  I even had the chutzpah to give my résumé in person.  Surprisingly, the whole process wasn't so bad. I had to face three rounds of interviews, a written exam, and a pseudo-oral exam over a span of two days.  Despite being a first-time applicant in a corporate set-up, I didn't feel nervous. Not even one tiny bit.  Call me weird, but I honestly enjoyed conversing with the interviewers and taking the exams.

Then it struck me: if applying for a job in the corporate world wasn't this daunting, then perhaps my fears were unfounded to start with.  I mean, how bad can taking care of your mother and sister turn out to be? After all these years of sacrifices, it's now my turn.  Not everyone has the privilege of looking after their mom and sis.  I should count myself lucky that I still have them.

-----

I was leafing through the magazine in the company lounge when the receptionist called out my name.

"Here's the list of paper works that needs to be submitted," she said as she handed me several stapled sheets of paper. "When you give those in, you'll be handed over your contract."

I smiled at her, winked, and said thanks.

I felt good - and the smile remained with me, even as I left the premises.

-----

In that faraway place of Never Never Land, there lived an eternal boy named Peter Pan.  He loved to explore; and in his wanderings, he encountered both wonderful and not-so-wonderful adventures.  But as much as he wanted to, he discovered he couldn't remain a boy forever.  Eventually, he had to grow up. And in doing so, he got to discover a new and different world begging to be explored.

Buh-bye Never Never Land.  It was great while it lasted, but I'm really looking forward to more adventures!