Monday, November 16, 2009

For Anthony

Dear Anton,

Wow, it's been a while hasn't it?  I'd offer a thousand and one excuse for not writing you at all, but hey, better late than never ehehehehe

So how's it over there?  I was just thinking how great it would if you were here.  I'd be hamming it up as the kuya and you'd whining in the bunso role.  Since brothers will always be brothers, and boys will always be boys, we'd prolly be at each other's throats, too. We'd also prolly hang out like crazy with my tropa. You'd like them because they're good guys, just like both of us are *wink*. I'd be drinking Coke Zero and you gulping down all the alcohol.  Damn, I miss that! I haven't drank since like about forever.  But don't worry, I'd definitely match you with Malboro lights, stick by stick!

I know it's been ages, but I still remember the time you decided to visit.  I was  really excited then.  After all, who kuya wouldn't be excited to see his lil' brother?  Pops was away most of the time, so it was Mom whom I kept badgering about your arrival.  Chuck my impatience and over-eagerness to the kuya mentality, but I just couldn't get enough of the idea that you'd be arriving anytime soon.

It was a flurry of activities - all the wait, the preparations, and the arrival itself.  As the date approached, I even fixed up my things in my room to make space for you.  My room was a mess, but mom didn't even have to remind me to clean the stuff out.  I knew we'd definitely be room mates. I wouldn't have it any other way, of course.

Then the big day arrived.  And due to some unforeseen turn of events, you just came and went.  I know, I know, it was over sooner than what everyone expected.  If you ask me, I would've wanted you to stay a little longer than you did.  But I know you also had other plans.  C'est la vie. I do remember though, the long night and hushed tones, and how lola was patiently explaining to me what had just happened.

Still, all is good with everything.  As you very well know, Popsy and Mom aren't together anymore.  I also know that you know they are okay with it.  Don't worry, I'm also at peace with their decision. I hope you are, too.

Popsy, Mom, and I now have our own lives to live.  Life is going as it should be.

It's odd that I haven't thought about you for a long, long time.

But last night, Anton, the almost-faded memory of you crossed my mind.

And I thought that perhaps, maybe just perhaps, that if you were still here, then our family would still be together.


Your Kuya

P.S.  I admit haven't been quite a good older brother as I should be. When Mom and I visited the graves of our two lolos and our uncle, she told me to include your name on the inscription --- so that you would be remembered, always.


  1. awww. i also wanted to have a sibling. at least you've had that chance even if it was only for a very short time.

  2. i'm writing a draft about "missing someone" trying to implieda general perspective then i read this.

    this is really sweet.

  3. ang lungkot siguro ng hiwalay na pamilya. gayunpaman, desisyon 'yan ng ating mga magulang.

    minsan, wala rin tayong magawa dahil anak lang tayo.

  4. sumakit dibdib ko pre, nakakarelate ako

  5. speechless, in a way, i can relate since i am a kuya too... the post is just silent. but its silence indeed moved me...


    now back to regular programming, huy mas busilak at dalisay ako sa iyo. CHE! hahaha!

  6. lubos naman akong naantig sa iyong mga tinuran

    mukhang napakabuti mong kuya ah

    bagamat wala na si anton, nababatid kong napangiti mo siya sa iyong mga binitiwang pahayag

    hindi naman kasi kailangan ng masteral para maunawaan ang pagmamahal

    sapagkat iyon ay nararamdaman

    nawa'y pagpalain ka

  7. Flowers for Anthony.

    And a marker. ;)

  8. Eye: :(

    Clipped: it happens hsyz

    Engel: unico hijo, too?

    Dabo: aw. thanks po.

    John Stan: yes, in the decision-making, children are usually left out, but they are the first casualties to fall :(

    Xtian. aw. sorry :(

    Anteros: maraming salamat sa iyong ipinhayag :)

    salamat din sa pagdaan. sana magustuhan mo ang mga naitala ko sa munting blog na ito :)

    Rude: and both i shall do :)

  9. Life has a way of distracting us from the things that matter. But when we listen, and listen very hard, we find the bearing that a hectic routine has robbed from us.

    And we remember. And realize the feeling is as exquisite as if it was just yesterday. Like the love for a brother, or a parent, or a lost love, or a missed friend.

    Thank you for this entry EW. May we always remember what matters.

  10. Red: thanks. yes, we all do our best to remember :)

  11. walang anuman.

    sa katunayan, matagal na akong nagagawi sa bahaging ito ng blogosphere.

    tahimik na nagbabasa ngunit hindi nagiiwan ng bakas

    ngayong batid mo nang akong dumaraan dito, siguro naman hindi mo mamasamain kung mapapalimit ito.

    nga pala, ako ay isang masugid na tagasubaybay mo

    (bagamat aminado akong dumaraan ako dito ng hindi naka-sign in)

  12. aaaaaw ang bigat sa dibdib sistah.... but then it's good to know that you remember him with so much love parin...

    PS... about that comment kay Ewik, huwag seryosohin ha.... joke lang yun... feeling close ako sayo eh heheheheh... tsaka gusto ko lang gamitin yung BUSILAK at DALISAY na words, nakakaaliw kasi hihihihi

  13. aaw. naalala ko tuloy yung younger brother ko who passed away while he was being born. :(

    his name was harvey. :(

  14. Anteros: at ikinauunlak ko na sinusubaybayan mo ang aking blog.

    at ikagagalak ko kung ika'y madalas na mag-iwan ng mga iyong isipan ukol sa aking itinatala :D


    nano-nosebleed ako sa lalim ng filipino hahahahaha

    Yj: for that, maghanap tayo ng booking sa cubao para gumaan loob mo lolz

    sis, pasok sa banga lang gamitin ang busilak at dalisay.

    maari rin gamitin ang immaculate and pure


  15. Max: baka tropa na rin si anton at si harvey ;)

    Xtian: lika nga, hug kita.


  16. actually, i write better in english

    but since anteros dominion is a start of a new chapter in my life, sinubukan kong magsulat ng lihis sa nakagawian

    reading through your 25 things, 3 names popped up sa utak ko: lionel guico (whom i personallly know.pero hindi niya alam na ako ito), drool worthy arnold reyes (that guy never fails to amaze me, whether in theater, indie films, songwriting and even in advertisements) and of course, the pop virtuoso himself, reuben laurente

    here's a dirty little secret:im into theater before nung nasa province ako..i love classical music. and i listen to kundimans whenever i feel sad. i never knew id meet somebody here who share the same love for that kind of music

    (too bad, tone deaf ako)

    feel free to drop a line or two in my area

    id be more than willing to be your audience next time you sing some guissepe verdi or bituing marikit.

    oh, salamin ng buhay would do!

    (yan ha, hindi ka na siguro magnonosebleed niyan..hehehe)

  17. Anteros: oh, i'm neither papa lionel nor bentot. arnold reyes i've never had a chance to work with hehehehe

    and pag-trip ko, i play puccini or wagner full-blast sa speakers at four in the morning lolz

  18. Hay Ternie, what you said made me think.

    "It's odd that I haven't thought about you for a long, long time"

    Sometimes I wonder if we are doomed to forget... one way or another. That it's all just a matter of time.


  19. Kande: i hate to be esotoric/metaphysical, but i'd like to think that in one way or the other, everything that occurs leaves an imprint on the collective memory of the universe.