Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Baby Steps in Writing

How can you kill yourself slowly? Well, I asked a few people about it and I got some kooky answers I'd like to share with you. So here it goes:

First, eat lots of food that is fatty and high in cholesterol. These fats and cholesterol will slowly build up and eventually block your arteries, leading to a stroke or heart attack. Of course, you wouldn't notice anything amiss until IT strikes. Isn't it exciting? Well, as for those "healthy foods, the diet plans, and your subscription to Slimmer's World and Shape Center, junk them because they're definitely no-no's in achieving your goal.

Second, expose yourself to a lot of stress. At every opportunity, drive during rush hours, cram to beat deadlines, and quarrel with everybody in sight. That ought to make you tense enough to make your blood pressure shoot up to high heavens, and, coupled with a bad diet, it would surely drive you to the box early. But, hey, who's rushing? Just shout invectives at the other drivers, kiss and make up with your enemies, and smoke like hell when you're cramming, all to give you a chance of experiencing there nerve-wracking situations again and again!

Third, speaking of smoking, did you know that each stick takes away five minutes from your life? Not only that, you're bound to get cancer sooner or later. That's why you should smoke several packs of cigarettes a day. Regular or menthol, whatever you prefer, but never the light brand. You not only burn money (for those poor-little-rich-people who can't find anything to do with their money), but more importantly, you never notice the effects until the next medical check-up, wherein cute golf-size spots appear in your lung x-ray. Eureka!

These are some of the crazy answers I got to the even crazier question "How can you kill yourself slowly?" Well, it's definitely easier to pull the trigger, or slash the wrists, but, hey, where's all the fun in that?


While I was doing house cleaning, I came across this untitled essay I wrote in 3rd year h.s. It's prolly the earliest specimen of writing I have that still survives. I can't figure out what prompted me to come up with something like this, but apparently the teacher liked it enough to give me more than a decent grade. Apparently, he took a fancy a my stab at satirical/sarcastic writing. To each his own, I guess.


  1. i thought every stick kills 11 minutes or maybe 7 or maybe 5, i don't know, haha.

  2. acrylique: morbid theme, if you ask me :P

    max: smoking kills. i should tell that to myself hihihi