Si Varsity Boy at Ako: Pers Lab 4

Si Varsity Boy at Ako: Pers Lab 3

Ganun pala ang pakiramdam makuryente. Ramdam na ramdam mo ang kislot sa tumatagos sa kalamnan mo. Mula bunbunan hanggang paa e bawat hibla ng balahibo mo naghuhumindig. Pati mga ibang bagay, naghuhumindig din.

Haylaveeeeet!

Shet.

Too much info na ako.

Nakalimutan na namin yung t.v. Nakalimutan na rin namin ang aming geom review. Ang inatupag na lang namin ay ang pagpapakasasa sa kaligayahan. Nang mamulat ako nung umaga, isa na akong ganap na, ermmm, ewan, basta hayun, masayang-masaya ako. Sino namang hindi masisiyahan kung pagkagising mo e katabi mo't nakaakap sa iyo ang isang tisoy, gwapuhin at chunky varsity player? Pramis, pakiramdam ko nun e nanalo ako ng pangkabuhayan showcase!

So ayun, nung lumabas ang results nung exam, nakakuha ako ng mataas na grade. Si Varsity Boy naman e muntikan ng sumemplang. Pero oks lang yun.

Kasi ng di magtagal, e naging mag-jowa kami.

Teehee

Si Varsity Boy at Ako: Pers Lab 5

Si Varsity Boy at Ako: Pers Lab 3

Si Varsity Boy at Ako: Pers Lab 2

Gaya ng sabi ko, nagbagong buhay ako nung taon na yun. Mula sa pagiging barumbado at pabaya sa pag-aaral, e nagsikap na ako ng husto. At nagbunga ito ng magagandang grades, lalo na sa math. Aba e, before I knew it, e nagpapaturo na ang mga kaklase ko sa akin. At isa na doon si Varsity Boy.

"Ternie, can you help me out ba this weekend?"

Malapit na kasi ang 2nd quater exams namin. E palibhasa ensayo sila ng ensayo ng basketball, medyo di maintindihan ni Varsity Boy yung mga ilang theorems at ang applications nito sa proving.

"Sige ba, no problem yun sa akin. Basta ikaw!"

"Hey, super thanks! I'll sleep-over na rin ha, so we can cover a lot of things", sabay wink sa akin.

Ano daw? Tama ba ang narinig ko? Magsli-sleep-over daw sya sa bahay ko?

Ang tanging nasagot ko na lang sa kanya ay isang mahinhin na "Okay."

Hihihihihihihi

Sabado ng hapon, sobrang di ako makapakali. Mamaya-maya e inaayos-ayos ang kubre-kama, tapos kumukuha ng scratch papers, tapos naghahanap ng mga pencils at erasers, tapos tumitingin ng exercises na magagawa sa geom book. Para akong pusang di makapanganak!

Knock, knock, knock, narinig ko ang katok sa gate. Shet, nandyan na sya!

"Hey, come in! O teka, why are you drenched in sweat?"

"I just came from practice kasi e. Can I shower ba muna before we study? Para mabango ako."

May ganun talaga? Bigla akong pinagpawisan ng malagkit sa thought na maliligo sya sa banyo namin. Eto na kaya ang pinagkakaasam kong pagkakataon?

"Ah okay. Sure, why not? Here's the banyo o. Take your time, I'll have merienda prepared."

Siguro mga 15 minutos ang nakalipas bago sya makalabas ng c.r. Pumasok sya sa kwarto ko naka-shorts at sando na. Ako naman, nakadapa sa kama, nanonood ng t.v.

"You're done na pala. You wanna start studying na ba?"

"Later na, I'll eat muna the sandwhich and rest a little", at dumapa din sya sa tabi ko sa kama.

Walang kwenta ang palabas sa t.v., pero hala, sige, nanood pa rin kami. Nakatutok lang sa screen. Ewan ko, pero nararamdaman ko ang tension at kaba habang katabi sya. At nararamdaman ko rin yun sa kanya. Para bang may high-voltage electricity na namamagitan sa amin.

Nagkaroon ng commercial break nung sabay kami napasabi ng, "So, ano..."

Napatigil kami. Nagkatinginan sa mata. Nakita kong tinilt nya ang head nya, at inilapit ang face sa akin.

Ay juskolord, this is, it pansit! Makukuryente na ako!

Si Varsity Boy at Ako: Pers Lab 4

One Hundred!

Wow, the hundredth post on my blog!

Thanks to Trip and E, I let myself be convinced to write here actively. Previously, the only way you could make me write was to show me the moolah. You see, I never really considered myself a prolific writer. Sure, I knew I could write, but I had to sweat blood for me to churn out words. The only way for me to write was if my arm was twisted or I was shown the oh-so-lovely dough. Even then, I'd still have to agonize just to produce a single paragraph.

Now, I'm still no prolific writer. Yes, sometimes I still do sweat blood to produce a paragraph or two. But that's fine because when I write here, I write for the love of and not because I'm being paid or forced whatsoever. In other words, I write here because I want to write. Huge, huge, huge difference it makes.

-----

For the good friends I have made while writing here.

For the good friends that have read, and continue to read my stuff.

For the blogs that I have read and still read.

For those who have read, and still read my blog.

A heartfelt thanks, and may the words continue to flow out of my fingertips!

The Deluge

Our house, the house that I grew up in the whole of my life, had to be abandoned due the flood waters that was fast rising to the roof. My dad and I decided to flee while the waters were waist high inside the living room. The whole household, starting with the kids, perilously climbed the roof to be able to reach higher grounds. I divested myself of the things that were unnecessary, grabbing just my laptop, external hard disc, Itouch, cell phone, chargers, and a change of clothes. The other things, after all, were expendable.

But the one important thing I couldn't bring was Musa, my beloved Rhodesian ridgeback. At one point, I had to go back to my room deep in flood waters because I forgot my wallet. Musa was there on my bed. He was already freaking out because of the rising waters. I had to do something. I grabbed him by the collar and forced him to swim in the abdomen-high waters in the house and brought him outside in the backyard. At least he'd have a better chance of finding a higher spot there.

As I climbed the makeshift ladder to the roof, I looked back at him.

My heart broke as he was barking at me frantically. All I wanted to do was bring him with me up the ladder. But with his size and state, it was all but impossible.

I just prayed to that Person Above to keep Musa in the palm of His hands.

Si Varsity Boy at Ako: Pers Lab 2

Si Varsity Boy at Ako: Pers Lab 1 (Re-Post)

Pero saka na muna ang kalandian. Since baguhan ako, e pa-low key effect ang drama ko. So ayun, naupo ako sa bakanteng upuan sa bandang likod. Mamaya-maya, may narinig akong boses sa likod ko.

"Sorry, but do you have an extra blue ball pen? Mine ran out of ink na eh."

Lumingon ako...

"Sure, no..."

...at napatigil sa kalagitnaan ng sasabihin ko. E paano naman, ang humihingi sa akin ng ballpen e tisoy-tisoy, gwapuhin, and most impotantly, chunky! Pramis, kumislot ng bahagya ang tumbong ko. Pero shempre kailangan mej pa-sweet ang effect.

"Uhmm, what were you asking?", sabay flip ng hair ko.

"Ball pen. Blue, if you have extra lang naman."

"Sure, ikaw pa", with matching smile sa kanya. At nag-smile back si kolokoy!

"Hi, my name is Varsity Boy. You're new ano?"

"And I'm Eternal Wanderer. Ternie for short. Yeah, I'm new here eh."

At this point, nagco-cross na ako ng fingers na sana mag-hold up yung glue ng falsies ko. E pano ba naman, panay ang pa-beautiful eyes ko sa kanya.

"Hey, you wanna sit beside me?", alok nya sa akin.

"It's okay. I'm good here. But thanks for the offer ha"

Oo na, sige na. Aaminin ko, gustong-gusto kong tumabi sa kanya ng upuan, pero kailangan pa-demure at pa-hard to get muna, di ba? Baka mamaya e sabihin nyang isa akong pokpok na nakukuha sa sutsot, kalabit at kindat (not necessarily in that order).

Ahmmm, well, siguro a little pokpok lang. At saka excuse me noh, wala akong kamuang-muang sa kamunduhan nung mga panahong iyon...

Etchoz!

Si Varsity Boy at Ako: Pers Lab 3

Si Varsity Boy at Ako: Pers Lab 1 (Re-Post)

Kung ako ang tutanungin nyo, siguro ang pinaka masayang period ng buhay ko e yung nag-repeat ako nung high school. Ironic ba? Hindi naman. May pagka-gago kasi ako nung early years ko sa high school. So hayun, nadale ako nung 3rd year. Buti nga pinayagan pa ako ni Father Principal at ng Assistant Principal for Academic Affairs na mag-repeat e. In retrospect, maraming kabutihang naidulot sa akin yung pagbagsak ko. Natuto akong magseryoso sa academics. Natuto rin akong mag-adjust at makisocialize sa mga kaklase ko. At higit sa lahat, natutong tumibok ng tunay ang puso ko.

Ano kamo?

Oo. Dahil nung nag-repeat ako, doon ko nakilala si Varsity Boy.

Nung sumemplang nga ako, sumemplang na rin sa buhay ko si Cris Villanueva. At saka wala yun. Bata pa si Sabel nung mga panahong iyon, kaya matatawag na puppy love lang yung nangyari sa amin noon. Pero sa totoo lang a, tense na tense ako nung unang araw ng pagpasok ko sa school. Bagong class na nga, bagong batch pa. Pag pasok ko sa class room, ang pakiramdam ko lahat ng mata nakatutok sa akin. Pero kahit muntikan na akong himatayin ako sa anxiety attack, e palagay nyo ba di ko mapapairal ang likas na kalandian ko?

Hello. Ako pa.

So kahit na kumakabog ang dibdib ko sa kaba't tension, ang mga mata ko'y dali-daling nag-reconnaisance. Laban kung laban, fight kung fight.

Hmmmm...

Isa.

Dalawa. Tatlo.

Apat. Lima. Anim...

Ay, diosmioportodoslossantosdelas-ai-ai-delasalas! May karamihan ang cutiness at yumminess dito! So instead na madismaya ako sa fact na ito yung first day ng repeated na school year ko, e kulang na lang maghanap ako ng swimming pool na puno ng Caladryl. Pero baka di pa rin kayanin. Kasi ang pakiramdam ko, binalot ako sa gabi leaves na punong-puno ng higad at dikya sa mga sandaling yun.

Si Varsity Boy at Ako: Pers Lab 2

The Bird

At the break of dawn, I arise from my slumber to face another day in my life.

As I go out to the fields, ready to toil under the soon-blistering heat, I spy a lone maya flitting through the rice stalks. Curiously, it does not flee as I approach.

"Well, hello, pretty bird. What a friendly fellow you are!" I say to it.

It cocks its head, and merrily chirps a response. Even if we speak a different language, it seems that we understand each other quite well.

It keeps me company the whole morning, sometimes flitting around the paddies, twice or thrice even perching on my shoulder. Under the shade of the lone mango tree in the field, I feed it bits of my simple lunch from my hand. It pecks away contentedly.

I am happy. I even fancy keeping the bird for my own. After all, it is a good respite from the solitariness of my drudgery in the field.

But I forget, it is still a bird. It is, by nature, a creature of fleetness and rebelliousness. I would have to keep it in a cage if I wanted it for my own. I could hold on to it tightly, perhaps even clip its wings for it to stay. Yet I chose not to, for it would not feel right to do so.

And as certain things are inevitable, the moment comes when the bird decides to go on its own volition. In the late afternoon sun, I look at it as it flees away, slowly tracing its path of flight as it melts into the horizon of the landscape.

It is now truly gone, and I am sad. It would have been nice to keep me company for a longer time, but that is how things turned out to be. The bird was never mine to start with.

The sun is setting and the day is almost over. As I rest under the fast-growing shadows of the lone mango tree, I reflect:

It matters not whether you have experienced joy or sorrow in the company of something even as simple as a bird.

In that one day of your life, what matters is that you have felt.

A Thing To Do When You're Bored

...is to change the the look of your blog.

Hehehehehe

Watcha think guys and gals?

Sala sa Init, Sala sa Ulan

Nung isang linggo, si Eternal Wanderer ay nagrereklamo sa panahon. Nababaliw na daw sya dahil ulan ng ulan. Mahirap na raw mabasa. Baka dumami pa. Nakakatakot yung thought!

Ngayong nakaraang araw, maaliwas naman. Tirik na tirik ang araw.

At heto na naman si Eternal Wanderer, nagrereklamo. Mainit daw. Naiirita syang lumabas dahil nanglalagkit daw sya sa pawis.

Hay naku, Eternal Wanderer, para kang bakla! Di makapakali sa isang desisyon. Napakareklamador!

Ano ba talaga ang gusto mo, maulan na panahon or maaliwas na araw?

Ay ewan ko sa yo. Sasayaw na nga lang ako!

- Azenith Briones

Memento mori

I was silently admiring the orchids of your mom while you were off and about rummaging through her things. Some of them were in bloom, painting the simple garden with vivid shades of violet, magenta, and ochre. It's not easy to coax an orchid to bloom, much less have several of them sprout at the same time. I couldn't help but think, "What a beautiful and impressive sight!"

-----

The journey back wasn't easy for you and your kuya, that I'm sure of. You had a lot of things running through your mind, so I just let you talk and listen to whatever ramblings that crossed your thoughts. A faint smile even crossed my lips when you showed me her i.d. It was amusing to be regaled with the vignettes of how you were growing up, and how it was related to your present relationship with your mom. I knew it wasn't an everyday thing that you did this, and I was privileged to see and enter another facet of you which I knew you weren't really keen on showing.

-----

The sun had barely risen in the dawn sky when you came back to the car where I was waiting the whole time. There was not a cloud in sight, a herald of a good day in contrast to the gloomy weather that pervaded the past weeks or so.

"Wala na si Nanay," you said to me quietly as you approached me.

I blinked once, twice. I couldn't comprehend what you said immediately.

"Ano?"

"Wala na si Nanay," you said once again, still softly.

All I could see was the far-away look in your eyes. There was a surge of emotion within me, and I felt I had to hug you right then and there.

We lit a cigarette at the edge of the hospital compound while I silently kept you company.

"Kumusta ka na?," I asked at one point.

"Okay naman. Mabilis, pero ganun talaga."

Then, you paused.

"Wala na akong masungit na ina."

At that point, I didn't know what my appropriate response should be: hit you on the nape, laugh out aloud, or shed a tear.

Instead, I muttered, "Gago ka talaga."

And you replied with a wan smile.

-----

I never had a chance to tell you this when I was there: all I could think about while looking at your mother's orchid garden was you. It may be hard to make an orchid bloom, but the sight of even a single flower is well worth the rocky effort of tending it.

You are your mother's orchid garden.

And she's one proud gardener with how beautiful the orchid garden turned out to be.

Fathers and Sons

My father's eldest brother came back from the States for a vacation. He dropped by the house to visit my dad and me.

At one point, we were laughing uproariously at something funny that my tito said. When we finally settled down, he made a remark that struck a chord in me.

"You know what, you laugh like your Dad."

I grew up with absentee parents. The nature of their work was that it required them to be out of town for long stretches. Their frequent absences at that time didn't really cross my mind until much later on when I was an adult. After all, the house was clan central, and I grew up in the company of my grandfathers, titas, plus a whole gaggle of cousins. Company definitely ran a-plenty.

But I digress.

Looking back, I'm not surprised that my parents' marriage didn't last. The the stress and demands of their jobs must have put a tremendous strain on their relationship. By that time, my mom was already based in another country; and I had been staying with my dad in Manila.

I always appreciated how my Dad brought me up: a little pep talk and sharing here and there, a lot of trust, and definitely no melodrama. In other words, he treated me as an individual who was capable of making decisions for himself. He respected that I had my own life to lead, and I respected that he had his own. That's why when my mom asked me if I wanted to join her in making a new life abroad, it was a no-brainer choice for me. I remained in Manila with my dad.

But my dad is no saint, despite the claim of one of his sisters. He definitely has his own kinks and imperfections. And for a time, it was something I was afraid of turning out to be. The mango doesn't fall far from the tree, so to speak. However, time has a wonderful way of putting things into perspective. I now realize that all the good and bad things about my father is part and parcel of what he is. Take away either part, and he won't be the same dad that I know. I, too, am far from being perfect; and yet he has loved and accepted me as an individual, and more importantly, as a son. These are the very realizations that make me stop and be thankful that he is my father, and that I am his son.

Yes, Tito, I do laugh like my dad. And I wouldn't want it any other way.

Eternal Raindrops of the Restless Mind

"And rain will make the flowers grow."
- Eponine

Drip. Drip. Drip.

The monotony of the relentless rain as it falls on the roof is a constant reminder of how sogged the city has been these past few days. As soggy as I have been feeling.

Even the earth has rejected the rain that has become incessant. It has already spilled onto the road. Floods on the street. A flood within me.

Sorry, Eponine, my dear. Flowers will most certainly not grow with the rain this time around.

Drip. Drip. Drip.

I can't stand it anymore.

Sun, please come out behind the clouds and shine on me.

Please.

Mothers and Sons

My mom is coming back. For good.

Funny how the years have flown by without her. For more than half my life now, she has been living out of the country, leading her own life as I have been leading mine. And after all of these years, she has decided to come back to the Philippines. Permanently.

I am filled with anxiety at the thought of this.

We definitely have familial ties, that's for sure. She is my mother, and I am her son, after all. We are still close as much as an absentee mother and a son who is far away can be. Time and distance has not diminished the way I love and respect her. But time and distance also has a funny way of freezing another person in one's memory. It is like a photograph, a snapshot of the moment suspended in time. For me, she is still my mother who departed from home all those years ago. I have this feeling she feels the same way, too. In her mind's eye, I remain the boy from the times of past.

Unfortunately, life doesn't really work out that way. Chapters of events and experiences have been written in my book since the last time she opened it. That holds true for her, too. I now face the prospect of being with my mother who, at the same time, is also a stranger. The last time I was truly with her, she was still playing the role of the dutiful and doting mother. When she left, I was just a boy, but now she will be returning to a man who is used to living his own life. The stark-naked reality of the situation is that I am not the son that I was, and neither is she the mother that she was.

It is this incongruity between memory and reality that scares me. Huge adjustments will definitely have to be made on both sides. There might be the issues of expectations not being met, paving the way for potential sources of conflict. But what really makes me afraid is the thought that I may have already forgotten how to be a son to her, and she, a mother to me. All the what if's, the possibilities, the scenarios running through my head are sometimes enough to keep me tossing and turning in bed in the middle of the night.

These thought-demons of my own creation. They haunt me continuously.

Again and again, I simply try to remind myself: one step at a time.

One step at a time.

-----
Then again, I may just be worrying too much. For all I know, the transition might be turn out smoothly.

Oh, well. I guess I'll just have to cross the bridge when I get there.