Take a Silly Online Test, Get a Silly Answer

I picked up this what-tarot-card-are-you test in Jay Vee's blog, and I thought it would be an amusing diversion.

So what was the result?

Here it is:

You are The Lovers

Motive, power, and action, arising from Inspiration and Impulse.

The Lovers represents intuition and inspiration. Very often a choice needs to be made.

Originally, this card was called just LOVE. And that's actually more apt than "Lovers." Love follows in this sequence of growth and maturity. And, coming after the Emperor, who is about control, it is a radical change in perspective. LOVE is a force that makes you choose and decide for reasons you often can't understand; it makes you surrender control to a higher power. And that is what this card is all about. Finding something or someone who is so much a part of yourself, so perfectly attuned to you and you to them, that you cannot, dare not resist. This card indicates that the you have or will come across a person, career, challenge or thing that you will fall in love with. You will know instinctively that you must have this, even if it means diverging from your chosen path. No matter the difficulties, without it you will never be complete.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

me: Awwwww, that's so sweet. And romantic, too. I bet this pertains to Spice (giggles)!

ME: (snorts) You're over-reading things. It's just a fuckin' silly online test. And the answer is the grossest thing possible. I wanna throw up, I swear.

me: Teehee (winks at Me).

A Wonderful Fairytale (Parental Guidance Advised)

Now children, it's almost time for bed. Make sure you brush your teeth really well, and when you're tucked in your beds, I shall tell you a wonderful fairytale (filled with torrid lust, bodily fluids, and steamy sex).

Once upon time, in the kingdom of Lobbylandia, a prince was minding his own god-dammned business, when suddenly, he spied from his window a most handsome knight in shining armor passing by. He already had an assortment of knights, knaves, and squires in the past, but Prince was particularly enamored with Most Handsome Knight (prolly because Prince looked at Most Handsome Knight using his one-eyed monster). So, Prince said "Pssst!" to Most Handsome Knight (Prince is Filipino, after all), and Most Handsome Knight momentarily stopped and responded with a smile and a wink (and with matching licking of his upper lip). From that very moment, Prince knew that he wanted Most Handsome Knight. Prince did everything in his power to get Most Handsome Knight's attention. He even journeyed alone for several hours through several kingdoms (and several smelly comfort rooms) just to see Most Handsome Knight. And guess what, children? Most Handsome Knight went back with Prince to his palace , where they spent several wonderful days together (what they did is none of your business, children).

Alas, not everything was nice and spice in the kingdom of Lobbylandia. There were really mean, and really wicked witches who got in between Prince and Most Handsome Knight. And because of these evil witches, Most Handsome Knight got mad at Prince and did not speak for him for a long, long time. Prince thought he lost his Most Handsome Knight forever, but because hope springs eternal, Prince was rewarded for his patience (and emo-ness). Lo and behold, Handsome Knight eventually lifted his cloak of (YM) invisibility and revealed himself to Prince! Prince was overjoyed (and almost creamed in his britches) when Most Handsome Knight said "I shall go to your Palace once again, my Prince."

Now, Most Handsome Knight is sleeping once again in the Prince's boudoir (yes, children, Prince has a boudoir. Don't ask why because it's impolite to do so.) Prince cannot sleep (because of a good dose of cappuccino and sex-induced endorphins), so he decides to tell this tale to the children. And since this is the end of the tale (but remember, abangan ang susunod na kabanata), make sure you all get a good night's rest, and please, Prince does not recommend touching yourself inappropriately. You might get the curse of the hairy palms.

P.S. Children, you might be wondering where all the torrid lust, bodily fluids, and steamy sex are in the story. Prince says, "Excuse me, kung gusto nyo ng ganun, bumili kayo ng Abante at Tik-Tik!"

Postscripts from the Edge of YM

From a YM transcript

Eternal Wanderer: hi spice
EW: musta ka na?
Spice: EW i dont need further explanation from u
EW: no explantions forthcoming from me
EW: i just wanted to say hi and see how your doing
S: am tryin to be feelin good again
S: am tryin to gain friends again
EW: how did your exams last sat go?
S: am tryin to be ok EW after ng nangyari
S: exams?diko alam kung may naipasa..bahala na.
EW: i'm sorry if i hurt you. there was no malice involved. the last thing i wanted to do was for you to end up feeling that way
S: nangyari na lahat EW
S: nasira na kung sino ang nasira
EW: yes. and honestly, even if i don't know where it all started, i still accept command responsibility for it. and i bear the consequences of having lost you with a very heavy heart

End of conversation.

Can this be considered some kind of closure? I don't know. You tell me.

Kung Paano Nagkagulo at Nataranta Ang Mga Bakla na Tiga-UP, Ateneo, at DLSU 3

Kung Paano Nagkagulo at Nataranta Ang Mga Bakla na Tiga-UP, Ateneo, at DLSU 2

Makalipas siguro ng 3 oras, e dumating yung mga kaibigan namin na tiga-Ateneo.

ADMU1: (mabilis ang mata. daig pa ang agila) Ay shet! Ang gwapo ng waiter!
EW: Shhhh. Isa ka pang balahura. Parang di ka Atenista.
ADMU1: E ano naman ang kinalaman ng pagiging Atenista ko sa kagwapuhan nya?

Oo nga naman. May point din sya.

Matapos siguro ang isa pang oras, at isa pang round ng kape, e kami na lang ang natira sa restaurant. Lumabas si Adonis, karay-karay ang bill. Ibinigay nya ito sa akin.

Adonis: Sir, pasensya na a. Magsasara na kasi ang cashier.
EW: Ay ganun ba? (tingin sa bill) Kooyah, ang mahal naman ng bill namin. Walang bang discount dyan?
Adonis: Sir naman, mapagbiro kayo a (sabay ngiti).
EW: (smiles back at Adonis, sabay hiss sa mga kasamahan sa table) Hoy kayo, magsipagbayad nga kayo ng kinain nyo. Baka mamaya si Adonis pa ang maghugas ng pinggan nyan ng di oras pag di kayo nagbayad.

Dali dali naman nilabas ng mga bakla ang kanilang mga wallet at nagkaambagan na para sa bill. Pero bago umalis si Adonis, di ko matiis magtanong.

EW: Kooyah, pwede pa pang tumambay dito?
Adonis: Sure, walang problem po sir. Maglilinis pa kami naman sa loob e.
EW: Uy, super thanks talaga a (smile ulit)

So ayun, sa kalagitnaan ng kwentuhan at tawanan ay pinanood namin si Adonis at yung mga kasamahan nyang mag-ayos ng mga kagamitan sa loob ng Via Mare. Pero napatahimik ang mga tao ulit. Pati ako napatahimik.

Sa loob. Si Adonis. Nagtanggal ng polo. Nakasando na lang. At hubog na hubog ang katawan.

Sa sobrang bilis ng pagtahimik namin e narinig na siguro ang mga kuliglig sa Shang Mall (kung meron man). Siguro may ilang segundo ang nakalipas bago may nagsalita. O mas accurately, may tumili.

UP1: Sheeeeeeeeeet! Nakasando syaaaaaa!!! (Hello. Do we state the obvious?)

Hayun. Patay. Para na kaming mga nakawala sa hawla. Puro OMG, shet, at kung ano ano pang explitives at expressions ng kaligayahan bordering on orgasm ang narinig sa amin. Naasiwa na nga si Straight Guy, at muntikan ng mag-walk out sa mga nagkakagulong mga bading. At oo, siguro tumambay pa kami ng 30 more minutes para lang makita ang isang napaka-gwapo at makisig na waiter na nakasando lang na mag-ayos nga mga la mesa at silya sa loob ng Via Mare ng 1 ng umaga. Needless to say, nag-iwan kami ng malaki-laking tip kay Adonis dahil sa kaligayahang naidulot nya.

Na-miss ko na kayo. Kahit hiwa-hiwalay na tayo't iba sa inyo'y nasa ibang bansa na, e natatawa pa rin ako sa ala-alang ito na kung paano nagkagulo at nataranta ang isang grupo ng mga bading na galing UP, Ateneo, at DLSU.

Sa mga natitira pa dito, mag-dinner at kape tayo soon. Balita ko may mga gwapong waiter sa Serendra.

Wahahahahahahahaha.

Please Help Me Sleep?

Arrrrrgh, it's almost 9:30 a.m., and I haven't slept a wink!

Damn, you caffeine! And damn that darned teleserye taping! I couldn't sleep with all the noise and lights around even if I wanted to.

Kung Paano Nagkagulo at Nataranta Ang Mga Bakla na Tiga-UP, Ateneo, at DLSU 2

Kung Paano Nagkagulo at Nataranta Ang Mga Bakla na Tiga-UP, Ateneo, at DLSU 1

Nyeta. Kaya pala tumahimik ang mga bakla. Hindi waiter ang kumukuha ng order namin. Si Adonis pala. Shet, walang stir. ANG GWAPO NYA. Halos kumikintab sa kaputian ang manly at finely chiseled face nya. Siguro, pwera showbiz people, e isa na sya sa pinaka-gwapong pinoy na nakita ko.

EW: Ah...uhmm...eh..isang...ewan ko, ano bang masarap dito? (oo, alam ko, style ko bulok)

Adonis: Sir, try nyo po yung binagoongang baboy. O kaya yung litsong kawali.

EW: Ganun ba? Ah...uhmmm...sige, binagoongan na lang.

Adonis: Drinks, sir?

EW: (ayaw magpahalata kaya minadali na ang sagot) Coke light na lang. Thanks ha (sabay ngiti).

Inikot ni Adonis ang la mesa namin, at kinuha nya ang order ng bawat isa. Mabait at magaling syang waiter. Inaccomodate nya lahat ng mga tanong ng grupo namin tungkol sa mga pagkain, kung ano ang masarap, kung ano ang rinerecommend nya, etc. Ang dapat sigurong 3 minuto na pagkuha ng order e halos inabot na 10 minuto. Papasok na si Adonis sa loob nung biglang kinaway ko sya.

Adonis: Yes, sir?

EW: Kooyah, pahingi namang cold na tubig. At saka ashtray please? (ngiti ulit) Thanks ha (oo, marunong akong magpasalamat sa mga requests ko).

Tuluyan nang pumasok si Adonis sa loob ng restaurant.

UP2: Malandi ka.

UP1: Isa kang pokpok. Mas makati ka pa sa dikya.

Straight Guy: Ay nako EW, napaglumaan na yung style mo.

EW: Anobakayo? Masama bang mag-please, ngumiti, at mag-thank you?

Tinignanan ako ng masama ni UP3 (na may halong panghuhusga at inggit, i'm sure) at napahagikhik na lang si DLSU.

Masarap ang pagkain. Masarap din ang kwentuhan. At masarap din si Adonis. Ngayon ko lang natikman yung puto bumbong ng Via Mare, bibingka, sago't gulaman, at kung ano-ano pang pagkain na inorder namin isa-isa para lang may excuse na pumunta si Adonis sa la mesa namin. Di pa bilang dyan yung mga pa-refill refill ng tubig once in a while. Buti na lang di nya naiisipang iwanan na lang ang pitsel ng tubig sa amin. Pati kape, pinatos na namin doon.

Kung Paano Nagkagulo at Nataranta Ang Mga Bakla na Tiga-UP, Ateneo, at DLSU 3

Kung Paano Nagkagulo at Nataranta Ang Mga Bakla na Tiga-UP, Ateneo, at DLSU 1

Meron akong kabarkada dati na isang grupo ng mga bading na tiga-UP, Ateneo, at DLSU. Actually, different sets of friends ko sila, pero mabuti na lang naipaghalo ko rin sila eventually (menos gastos at oras). Madalas, ang ideya namin ng gimik ay tipong dinner tapos kape kung saan saan. Minsan, kung naayos namin ang aming mga schedules, e nagtatago kami sa Laguna kung saan meron rest house yung kaisa-isang straight guy sa grupo namin (wag nyo nang tanugin kung bakit sya nasama sa amin. Sabihin na lang natin sya yung token na straight stag ng grupo).

Hindi ko alam kung bakit, pero isang gabi napagkasunduan namin na tumambay sa Shang Mall. Kakatapos lang namin ng ensayo, at medyo may kagutuman na ang mga tao. Hindi naman kami pihikan talaga kung saan at ano (at sino) ang kakainin namin, pero ang numero unong requirement e dapat may smoking area. So, sa madaling salita, napadpad kami sa Via Mare, at doon kami naupo sa kinalalagyan ng mga pugon.

UP1: Waiteeeeeeer! Ang menu!!! Gutom na kami.
Eternal Wanderer: Wag ka ngang balahura. Napaghahalataan ang pagiging palengkera mo.
UP1: E ano ngayon? E sa gutom na ako e!

Dali-dali lumabas yung isang waiter at binigyan kami ng menu. May mga ilang minutong nakalipas, at habang tumitingin ako sa mga nakalistang pagkain, e narinig kong may lumapit na waiter. Tumahimik ang mga bakla, pero nakatingin pa rin ako sa menu.

Waiter: Sir, can I take your order?
EW: Sure...can I have (sabay tingin sa waiter)...

Kung Paano Nagkagulo at Nataranta Ang Mga Bakla na Tiga-UP, Ateneo, at DLSU 2

Day 4 a.k.a. The Epilogue

I
There are four classical Greek elements: earth, wind, fire, and water.
North, south, east, and west stand watch over the four corners of the earth.
The number four and the word "death" sounds the same in Japanese, Chinese, and Korean.
L-O-V-E is a four-lettered word.

II

Friday night I spent with the Ateneo people somewhere in Loyola Grand Villas. It was a breakfast-themed party, and being thkuripotpeeps that were are, Ting Ting Cojuangco brought a pancake mix, and I brought the leftover pancake syrup in the ref (note to self: please take out the syrup in the car. Dabo's roaches might take a fancy to it). Come to think of it, we shouldn't have bothered since there was a yummy breakfast buffet laid out consisting of champorado, crispy tuyo, sauteed corned beef, a Provençal omelette(ting alert!)...you get the picture. Wine and vodka had started to work on the people when we arrived, so tongues were loose and Despedida was being grilled about her dating with Famous Director. And do you actually think I got spared from being slathered with barbeque sauce on the roasting pit? Of course not. So I told them a little story. A little story of love found and love lost, and a heart that was rediscovered. All amidst good laughter, hearty food, and long-time loving friends I call family.

Saturday afternoon, I attended the wedding of a batch mate of mine in the Madz. Though I've sung at countless weddings in that church, attending a ceremony of a friend somehow cast the place in a totally different light. The bride, Lead Soprano, sang her wedding vows to her groom. I'm not one to really indulge in shtick sentimentality, but I found myself teary-eyed when her sweet voice was soaring in the song. Later on at the reception, in between bites from the Bizu-catered ulam and desserts (note to self: Go back to Bizu and get that 10 hr. slow-roasted beef belly thing), an odd thought popped in my head. Is it coincidental, or am I just finding myself spending time with people in my life who really matter, those who have loved me and I have loved in return?

III

Tonight, I spent dinner and coffee with my best buddies from the late and lamented G4M. Cubao Boy treated the gang, and almost everyone was there, save for Man4Boys and m.i.a Scorpion King. If anything good came out of that website, it's these guys. We may have known each other for just over a year (some even less), but already have shared considerable quality time with each other. And yes guys, I am proud to call you my friends, just as much, I hope, that you are proud to have me as a friend.

IV

It has been four days since Spice last communicated with me.

But I am okay.

No, really.

I am.

No tears, no bitterness in here whatsoever. The human heart, despite its being weary and battle-scarred, is resilient after all.

Happiness, however fleeting, was granted to me. I never thought I'd be happy again in this aspect of my life. Thank you, Spice, for showing me that I still could still love romantically, in a true, good, honest, and real fashion. The heart, which I thought was lost and long-dead, has been found once again.

And thank you, too, my friends, for being there for me when I was at the bottom of the barrel. You keep me grounded when I need to be and you fan the spark of my being. You are the compass of my life, pointing the way that is true and real. I was right all along to invest in you. Romantic relationships come and go, but you will always be part of my life.

I love you guys. And that comes straight from here, from my heart.

Ikatlong Araw

Alam kong mababasa mo itong aking isususlat, kaya't hayaan mong ilahad ko kung ano aking nararamdaman sa saglit na ito.

Hindi ko maintindihan bakit mo piniling paniwalaan ang mga ibang tao kaysa sa akin. At lubusang hindi ko rin maintindihan bakit mo pinipiling putulin ako sa bahay mo ng ganito. Ni ha, ni ho, walang kang sinagot sa aking mga tawag, texts, at mga ym. Kung ano man ang meron tayo, hindi mo ba ito kayang ipaglaban? Sa ganito bang paraan magwawakas ang ating kabanata?

Oo, masama ang loob ko dahil ayaw mong makipag-usap sa akin nang matino. Hindi ako sanay sa ganito . Pinalaki ako ng aking mga magulang na makipagtustusan ng matiwasay at makipag-usap ng mahinahon. Kaya hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit mayroong mga taong ayaw makipag-ayusan sa ganitong pamamaraan. Hindi na tayo bata para magkasumbatan ng mga maanghang na salita at manadya ng mga masasakit ng gawain upang makahanap ng lunas sa ganitong mga pangyayari.

Sa mga sandaling ito, galit at poot ang nananig sa aking kalooban. Galit ako sa sarili ko dahil binuksan ko muli ang aking sarili sa iyo't ipinasang-tabi ang mga babala sa akin. Galit ako sa sarili ko dahil nagpakatanga ako't pinaniwalaan ang iyong mga binitiwang salita ng pagmamahal. Galit ako sa sarili ko dahil nagpakasasa ako sa mga damdaming matagal ko ng tinago't sinupil. At higit sa lahat, galit ako sa sarili ko dahil hinayaan kong umiral ang puso't damdamin bago ang utak. Ito ang pinakamalaking kasalanan ko sa aking sarili, at ngayon, binagbabayaran ko ito.

Hindi ko na alam kung ano ang mangayayri sa atin. Ito na ba ang katapusan ng maikling kwento natin, o mayroon pa bang kataga ito? Ito lang ang alam ko: minahal kita, at minahal kita ng hitik sa lubos at pagkatotoo. Hindi bahay-bahayan, hindi panandaliang aliw, hindi isang laro ang ginawa ko sa iyo. At kung may mabuting kinalabasan ang lahat nang mga pangyayari, malamang ay ito na 'yon: na naging tunay ako sa iyo, at sa muling pagtingin, ay naging tunay din ako sa sarili ko.

Self-conversations 3

me: So...what's been up with you?

Me: (continues reading the newspaper) None of your business. But we all know why you're asking. You want to talk about Spice, no?

me: Of course not! I am genuinely concerned about you, you know...

Me: Mhmmm.

me: I think I love Spice.

Me: Mhmmm. See, I was right. You did want to talk about Spice.

me: (grins sheepishly) Uhmm. Yeah?

Me: Here's the thing (looks up from the newspaper). I still don't get it. Why Spice?

me: I don't know. It's crazy and illogical. But I'm tired of being rational. All my life, I've always tried to control my emotions. Now I have the chance, I just want to let go...(pauses) You know what, someone messaged me in Facebook. She read my status message and said that she hopes I get to smile everyday. Dammit, I just realized, I had forgotten to smile everyday. But now I'm slowly re-learning it, thanks to Spice.

Me: Ugh. That's gross and sappy. You make me sick (puts a finger in his mouth and feigns a gagging action). I want to puke.

me: Aaaaaw, you love me. You really, really love me (hugs Me, and skips away while whistling).

Me: (shakes his head and sighs) Here's for you, kiddo. I hope you'll be happy this time around. (puts out the almost-consumed cigarette in the ashtray) I really do.

Day 2

"Ho tante cose che ti voglio dire, o una sola,
ma grande come il mare, come il mare profunda ed infinita:
sei il mio amor e tutta la mia vita."

"I have so many things to tell you, or rather only one,
but it is as huge as the ocean, as deep and as infinite as the sea:
you are my love and my whole life."

- Puccini's La bohème

Dear Beb,

As the minutes slowly march towards the inevitable breaking of day, I beseech the cruel sun not to rise upon the east and herald the moment of your departing. Just you lay upon my bed in fitful slumber, so is my heart restless within me. The sweet murmurs, the barbed exchanges, the gentle ministrations, the searing passion, all I already pine for. And yet as I despair, it is these fleeting moments of tormentous bliss that give fuel to the hope that time and distance will be gentle to us, and that soon, we shall once again be in each others' loving arms.

I do not question the machinations of fate that has brought you into my life. Nor do I question the constraining hurdles that have prevented us from joining our lives together. All I know is that I answer to my soul's eternal wandering that has traveled the weary road, the meandering path which has eventually lead to you.

You are my heart's refuge, and my soul seeks to commence its restless journey within you.

I love you.

Titi, Puki, and Kantot: Unbeing Politically Correct in the Matters of Sex, Filipino style

The Filipino’s penchant for giving monikers to the sexual organs and acts has long been a source of amusement for me. This state of being politically correct sometimes borders on the verge of ridiculousness. I mean, shouldn’t the words titi, puke, and kantot be equally valid for usage as with the words pagkalalaki, pagkababae, and pagtatalik? The first three terms, when uttered, seems outright coarse and vulgar to most Filipinos. On the other hand, the last three terms are so downright sugar coated that whenever I hear it used, I can’t help but snicker politely, roll my eyes, and promptly go into a diabetic fit. A lot of Filipinos can’t seem, or are unwilling to discuss sex without feeling the slightest hint of discomfiture along with the requisite squirming in their seats. It’s as if we’d rather discuss the state of the weather rather than face the fact that people have sexual organs, and that yes, Virginia, they do use those organs to do sexual acts.

It’s so easy to point a finger at the restrictive Spanish friar brand of Catholicism as the source of the subjugated Filipino sexual psyche. For three hundred years, this particular school of stuffy and straight-laced religiosity was rammed down our throats that the repression is so well-ingrained in our ways and minds. Take for example, that exquisite moment when sex is brought up as a topic at a family dinner (or for that matter, any social gathering.) Chances are, it will either be contextualized as a humorous anecdote (read: a dirty joke), or be oughtright glossed-over and ignored (with the requisite embarrassed silence – subtext: next topic, please.) Embarrassment amidst humor, and humor amidst embarrassment: the perfect coping device when one isn’t really prepared to accept some realities in life.

Another glaring example of the Filipinos’ long-standing repression with sexual matters is the euphemisms used to address the sexual organs. Our formative years are peppered with experiences with how our elders awkwardly referred to the penis and vagina. I’m willing to bet on the fact that while growing up, Filipinos have been told by their parents to make pagpag his birdie after peeing or wash her flower before sleeping at least once in his or her life. It is this prudish (not to mention absurd) adult behavior that germinates the idea in children that the penis and the vagina is something that is impolite and improper to talk about. Worse even is the birds-and-the-bees talk at the onset of puberty. Filipino parents rarely educate their children about sexual concerns at home. If it is done at all, it is mostly conducted in an atmosphere filled with unease and discomfort (with matching euphemistic terminologies). This in turn, communicates to the soon-to-be teenager that sex is something to be ashamed about, and thus further perpetuates that cycle of repression that is passed on from one Filipino generation to another.

So what’s the whole point about my raving? Well, let’s face it folks, it is the 21st century. Maria Clara has been dead since the 1800’s and Padre Damaso and his cohorts are enjoying their well-deserved roasting in the pits of perdition. For crissake’s, blame-it-all-on Spain is even more modern and liberal with their attitudes towards sex compared to Filipinos nowadays. We really have to get over our anal-retentiveness with sex. While I don’t really suggest that we throw morality out of the window and engage in raunchy debauchery day in, day out (a tempting thought), we do have to start accepting that sex is a fact of life. Whether we like it or not (and I’m willing to bet again on the like part), sex happens. No amount of hush-hush or monikers can change that. So what’s the missing ingredient? I say: out with being politically correct, and just call a spade a spade. That should help in fostering the message that sex, in a healthy and positive context, is the key to striking out a yin-and-yang balance between being frigidly uptight and wantonly irresponsible.

Quis custodiet ipsos custodiet?

"Who watches the watchmen?"
- Juvenal, Roman poet

Well, I most certainly did!

No spoilers here, but I did like the movie despite it's almost being 3 hrs. long. Pretty much atypical as it's a thinking movie, with a lot of backstoriesthrown in. It's a crime for a comic geekzoid like me not to have read the original source (which I will soon), but I was pretty much impressed with the main theme of the whole movie: does the end justify the means? Will you go the lengths of killing millions to arrest nuclear destruction and achieve global peace? A good coffee-time (and blog) topic, if I may say so.

In the meantime, off to bed for me.

Heisenberg Principle of Uncertainty – I So Don’t Get It

"Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose."
"The more things change, the more they stay the same."

- old French proverb

Call me staid (read: boring), and old-fashioned (read: inflexible), but change isn’t my cup of tea. Really. I dunno, but I’d rather prefer the sun to rise every morning I get up. Not that it hasn’t risen at all (knock on wood), but I imagine if it doesn’t, then my whole ordered and predictable world will come crashing down. Of course I’m exaggerating, but it brings me my whole point: why change your status quo when there’s no assurance that the precipitating change will be for the better?

All my closest friends know how much I tend to resist change. Give me predictability anytime over spontaneity. I guess this stems from the fact that without some sense of structure in my life, I really tend to be out of focus and go in several directions all at once. Shades of ADHD perhaps? Is it the bohemian attitude supposedly inherent in artistic people? Or is it just a simple an innate lack of self-discipline? Well, for whatever reason, I’ve learned my lessons in the school of hard knocks that’s called life. I need something staid and organized for me to exploit my potentials to the fullest.

Let me digress a little bit. I won’t exaggerate: I’m not exactly obsessive-compulsive, and neither am I an anal-retentive jerk. I don’t have this overwhelming urge to make my bed every morning, nor do I have the patience to arrange my toiletries in some twisted sense of logic. I keep on losing small things ranging from hankies to cell phones to wallets because I’m not compelled to check my pockets every now and then. However, even if my room is a mess, I know underneath that stockpile of music pieces and used clothes is the book I’ve been wanting to read for the past few months. In my closet, I know my passport is on the leftmost shelf, buried under a barrage of knick-knacks and thingamajigs. Among the numerous school and work papers strewn about on my desk, I know that the break up letter I wrote in high school is still in an brown Papelmerotti envelope, unsent after all of these years (we still broke-up though hahahahaha). Somehow, amidst this seemly chaotic behavior, some sense of ordered pattern emerges.

So given my ordered sense of chaos, where does change come in? As the cliché goes, the only sure thing in the world is change. It doesn’t mean that even if my room is a jungle that Tarzan could live in, I don’t know where my things are. Factor-in change a.k.a. the maid cleaning up my room, and zoom, all of a sudden, I have no idea where in the world my notes for the finals of my Music Literature subject are. A trifle example, I know, but nonetheless, it paints a pretty good idea of how much change affects me. It somehow heralds an unknown quantity that utterly mixes up the order in the chaos that I am used to. I know it sounds weird, but inspite of the disorder, I still know that I have some control over it (perhaps making it so not chaotic in its true sense of the word, but that’s another topic altogether). Besides, change is something that’s not assurable. Let’s go back to my example of the now-cleaned up room. So fine, it’s now nice and clean, but despite its squeakingly spotless exterior, I won’t know where my notes lie (I could ask the maid, but that’s not the point). In other words, why would I even want the uncertainty of change when in fact, the seemingly chaotic state is actually full of order?

My family and friends have this urging for me to take that certain risk called change. They always argue that I’d never know if that change would bear something good. I’d say, no thanks, and please don’t hound and persecute me just because I feel fairly contented with what I have right now. Sure, take potshots at me. Call me boring and predictable. Plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose? Humph. Yeah right. Go tell that to the marines.

P.S. The author’s view early this morning does not necessarily reflect the true philosophical and existential position he takes in life. However, neither can it be claimed as pure fiction. In other words, it is only a facet of his some-time cravings for creative prose; born at 5:00 a.m., straight out of a rambling mind severely demented from lack of sleep.

Day 1

Let's start off by calling him Spice. And let's say that I met him in the worst place possible: the Mecca that is called the Lobby. It seems that he's been a long time chatter, but for some reason, we've never crossed paths until recently (N.B. Now I know why: I hang around midnight onwards, and he chats usually early in the morning before going to work, or early in the evening when he arrives). He seems fairly popular enough that people ask me if I know him, or at the very least, interacted with him. My usual answer: who he? (MWAHAHAHAHAHA) Well doodeleedoo, apparently, people have asked him the very same thing, too.

ME: (excitedly) Fate slowly weaving its threads into an amorous tapestry?

me: (non-chalantly) Asa pa you.

Anyways, one afternoon of no particular importance, I managed to bump into him in the lobby. I said to myself, "Ah, so this is Spice. Lemme dock him and try to catch his attention." Well, wahddya know, all it took was a sutsot and a kindat, and we were bantering around in the lobby like old pals. But then again, all bantering and kulitan wasn't the whole point of the exercise, was it? It was more like a moro-moro, verbal fencing, and faux pas-de-deux, all rolled into one neat activity that eventually led to:

him whispering his cell number.

Teehee.

ME: *Ahem* I am such a charmer, you know.

me: Sure. (takes a drag from his cig) About as charming as as my lelong's pair of run-down socks.

ME: Fuck off!

A few days later, I decided to give Spice a call. Nothing fancy, just a hi-hello casual kind of thing. He texted right after, thanking me for the call. "Mhmmm. Promising." I thought. "He certainly knows his manners." Fast forward to last night. I prolly spent a good 30-40 mins. or so talking to him over the cell (note to self: I gotta get one of those unlimited call thingies asap). It's that getting know you stage already (cue in audio-visuals: Deborah Kerr singing to the children in the King & I), you know, the why are you in that profession, what do you want to do when we go out, blah blah kind of crap. He seems to be be a nice and sweet fellow, albeit a bit possessive for comfort. I found it weirdly kilig though to be told not to chat for the remains of the night. Normally, I'd chaff at that restriction, but...

Let's see where this leads to. Moral of the story? Abangan ang sususnod na kabanata.

It's the rose that's important

Accuse me of being too saccharine, but I love the simplicity of this song. It hearkens back to all the memories and experiences, both good and bad, of my life-journey with the Madz.

I had my moment in the sun, and what a gloriously shining moment it was. But at the end of the day, when the curtain is rung down and the footlights are turned off, all I am left with is the soul of the music, the lone rose which I keep close to my heart.

Perhaps it's the rose that's important, after all.

L'important, C'est la Rose

From one of my tours, a 2006 concert in Epinal, France.

Self-conversations 2

ME: (enters fuming mad and slams his fist on the table) The nerve of the Bitch!

me: (raises his head from the comics he's reading, and looks across the table) Mhmmm. What is it this time?

ME: (Shouts) She actually took me out of her Facebook! Would you believe it?! I was looking for her name on the list to tag her in one of the pics, and poof, it wasn't there. Oh man, I swear it's soooo war time already!!!

me: Don't shout. I'm just three feet away from you (rolls eyes). Well, she has every right, you know. It is her Facebook after all. If she doesn't like you for whatever reason, then it's her problem. Don't make it yours.

ME: But...but...

me: (puffing on a cigarette) Look, you really have to learn that you can't please everyone. It's a fact of life. And if someone doesn't like you, don't take it too personally.

ME: (whines) But I'm nice naman e...

me: It's not a matter of being nice or not. She doesn't just like you. Deal with it.

ME: (mutters under the breath) I don't like talking to you. You're too coldly rational.

me: I heard that. Here's a candy. Now go to a corner and sulk all you want. See if care.

ME: I hate you, you know that (stomps off).

me: Yeah, yeah. Whatever (goes back to reading the comics).